You Gotta Go There To Come Back
by Newlywed88
Summary: She left, he stayed. She broke his heart, hers never healed. Bella swore she'd never go back. But with an important wedding to attend, what other choice was there? *M for major lemons/language*
1. An Introduction

Hi guys!

If you're reading this, thank you for taking an interest in my story!

Some of you might be thinking this story seems familiar. I used to have an account with under the username xxBadRomancexx. Sadly, the email account that my profile was registered under got closed down and I have no way of accessing my account.

I have contacted about either recovering the account so I can remove the original story or have them delete it for me.

Just a quick note for anyone that might think the writing has been lifted from somebody else. Its all mine, I can assure you!

Now, it's been almost ten years since I last updated this story. I found myself watching Twilight for the first time in what seems like forever last week and it drove me to come back and complete this tale.

Hope you all like it and maybe it'll reach some of the people who were disappointed that it didn't continue all those years ago! I'm a little nervous about jumping back into it but here we go!

Please feel free to leave reviews. Good or bad. I welcome constructive criticism. Just remember, always be kind :)

Happy reading!


	2. All That You Can't Leave Behind

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in it.**

Have you ever made a mistake?

A colossal mistake that made you question your entire existence?

If you have then you'll know how devastating it is to realise that there's no going back.

My name is Bella Swan. People in the industry will know me as Belle Blackheart.

I've been modelling now for about three years. I started when I was nineteen years old.

Not the kind of modelling your thinking of. I was no high end fashion model. In fact I didn't really model _anything. _Literally.

I couldn't really tell you why I decided to go into glamour. When life throws you a bone, you've just gotta run with it, right?

Trust me, its anything but glamorous.

The most glamorous thing about it was the shoes and considering that's the only thing I'm usually required to wear it's not much of a consolation.

Two bouts of liposuction and a breast enhancement was the price I paid for the attention I desired.

Stupid really, because I already had the only persons attention that I'd ever crave, but never mind about that. Ill go into that another time.

I had a simple upbringing. Nothing dramatic. Unlike most of the other girls in the business, I had no problems with abuse or drugs of any kind. Of course they always thought I was lying. I guess its difficult to see why I would choose this career.

I guess I just needed to be different. I had always been seen as little miss sweet and innocent back in Forks and that just had to change.

I wasn't that girl anymore. I didn't _want_ to be her anymore.

My father, Charlie Swan, didn't exactly agree with my career choice. Well, when I say he didn't _exactly _agree that's a huge, whopping understatement. I hadn't seen him since the day I left for Los Angeles three years ago. Or to be exact, three years, four months and eight days.

I spoke to him briefly over the telephone now and then. I sent cards on Birthdays and Christmas's but that was the extent of it.

_Three Years, Four Months & Eight Days Ago_

"_I will not allow this Isabella! You are not some common whore!" Charlie shouted at me._

"_You cant stop me! I'm a legal adult now. I'm going to LA and I'm going today!" I screamed back at him._

_I almost jumped out of my skin as he hurled the coffee table across the room. _

"_So this is what you want to do with your life? You honestly want to spend the rest of your life taking your clothes off for sleazy photographers?" _

"_Its not sleazy and yes this is what I'm doing! If you cant respect that then its no problem of mine" I told him firmly._

"_Respect you? You want me to respect you? Are you out of your damn mind?" he laughed humourlessly._

"_Whatever dad. I'm leaving in an hour. I'm going upstairs to pack the rest of my things." I told him, stomping up to bedroom."I don't understand what's gotten into you. I thought you and Ja…" I cut him off before he could finish._

"_Its over Dad. I'm leaving. I really don't want to part on bad terms but I wont have you guilt tripping me into staying" I said, slamming my door with the last syllable. _

…_..._

That went well, wouldn't you say?

My mother, Renee, died in a car accident when I was seven years old. I had spent every day since then promising to make her proud and although I knew she wouldn't agree wholly with my choices, she would still have respect for me.

Hell, anybody would. I, Isabella Swan, was a twenty two year old virgin.

Hard to believe in this industry I know. Don't get me wrong, I'd had plenty of offers but that was the one thing I still had to feel proud of. To keep to myself. I wouldn't say that I regretted coming to LA, because I didn't. I'd had the time of my life out here. I'd met some amazing people and gotten the chance to do things that people could only dream of.

I'd been a Playboy centrefold twice over and had starred in some stellar music videos. I could only imagine what people were saying about me back home. I dreaded to think. Especially him….

No. I wouldn't think of him today. Today was a good day, I would make sure of it.

I was in Marrakesh for a shoot with a high end gentlemen's magazine. When I started out, I had firmly told my agent that I wouldn't settle for anything less than high end. I wouldn't cheapen myself with coochie shots and I never had. The most you'd ever see was my landing strip, I wouldn't open my legs for a single one of these photographers and they knew it.

It had actually earned me a great deal of respect, not to mention business.

I guess it was all about keeping the mystery. If I laid out spread eagled for everyone to see, why would they bother buying any more of the magazines. My only guess was they held out hope that it'd be visible in the next shoot. But hey, I'm not complaining. Another day another dollar, right?

Speaking of Dollars, money _really _wasn't a problem anymore. I had a good chunk stashed away in a bank account and I only spent what I needed to live. Well, if you consider Christian Louboutin a necessity.

I often sent Charlie cheques just to help him out, but he always sent them straight back to me. After a while he didn't even bother opening the envelopes. He'd just return the envelope straight back to my address.

I hadn't dated anybody since I had moved away from home. I didn't have the time, patience or the need. Again, it wasn't like I hadn't had any offers and most of the time they were courteous, but I just didn't _want_ to. Of course there was a reason for that. A very big reason. One that I wasn't about to admit to.

Nobody would compare to Ja…

"Belle Bear, come on you need to change"

Ah, my stylist. Rosalie Hale. Now she was a goddess. I could never understand why she hadn't tried her hand at modelling, but hey, each to their own right?

Her long, golden locks fell down her back graciously and those icy blue eyes could captivate any man. I've seen it myself often enough.

She was my best friend in this business. Hell, she was practically my sister. We shared an apartment in LA.

"Okay babe. I'm coming" I shouted back to her.

I walked towards the other side of the hotel room and glanced over at the material I'd be wearing. Well, I say material, there really wasn't enough here to constitute giving it that name.

I held my arms out by my sides as Rose draped the deep red voile material around my breasts. I didn't see the need as you could still see every detail of them straight through it.

She criss crossed it over my stomach and tied it into an elegant bow on my hip.

"Here, cover up your cookie" she giggled.

She threw me a tiny black g-string to match it with. I slipped them all the way up my legs and adjusted them.

"Shoes?" I asked hopefully.

"Not today honey" she smiled.

I huffed. The shoes were the best part, especially when you got to take them home from the set. Especially then.

"You ready? We need to catch the sunset" she asked.

"Yep. Ready. Lead the way" I replied.

She grabbed hold of my hand and led me out onto the roof. The view was stunning. Beneath me were the bustling streets and markets. The scent of freshly ground spices filled the air around me. Delicious.

"Okay Belle, we really need to catch the light. Could you lay down next to the pool for me?" Edward, the photographer asked.

I obeyed and gently lowered myself to the ground.

"Okay, you know what to do" he ushered.

And I did. I'd had enough experience to know what made men tick and boy did I use it.

I laid flat on my back and brought both arms straight up above my head, arching my back slightly and crossing one leg over the over.

Anyone who said modelling easy, was a liar. It wasn't easy and if it was, you weren't doing it right.

So many times I'd be naked on a beach in the icy rain. Sure, the shots were beautiful when they were done, but jeez it was uncomfortable.

Sand and coochies.

They're not friends.

I glided through the rest of the photo shoot as always and spent a little more time catching the last few rays that the sun had to offer.

"Honey, your cell phone" I heard Rosalie call.

I jumped up and jogged towards her.

"Thanks" I smiled, taking it from her hand.

I pressed the green button and pulled it up to my ear.

"Hello"

"_Bella, its your dad" _

"Oh, hey. How are you?" I asked. _Well this is awkward._

"_I'm good. How about you?" _

"Um, yeah. I'm fine. What's up?"

"_I meant to tell you earlier actually, but I couldn't get hold of you. I'm getting married Bella. Three days from now" _

"Oh….Wow….Who?" I asked him. Well I was a crap daughter and that right there just proved it.

"_Sue Clearwater" _

"That's great Dad, she's a real nice lady"

And she really was. Her husband had died the day after my fifteenth birthday. It was about time they both found happiness.

"_I was hoping you'd be able to make it Bella" _

"I….Three days?….That's not much notice. I'm kind of in Morocco right now, Dad" I told him.

Now I felt even worse. I just couldn't stop disappointing people could I?

"_Morocco? Wow, you really are seeing the world aren't you?" _

"Yeah Dad. I am" I whispered.

"_Look, don't worry about it. I shouldn't have expected you to drop everything at the last minute."_

Feeling more awful by the second….

"No Dad, Ill be there. I promise. I'll just rearrange my flight to Washington. I wouldn't miss it" I told him.

"_Thanks Bella"_

"No, thank you for inviting me"

"_Of course. Call me with details?" _

"As soon as I know" I assured him.

"_Okay. I'll speak to you soon"_

"Bye Dad" I said, shutting off the call.

Well fuck.

There really was no way of getting out of this one was there?

**Please review and let me know what you thought. **

**Thank you for reading x**


	3. What Do You Go Home To

Disclaimer: I do not own anything.

_"No Dad, Ill be there. I promise. I'll just rearrange my flight to Washington. I wouldn't miss it" I told him._

_"Thanks Bella"_

_"No, thank you for inviting me"_

_"Of course. Call me with details?" _

_"As soon as I know" I assured him._

_"Okay. I'll speak to you soon"_

_"Bye Dad" I said, shutting off the call._

_Well fuck._

_There really was no way of getting out of this one was there?_

"Would you like something to drink, miss?"

"Oh, no thank you. When will we be landing?" I asked the pretty stewardess.

"The fasten your seatbelt sign will be turned on shortly" she replied.

I nodded as she walked back over to her trolley.

I used to want to be an air stewardess. It all looked so easy. Get on a plane, serve some food and then spend a couple of days in an exotic country. So why didn't I do it? Well, that's a real good question. I don't have the answer.

However, as I sat here, I found myself envying her. I know that if I'd chosen that path I would still be happy. I'd still have my father's support and I'd still have him.

Of course, when I left, _he _didn't know the exact reason I was leaving. I couldn't help but think of his reaction the first time he saw one of my spreads. I guess that's partly why I did it. I wanted a reaction. Maybe I wanted him to call me and demand that I come home to him. Maybe he was disgusted with me, I wouldn't blame him. Or worst of all, maybe he didn't care.

I'd made sure to keep the same cell phone number since I'd left, but I got nothing. The occasional call from Leah and my Dad but that was all.

Leah was Sue's daughter and had been the only one that truly understood why I was leaving. She had come out to visit me a couple of times in LA but I knew she was getting hassle from people back home, so I stopped answering her calls.

I wasn't sure whether or not Charlie would have told anyone I'd be attending the wedding. A huge part of me wished not. Maybe that way I could arrive for the ceremony unnoticed and slip out once it had finished.

I knew it was selfish of me to think that, but I was a coward. I knew that.

I wondered if they would recognise me. I had changed a lot over the years. I had filled out in all the right places and of course my chest was a lot larger. My hair now flowed just past my shoulders and it was now a shade of honey blonde. I quickly realised that blondes definitely did better in the business.

My dress sense had altered dramatically. I couldn't remember the last time I wore a pair of sweats or even a hoodie for that matter.

Subconsciously, I had probably changed my look so dramatically for a reason. I guess that reason was him.

I would still think of him every day. Four weeks was all it took for me to fall hopelessly in love with him. For me, it never ended. I should be nervous about seeing my father or maybe even Sue, but it was him I was dreading.

Had he moved on? Did he still think of me? So many questions that I was too afraid to know the answers to.

At least I had the evening to prepare, right?

As I rode in my rental car, I passed the sign that told me I had only five miles to go. I automatically took my foot off the accelerater and slowed to thirty miles an hour.

My heart rate had already picked up at the twenty mile sign but now it was all becoming real.

What do you say to the father who's so disgusted with you, he barely calls anymore? What do you say to the woman he's about to marry?

Three miles.

I could always get a hotel for the night, right?

No. I would go home. Except it wasn't my home anymore, was it? I had no place there. No place at all.

One mile.

Now I was starting to panic. I looked around as I passed the oh so familiar surroundings. Forks really hadn't changed at all. The only difference was that everything looked a little run down. I guess that's what happens when you've lived in a big city for three years.

As I approached my childhood home, I could feel my blood rushing through my body and my mouth drying up. I parked up in the driveway and turned off the engine. There really was no turning back now.

I sat back in my seat for a moment to compose myself.

"Breathe Bella" I whispered to myself.

In through the nose. Out through the mouth. In through the nose. Out through the mouth.

"Bella?"

I opened my eyes to find Charlie standing outside the front door. He hadn't changed at all. Except he'd finally shaved off that damn moustache. I'd always told him that it added years to his face. Now he looked younger and a little more alive, if that was even possible.

I opened the car door and stepped out slowly.

Before I knew what had happened I was being cradled in my fathers arms.

"Its so good so see you Bella" he whispered.

I couldn't help the tears that fell from my eyes at that moment. I had held them in for so long that it was finally time for a release.

"I missed you Daddy" I whispered back.

"Oh I missed you too sweetheart"

We stood there wrapped in each others embrace for a few moments before I heard Sue clearing her throat behind us. I pulled away from my fathers grasp to find her smiling that beautiful smile of hers.

"Its good to have you home Bella"

"Thank you" I replied, wrapping my arms around her.

She chuckled lightly as she reciprocated.

"Your father has missed you so much. I'm so happy that you came" she whispered into my ear.

A few more tears fell due to her confession.

"Ladies, maybe we should take this inside" Charlie urged, lifting my suitcase out of the trunk.

We both nodded and laughed a little as we made our way into the house.

To my surprise, nothing had changed. Everything was still in its right place. Pictures of my mom, me and all of us together as a family.

One particular photo caught my eye. One of Charlie and Sue. They were both dressed in formal wear, smiling widely for the camera. They looked perfect for one another.

"Looking good, dad" I giggled.

He looked over at me and saw what I was looking at.

"Oh….Uh….Yeah…Good picture" he stuttered.

"Okay…. I know it's been a long time but you can't be that nervous to see me" I joked.

He smiled slightly and carried my suitcase upstairs.

"Leah is so looking forward to seeing you, Bella" Sue called from the kitchen.

"I can't wait to see her either. So, everybody knows I'm back huh?" I asked.

"Of course. I'm afraid I had to drop a bridesmaid to make room for you" she told me.

"Oh, I'm sorry. You didn't have to do that for me" I replied.

"Nonsense Bella. I'm so pleased that you'll be here to be a part of it" she beamed.

She really was the perfect woman for my father. I couldn't think of a better person for the job.

"You look fantastic by the way" she complimented.

"Thank you. A little different isn't it?" I laughed.

"Ah, just a little. It suits you though. I love the boobs!" she squeaked.

"Thanks Sue" I laughed.

We spent the next few hours catching up and eating a simple dinner of steak and potatoes. Charlie must have told her it was my favourite. There wasn't much room for carbs in my diet anymore. I had worked so hard to keep my weight exact over the years. It was a struggle, but it was worth it.

"That was delicious Sue. Thank you" I told her.

"My pleasure sweetheart" she retorted.

"It looks like you need a good feeding girl" Charlie told me.

"Don't be ridiculous honey. Bella looks fabulous" Sue said, coming to my defence.

I looked over at her and mouthed a thank you. She winked in reply.

"BELLA SWAN! GET YOUR LITTLE ASS OUT HERE NOW!"

That would be the unmistakable voice of Leah Clearwater.

I immediately jumped out of my seat and ran towards the front door. There was no doubt about it. She looked amazing.

Her raven coloured hair flowed down over her shoulders all the way down to her naval. Leah never had to wear make up. She didn't need it. She was simply stunning.

"I missed you so much girl! Why the hell did you stop answering my calls?" She raged.

"Sorry Le Le. I just thought it was for the best. I'm so glad I'm here now though" I told her.

"Ah, I'll let you off. You look phenomenal Bella! No one will even recognise you!" She exclaimed.

"Here's hoping" I sighed.

"Oh, don't be a drama queen. You've got it and you definitely need to flaunt it" she giggled.

"Same old Leah" I laughed.

I hooked my arm around hers as we strolled back into the house.

I was home and damn did it feel good.

"I wish you would've come home sooner" Leah sighed.

"I know. I just couldn't, ya know?"

"I know. Things have changed so much. It sucks without you here" She confessed.

I moved across my bed to lay down next to her.

"How long are you staying?" She asked.

"I'm not sure. I don't think I should stay here too long. I don't want to disrupt anybody's lives" I replied solemnly.

"You have to stay a week at least. Did you forget it's my birthday in four days' time?" She nudged.

"Of course not. I have a job in two weeks so I'll have to leave a little before then. Can we settle on ten days?" I asked, pouting a little.

"Uh, I guess so" she laughed.

We lay there in silence for a moment before she spoke again.

"I know you want to know Bella"

I instantly knew what she was talking about. Leah knew me better than anybody and she was right. I was desperate to ask her how he was.

"I can't Leah. Can we just not talk about him?" I begged.

She let out a huge puff of air before agreeing with me.

"So how is work going? Are you still enjoying it?" She asked.

"Works good. I was thinking about quitting soon, maybe going to college or something. Eventually ill be too old to take my clothes off" I laughed, as did she.

"So, you've had no problems out there? No sleazy photographers trying it on?" She pried.

"Nope. Not one. Most of what you hear is complete bull. Besides, I've had the same guy shoot me now for about a year" I replied.

"At least that's one less thing for me to worry about. Any guys?"

"No" I told her abruptly.

"Just as I thought. You know Bella you really should…" I cut her off before she had a chance to continue.

"Leah, can we please not. I don't need a man. I've survived just fine without one" I told her.

"Your no fun" she huffed.

"Nope. I guess not" I laughed, prodding her gently in the side.

"You mind if I sleep with you in here tonight? As appealing as the couch sounds, I really don't want backache in the morning"

"Sure. You should get some sleep, I know Sue's been keeping you on your toes with the wedding planning. I'm gonna take a shower" I told her.

By the time I'd lifted myself up off of the bed she was already asleep. I pulled the blanket over her and made my way to the bathroom.

There was no doubt about it, a steaming hot shower could always help you forget your problems. Even if it was only for a moment. I lathered up my hair with shampoo, washing it off before stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around myself.

I towel dried my hair, brushed my teeth and made my way back to my bedroom.

As I reached for my doorknob, I heard something smash downstairs. I could hear the faint sounds of snoring from my father's room and the same from mine.

Fantastic.

First night back in Forks and I was already getting myself into trouble. I grabbed the baseball bat that Charlie kept in the linen closet and slowly descended down the stairs.

All I could hear was heavy raindrops pelting against the windows and the whirring of the wind.

I hopped down from the last step still clenching the bat in my hands.

As I looked around, I couldn't see anything. It was too dark. I needed light.

I felt around the walls for a light switch. These were the times when I wished I had paid more attention to my surroundings. Stupid Bella.

I was probably about to get chased by an axe murderer, just like in the movies.

Ah ha! Success.

I flipped the switch and the room filled with light, but I still couldn't see anybody.

"Be brave, Bella" I whispered quietly to myself.

Determined to find the source of the noise, I spun around on my heels and marched towards the kitchen.

That's when my heart stopped.

There he was. Standing in my kitchen, drenched from the rain. He hadn't changed at all.

His cropped hair was dishevelled and messy from the storm and his white t shirt clung perfectly to his toned body.

I lifted my eyes to his face and the look in his eyes scared me.

Disgust. Anger. Hurt.

"Jacob" I whispered, not believing that he was really here.

He said nothing. He was trembling from the cold. Or was that anger? I couldn't tell.

I had never felt more vulnerable than how I did right then.

Sure, I was used to taking my clothes off for strangers, but this was Jacob and I was standing half naked in front of him in my kitchen. This definitely wasn't how I wanted our reunion to go.

I watched his eyes as they studied my form. They stopped on my breasts for a few seconds before he shook his head and looked down at the floor.

"I, um, need to get dressed" I whispered, before running up the staircase as fast as my legs could carry me.

I closed my bedroom door behind me and collapsed against it.

"Shit" I whispered.

I raced over to my suitcase and pulled out some peach coloured pyjama shorts and a loose white tank top. I rushed to put them on and threw my hair up into a messy bun on the top of my head.

Looking over at Leah, I was tempted to wake her and ask for advice. I decided against it.

"Get a grip Bella" I mumbled.

I made my way back downstairs to find that he wasn't there. I panicked.

Sure, I was scared, but I wanted nothing more than to see him.

To talk to him. To explain.

I ran into the kitchen. Empty.

I ripped the front door open. He was nowhere in sight.

I closed it gently and pressed my forehead to the cold glass. I was fighting the tears. I wouldn't cry.

"It sucks doesn't it? What you felt just now is a fraction of how I felt three years ago"

I spun around on to balls of my feet to find him sitting on the couch in the living room.

Damn, he was perfect. God couldn't have done a better job himself.

"Cat got your tongue, Bella?" he asked, his icy tone shot through.

"What…Um…Why are you here?" I muttered quietly.

"You just had to come back didn't you? You couldn't stay put" He sniped.

"It's my dad's wedding. I had to come. I didn't want to, I swear" I told him, taking a couple of small steps forward.

"I'm shocked at your selflessness. You should have stayed away"

I could feel the tears pricking at my eyes as I fiddled with the hem of my shirt.

"I don't know what to say" I whispered.

"There's nothing you _can_ say. Not anymore. Things change, Bella"

I looked back up at him to find him studying me again. I shuffled back and forwards on my feet. I couldn't believe how self-#conscious I felt in front of him.

"You look different" he said softly, to my surprise.

"Yeah"

I just couldn't find the words. It was like my mouth had been completely cut off from my brain. I had the mental capacity of a potato when it came to him.

"You look good"

"Thanks" I whimpered.

Silence surrounded us as he jumped up off the couch and slowly walked towards me.

"I think we need to talk" he said, sternly.

"I suppose I should put some coffee on then" I huffed.

As I filled up the kettle, I dreaded sitting down with him.

It wasn't his presence that frightened me, but I was terrified of what was about to come out of his mouth.

**What did you think? Please review and let me know. **

Thanks for reading x


	4. A Rush Of Blood To The Head

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

_Silence surrounded us as he jumped up off the couch and slowly walked towards me._

"_I think we need to talk" he said, sternly. _

"_I suppose I should put some coffee on then" I huffed._

_As I filled up the kettle, I dreaded sitting down with him._

_It wasn't his presence that frightened me, but I was terrified of what was about to come out of his mouth. _

I could feel his eyes scorching into my back as I poured the boiling water into the mugs. I added milk and sugar and tried to compose myself before turning around to face him.

I had hoped that he hadn't picked up on my silent sobs as I wiped away a few stray tears.

Placing both mugs down on to the kitchen table, I took my seat directly opposite Jacob.

We sipped in silence for a what seemed like a lifetime before he finally spoke.

"How are you?" He asked, staring into his coffee cup.

It seemed like small talk was going to be the way forward for the two of us.

"I'm good, thank you. Um, you?" I replied nervously.

He shrugged and took a large gulp of coffee, wincing slightly from the temperature. I watched as the liquid slid down his throat, causing his adams apple to bob a little. There was nothing I wanted to do more than lick it at this moment. Obviously that wasn't an option.

"Things going okay in LA?"

"Uh, yeah I guess so" I muttered.

The awkwardness was almost painful to endure. What happened to Jake and Bells? We never used to be this uncomfortable with each other.

_Things change_. That's what he'd said to me. I guess I just didn't know how much.

"And uh…work?" he asked, sounding pained.

"Its steady, its good" I answered.

"That's…well you know" he mumbled, taking another sip.

I couldn't take this. Somebody had to start a proper conversation, otherwise we'd still be here six hours from now talking about the weather. Not that I minded bathing in the beauty that he was radiating.

"Why are you here, Jake?" I asked him.

His head snapped up at my question. I was just as shocked as he was at my confidence.

"I heard you were back. I guess I didn't believe it. I just had to see for myself" he replied, studying my face yet again.

"You said you wanted to talk" I stated.

"Yeah. How long are you here for?"

"Ten days. After that I have to leave for Hawaii." I retorted bluntly. Two could play this game.

"Hawaii? Oh…Work of course" he stuttered.

"So…" I urged.

He shot up from his seat as fast as a lightning bolt.

"Don't push me Bella! I had prepared myself to never have to see you again and you just show up here out of the blue!" He whispered harshly, gritting his teeth.

"Its my Dad's wedding. I had to come. You must have known that one day I would come back?"

"You weren't so bothered about Charlie when you were running off to LA! Did you even think of how ashamed he'd be? How humiliated?" He raged.

I had a feeling that Charlie wasn't the only person he was talking about now.

"I made a choice. I had to deal with it" I answered shortly.

"Typical selfish Bella Swan" He laughed humourlessly.

"What the hell is wrong with you? If all you came here for was to take jabs at me, you can leave" I told him, angrily.

Wow, I really was outdoing myself tonight. I knew that I had hurt him and I could see it in his eyes that he was still hurting, but he had no right to come into my home and abuse me like this.

"Do you have any idea what you did to me when you left?" He asked, edging closer to me with every word.

I stood up slowly from my seat and backed myself into the corner of the room, gripping the worktop for dear life.

"I'm sorry" I whispered.

No amount of apologies would make up for what I did to him. It wouldn't be that easy with Jacob Black.

"Sorry? That could never cover it Bella. You left me so you could run off to the other side of the country and take your clothes off for trashy magazines" He seethed, still edging closer.

"Hey! They aren't trashy!" I defended.

That was one thing I wasn't. He let out a small laugh before looking me dead in the eye.

"You've changed. I cant see you anymore" he said solemnly.

"I'm still me. I just have bigger boobs and different hair" I tried to joke.

"Yeah, I did notice" he replied, turning away from me.

I studied his back like it was the Da Vinci Code. His shirt was drying a little but it still clung to all the right muscles. Hell, with Jacob there were no _wrong _muscles.

"I don't know what you want me to do Jake" I told him honestly.

"I don't know what I want you to do and that's worse, believe me. Things have changed Bella. You left and I'm a different person now"

It was true. I couldn't see _my _Jake anymore. My sun had disappeared.

"Its fine. I never expected anything from you. Ill leave in ten days and then you wont have to see me again" I told him.

"That's just the thing Bella. Now that you're here, I don't know what the hell I want" He whispered, turning back to face me.

"Is there anybody in your life Jake?" I asked him cautiously.

He didn't give an answer. The silence spoke for itself. I watched as he slowly walked towards me.

I shuddered as he pressed his palms against the counter either side of me.

"You've blossomed" he whispered as his gaze wandered over my face, my neck and my chest.

"Yeah, well I had a little help with that" I giggled nervously.

He lifted one of his hands up to my face and tucked a few stray hairs behind my ear. His touch was warm. I felt my entire body change temperature. I felt my heartbeat quickening as closed my eyes.

"Your beautiful"

I couldn't help the small smile that graced my lips as he spoke those words.

"Bella, open your eyes for me" he urged.

They flickered open involuntarily. My body was at his command. It always had been. Now that he was standing in front of me, I would do anything he asked with no question.

His deep chocolate eyes captivated me now, just like they always did. His perfectly chiselled jaw was better than the work of Michael Angelo.

"You didn't answer my question. I asked if there was anyone in your life, is there?" I asked again.

I watched as he clenched his eyes shut.

"Its okay. You don't have to tell me, I already know the answer" I whispered. Placing my hand on his chest.

I could feel his heart pumping fast beneath my fingertips. I felt him shiver at my touch.

He was so close to me. I could feel his hot breath on my face. It was torturous.

"Its so hard to be around you" he whispered.

"Maybe you should go"

His eyes shot open any tore right through me.

"No. I didn't mean that. I just…I want to touch you so badly and I cant" he replied.

"I wont stop you" I panted.

I knew it was wrong. I knew that if he had moved on, it wasn't fair to whoever he was with now. It wasn't fair on him to walk away from him again after starting something and it wasn't fair to me either. I didn't want to be the other woman. I couldn't help wanting to break the rules. This was Jacob. My Jake. Jake and Bells.

I throbbed with anticipation as he trailed his index finger slowly down my arm. I had missed his touch so much.

I relaxed as his free hand traced circles across my collar bone and up towards my chin. I couldn't think of anything that would feel better.

"So soft…" he whispered.

I looked up to find his eyes staring straight into mine.

"This is wrong"

"So wrong" I whimpered.

"I should go" he spoke softly.

"Okay"

I caught his eyes flicker down to my lips and back up again. I subconsciously licked my lips in anticipation of a kiss that I had hoped would follow.

"Do you know how long I've dreamed that you'd be standing here in front of me? Offering yourself to me?" He spoke with heavy breaths.

I felt his feather light touch on my collar bone, moving further down.

"Hmmm…." I moaned gently.

His touch was like nothing else. Nobody would ever be able to touch me the way he did and nobody ever had. Even such a soft stroke could set my pulse racing.

"I'm sorry Bella"

I felt the cold washing over me as his touch subsided. I kept my eyes tight shut praying that his gentle hands would return to my body, but they didn't.

Instead I heard the front door click shut softly. My eyes snapped open at the sound. He wasn't there anymore. He wasn't my Jacob anymore. He belonged to someone else.

Someone else got to feel his touch and have his arms wrapped around her. Someone else was lucky enough to have his lips on hers. Someone else was lucky enough to hold his heart. And it wasn't me anymore.

At the realisation of my loss I collapsed to the cold stone beneath me and sobbed uncontrollably. Until now, I hadn't quite realised what I'd given up.

_*Flashback*_

"_Your not enough for me anymore" I told him sternly._

"_No, Bella I know you don't mean that. You said you loved me? You said you'd love me forever" he sobbed. _

_The sight before me was breaking my heart. _

_My beautiful, strong Jacob was falling apart before me and it was my fault. I knew I needed to get away from here. From him. Every thing I had told him was lies. He was perfect for me, it was I who wasn't enough for him. He deserved everything. Jacob deserved a girl who could give him the world, the moon and the stars. I wasn't that girl. _

"_I'm sorry Jacob, you need to let go" I replied, softening my tone. _

"_No" he cried. _

"_You'll move on. Your going to meet a nice girl and settle down with her. We would never have lasted" More lies. _

"_I cant believe your saying all these things. How could you? If you leave, don't you ever come back" He said forcefully._

"_I wont" _

_*End flashback*_

I remembered that moment like it was yesterday. I had told him I wouldn't return and was just another thing I couldn't give to him. He didn't deserve to have me come strolling back into his life like nothing happened.

As much I wanted to let my love go, I just couldn't. I knew he felt the same, I could feel it in his touch. He wanted me just as much as I wanted him. I would make him see it. A bitchy move I know, but something had to be done.

With that thought, I dragged my ass back up to bed and tried to salvage some sleep before the obviously hectic day that would follow.

_Sue and Charlie's wedding day._

"Bella!" I heard an annoying squeal coming from above me.

"Hmmph…Go away" I grumbled.

"Nope. Up. Its my Moms wedding day and we need to get you ready!" Ugh, Leah.

I begrudgingly sat up in bed and wiped the sleep out of my eyes with the backs of my hands.

"You know, you could have woken me up a little more gracefully" I mumbled.

"You think I didn't try? You were out cold. I was close to pouring water on your ass so I'd be thankful that all you got was screeching" She laughed.

"Whatever…I need some coffee and a shower" I stated, hopping up out of bed.

"You handle the shower and I'll get the coffee" She offered before bouncing out of the room like tigger on crack.

I quickly showered and washed my hair, scrubbing so hard I nearly ripped a layer of skin off.

"We need to do your hair Bella, come on!" I heard Leah wale.

"Alright! Jesus!" I shouted back.

It was safe to say, I definitely wasn't a morning person.

I walked back into my bedroom to find Leah, Sue and a young girl I didn't recognise.

"Bella, this is the third bridesmaid Kim" Sue introduced us.

"Hi Bella, I've heard so much about you. Its nice to finally put a face to the name" she smiled genuinely.

"Hey" I smiled back at her.

Leah playfully pushed me down into the make up chair and started to comb through my wet hair.

"I brought a dress with me, I think its nice enough" I told them.

Sues eyes lit up as she rushed out of the room returning moments later with a beautiful deep red dress.

It looked like it would come to just above the knee, the skirt ruffled neatly and was held in place with a small crystal broach on the hip. The top half was an elegant bodice. The neckline was encrusted with beautiful crystals. It was low cut, but not enough to take away from the sheer classiness of the dress. It was just my style and would go perfect with my new Louboutins.

"It gorgeous! How did you guess my size?" I exclaimed.

"Bella, we do get Playboy in rainy old Forks! I got your measurements from there" She laughed.

I blushed a little knowing that she'd seen those shots. I wasn't ashamed by any means but still, it wasn't ideal that my soon-to-be stepmother had seen me naked.

"Oh right. Of course"

Realisation hit me as I suddenly thought that other people might have seen those same shots. Charlie. My old friends. _Jake. _

"Hey, um, do you know if anybody else has you know….seen them?" I asked shyly.

"Bella, I cant answer that question for you as I don't _have _the answer. I will tell you that every magazine that you've posed for, to my knowledge, is available locally" Sue answered sheepishly.

All of the blood in my face rushed to my cheeks as I thought of seeing them all later on in the day.

After an hour of being tugged around by Leah, my hair was finally complete. She had styled in up into a loose chignon. It was pulled to the side and my side bangs were held perfectly in place by a bobby pin.

"Perfect" I smiled, looking into the mirror at Leah.

She nodded and shoved the dress into my hands. I laughed as I walked into the bathroom to change.

I took my make up bag out of the bathroom cabinet. I applied an even coverage of foundation and added a little pink blusher to my cheeks. I finished off the look with a few lashings of black mascara and a small amount of clear lip-gloss.

As lifted the red material over my head, I wondered if I'd ever be the bride. I knew I didn't want to be married unless it was to Jake. No man would ever compare.

I zipped up the dress at the side and made sure that I wasn't showing too much cleavage. Thankfully the dress covered me perfectly. It fit like a glove. A very beautiful, stylish glove.

All I could here was coos and compliments coming from the room across the hall. I could only guess that Sue was finally ready and raring to go.

I was right and she looked breathtaking. She was dressed in a stunning silk, ivory gown. It was simple and strapless with a small train that flowed behind her. Her raven hair flowed down her back in loose curls and her make up was light. Never had a bride looked better.

"Oh Sue…You look amazing" I whispered.

Her head popped up and she smiled.

"Leah. Kim. Do you think you could give Bella and I a moment. I'd like to talk to her" Sue asked politely.

They both nodded before leaving the bedroom, closing the door behind them.

"Sit with me for a moment?" She asked, patting the space beside her where she had just sat.

I nodded and sat next her.

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm glad to become a part of your family today and you to mine. I also wanted to tell you that I'd never try and replace your mother but if there is anything you need at all, you can always come to me" she told me, her eyes shimmering with tears.

"Thank you. From what I can remember my mother was a wonderful woman, but I know that you will make Charlie just as happy as she did. I'll be proud to call you my stepmother" I replied, placing my hand over hers.

She pulled me in for a gently hug before releasing me and composing herself.

"LETS GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD! WE'RE GONNA BE LATE!" I heard Leah holler from downstairs.

We both giggled and made our way out of the bedroom.

The ceremony was perfect. Charlie and Sue married in a small Quileute venue on First Beach. They exchanged breathtaking vows and promised to love each other for an eternity.

The reception was being held at a local beach hut and it was fantastic. It had hand built by the tribesmen around eighty years ago. It was large and spacious and had been decorated perfectly.

"Bella!" I heard a familiar voice shout.

I spun around on my Louboutin heel to find the one and only Embry Call racing towards me. He had been Jakes best friend from when they were kids and as far as I knew he still was.

"Embry!" I squealed excitedly as I leaped towards him for a hug.

"You look fantastic Bella" He whispered.

"Thank you Embry, you don't look too bad yourself" I laughed as I pulled away.

"How've you been?" He asked me.

"I've been good, yourself?"

"Yeah not bad. Me and the guys opened up a garage a couple of years ago, things are going well" he beamed.

By the guys, I knew he meant Jake. I knew he didn't want to bring him up and make me feel uncomfortable.

I hadn't seen him yet. I couldn't bring myself to look for him as I walked down the aisle.

"How's work?" He asked, wiggling his brow.

"Oh god!" I laughed, slapping my hands across my face in embarrassment

"Can I get in on the joke?" I heard a husky voice ask.

My entire body froze.

As I peeped out from behind my finger tips I saw Jake standing next to Embry. He looked mouth watering in a simple black suit, a white shirt beneath and a matching black tie. I always imagined that's what he'd wear if we ever got married.

My thoughts we marred however when I spotted a stunning Quileute woman making her way over to him.

She smiled at him as he wrapped his arm around her waist.

I swear my heart fell to my stomach with that action. I realised I was still holding my hands to my face and dropped them down to my sides immediately.

She was perfect. Her jet black hair fell over her shoulders and her chocolate brown eyes were complimented by thick long lashes. Her figure was something to be envied. She wore a simple, yellow bandage dress with a pair of strappy heels. Just as I thought it couldn't get any worse, her legs were long and slender. Nothing like mine. She was nothing like me. She was perfect for him.

Jakes eyes met mine and I saw the awkwardness in his face. I was doing my best to hide mine, but I doubted I was doing a good enough job.

"Honey, aren't you going to introduce me?" She asked, her voice soft and sweet.

He shook himself out of his trance and nodded.

"Megan, this is Bella" He told her.

She looked over at me with a genuine smile on her face and held her hand out to shake mine.

Jake looked over at me with apologetic eyes before speaking.

"Bella, this is Megan. My wife"

**So, what did you think? **

**Please review and let me know what you thought. **

**Thanks for reading.**


	5. Locked Hearts & Hand Grenades

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Except for Megan Black.**

**Enjoy!**

"_Honey, aren't you going to introduce me?" She asked, her voice soft and sweet._

_He shook himself out of his trance and nodded. _

"_Megan, this is Bella" He told her. _

_She looked over at me with a genuine smile on her face and held her hand out to shake mine. _

_Jake looked over at me with apologetic eyes before speaking. _

"_Bella, this is Megan. My wife" _

No. Everything inside of me was burning. Screaming. Bleeding.

I thought the pain of leaving Jacob was bad, this was unbearable. I knew that he'd moved on. I knew that he had a girlfriend, but a _wife_?

This was insane. I hoped to god that I was hiding my devastation because by the looks of it, she didn't have a clue who I was.

I looked up to find Megan smiling sweetly at me and Jake looking seriously awkward. Why couldn't he have told me this last night? When he was in my kitchen, caressing me and telling me how beautiful I was.

"Its nice to meet you" I managed.

"You too" She nodded.

Embry shot me an apologetic glance and pulled me in to his side for a quick squeeze. I had to get away from them. I needed air. Damn it, I couldn't breathe.

"Uh, I need to go find my Dad. See you later maybe" I whimpered before rushing away.

It felt like my whole body was constricting. Like my heart was being crushed by a ten tonne truck.

I quickly made my way out to the beach and settled on a piece of driftwood that was out of sight from the reception. I slipped my shoes off and buried my feet into the sand, desperately wanting to feel something other than the indescribable pain I was in.

I should never have left. I should have stayed with him no matter what the consequences. I was a fool.

_*Flashback*_

"_Hello Isabella" Billy Black welcomed me as I stepped into his quaint living area._

"_Hi. You said you had something to talk to me about?" I urged, feeling uncomfortable that I'd just been summoned to my boyfriends house without his knowledge._

"_Yes, I did. Please take a seat" He offered as he wheeled into his normal position in front of the television._

_I sat down on the couch across the room and began to fidget nervously whilst waiting for him to speak. He took a deep breath before he began._

"_I hear that you have fallen in love with my son" he stated. It wasn't a question._

"_Y…yes" I whispered back._

"_And he says he feels the same about you" _

"_I think so" God, the tension was so thick you could cut it with a feather, let alone a knife._

_He looked like he was at war with himself as he sat in silence. _

"_Bella…I wont allow it" he sighed. _

_My eyes shot up to meet his gaze. There was little sympathy there._

"_What?" I breathed, not able to believe what I had just heard._

"_I do not want you with my son" _

"_Why not?" I asked, raising my voice slightly._

"_Do not take it personally, please. Jacob is to one day be chief of this tribe. That is a great honour Bella and with that comes the position of a great woman to stand beside him. I do not believe that you are that woman" he explained. _

_I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Billy didn't think I was good enough. _

"_No…I am. He told me he loved me. He said I was good enough for him" I whimpered to myself, trying to with hold the tears that would no doubt be coming soon._

"_This is not coming from Jacob, it is coming from me. His father. I want you to stay away from my son. He will undoubtedly be hurt at first, but he'll move on. There are many beautiful women here on the reservation and I'm sure that one of them will catch his eye sooner or later" _

_The tears were flowing freely now and I couldn't control it. _

"_I cant…I love him" I sobbed. _

"_You don't even know the meaning of the word child. Your too young to understand" He patronised._

"_You will not see him anymore, is that clear Isabella?" He forced. _

"_I…no….I cant….You cant make me" I whimpered._

"_Do not test me. If you choose to remain in a relationship with my son, he will not be welcome in this house anymore. If you really do care for him, you will let him go. What he needs is a good Quileute woman, not you"_

_Then it hit me. This wasn't about what was best for Jacob. This was purely a matter of race and it disgusted me. Everything in me was telling me to fight against it. To tell him to go to hell. _

_I didn't want Jacob forced out of his own home. All because of me. _

"_Do I make myself clear?" He asked impatiently._

"_Oh yes, crystal clear" I seethed. _

_I jumped up from the sofa and made my way out of the Black household, slamming the door behind me._

_It really didn't seem like I had a choice._

_*End Flashback*_

I would remember that day for the rest of my existence. I remember driving home and sobbing helplessly for hours before finally making that dreaded phone call to Jacob. Asking him to meet me. Here.

I wrapped my arms protectively around my torso, fighting away the cold. I didn't want my arms around me, I wanted his. I had always wanted his.

There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think of him. What he was doing? If he missed me? Had me moved on?

Now I had all the answers and I wished I didn't. Life was much better when you had your head in the sand.

I could never ruin a marriage. I didn't have it in me to cause so much pain and upset. I would leave and I would go tomorrow. Leah would be upset and so would Charlie, but I couldn't watch my only love with somebody else.

"Bella"

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and my heart warmed instantly. How was it that just one simple word could come from his lips and calm me completely?

I felt him take a seat beside me.

"I should have told you" he muttered.

I said nothing. I didn't want to say anything. What was there to say?

"That must have been awful in there for you, I'm sorry Bella" he whispered, placing his hand on my shoulder.

His touch sent a million sparks through my body. I prayed to myself that maybe someday, somebody else would have that effect on me.

"Please talk to me" he whispered helplessly.

"I don't know what to say" I breathed.

"I feel awful. I should have told you immediately" he said, dropping his hand back down into his lap.

As he did so, I spotted the simple silver wedding band that wrapped around his ring finger. Another jolt of pain shot right through me at the sight of it.

"Its okay. I should of known that you would have moved on from me. It was stupid of me to think otherwise" I replied softly.

"If only you hadn't left… Why did you leave me? You never gave an answer, not an honest one at least" He asked.

Every part of me was itching to tell him the truth. To tell him that his father had pushed me away.

"I thought I wanted to get away from this town. From you. But I was wrong" I whispered.

I heard a sharp intake of breath come from him.

"You don't know how many times I wanted to come after you. To bring you home. My dad said that it would be useless. That you left because you didn't want me anymore" He told me.

_That bastard. _

"How are things really? Nobodies ever hurt you out there? Because you hear all these horror stories about pervy photographers…"

"No, nothing like that has ever happened" I cut him off.

He nodded his head and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Almost as if he was sniffing the air.

"You still smell the same. Strawberries and cherry cola…" he trailed off, closing his eyes with a smile.

He remembered so much about me. Was it possible that he still felt the same?

Silly lamb, of course he didn't. He was married now. That bond would be unbreakable, right?

"I didn't think you needed plastic surgery, you were beautiful before all of this. Not that you aren't beautiful now…Shit, you know what I mean right?" He stuttered.

I nodded my head and pulled myself up to my feet.

"Can you tell my dad that I've gone home please? I need to pack" I asked him.

"What? Your not leaving for a while, why do you need to pack?" He questioned.

"I'm leaving tomorrow. I'm sorry, I just didn't realise how difficult it would be to see you here. I need to get away. I'll go to Hawaii early and take a vacation" I told him.

"Bella, I don't want to drive you away from your own fathers wedding. Stay?" he pleaded.

"No. I'm sorry Jake. I need to go" I whispered, turning away from him to walk away.

"Meet me later?" He asked frantically.

I stopped in my tracks but didn't turn around to face him.

"What?" I was dumfounded.

"Please meet me later. We have so much to talk about Bella. I need to talk to you. There are things I need to tell you and things that I'd like you to tell me. Please…" He begged.

"Okay. My cell numbers still the same. Text me with details" I replied.

"You didn't change you cell number?" He asked, sounding confused.

"No" I whispered before walking away.

I knew that leaving the reception in hindsight was probably wrong, but I had spoken to Charlie on the phone and he understood. He apologised for not warning me but I completely understood why he would feel uncomfortable disclosing the information to me.

Leah understood and felt even worse. She felt that she should have told me the minute the bond was formed, but again I told her it wasn't her fault. If I wouldn't answer her calls, how was she to tell me?

It was quite clear that Megan had no idea who I was, or if she did she was hiding it well. Had he even told her? Not like he should have anyway but I was shocked at her warm welcome. I just prayed to god that she wasn't too friendly with Leah. I wouldn't be jealous of that at all, but the thought of sitting across a lunch table from her while she cooed about her perfect marriage? No, I don't think so either.

Again, in hindsight agreeing to meet Jake tonight was also probably a bad idea but I couldn't say no to that. I was desperate to spend time with him no matter how awkward it would be.

There were things I wanted to ask him. How did he meet her? How long were they together before they got married? Did they want children?

I know, I know. What gives me the right to ask? I have no right, but I was once the girl that he wanted all of that with. It may have only been a whirlwind romance, but it was everything to me.

As I lay on my bed I was pulled out of my thoughts by my phone vibrating on the bedside table.

I picked it up to see that Rose was calling. I quickly pressed the green button and brought it up to my ear.

"Hey Rosie"

"_Hi honey. How is everything going?" _

Rose knew everything about my life back home. It had taken me a long time to open up to her but after a bottle of tequila and a few soppy movies one evening, I finally confessed all.

"Hard. Really hard. He's moved on Rosie" I told her.

"_Oh Bella, I'm sorry. Hey, if you want I can kick his girlfriends ass!" _

"No Rose, his wife"

The line went silent for a few moments as I heard her let out a huge breath.

"_No way. Your kidding me, right?"_

"Nope. Mrs Megan Black is perfect"

"_I cant believe it, You must be really hurt. I know what you need"_

"What exactly would that be?"

"_You need me. Me, you and a bottle of tequila"_

"I'm leaving tomorrow Rose. I cant stay here. We'll definitely get together when I get back" I promised.

"_That isn't what I meant Bella. I happen to be just a couple of hundred miles away from Forks and I am coming to you"_

"You don't need to do that"

"_Yes, I do. What did you do when Emmett douchbag McCarty fucked me over? You flew two thousand miles to pick me up off of my kitchen floor. No arguments, I'm coming. Text me the address and I'll be there in a few hours"_

Those were the last words I heard before she hung up. I was lucky to have Rosalie, I knew that much.

Just as I placed my phone back down, it vibrated again. I answered it without looking to see who was calling.

"Give me a chance Rosie, we _just _got off the phone!" I laughed.

"_Ugh…Its Jake" _

I froze. What the hell was it about his voice?

"Hi" I mustered.

"_Will you meet me now?" _

"Sure, where?"

"_Outside your house, ill be there in five minutes"_

I hung up the phone and leapt up off of my bed. I didn't have time to make myself look presentable.

My hair still sat in the pretty chignon that Leah had created for the wedding but I had washed my make up off when I arrived home.

I threw on a pair of plain jeans and a tank top. I pulled on my purple ugg boots and pulled a black zip up hoodie over my shoulders. That would have to do.

I grabbed my phone and texted my details to Rose before racing down the stairs and out of the front door.

Sure enough, I saw Jacobs black pick up truck at the end of the driveway. I coyly stumbled towards the already open passenger side and hopped in.

"Thank you for seeing me" he said solemnly.

I just nodded as he pulled away.

We had been driving in silence for around fifteen minutes before he finally stopped.

"There are so many things we need to talk about. So many things I want to say…" he trailed off.

"I know" I whispered.

"I know your shocked about Megan and I don't blame you"

"Shocked isn't even the word for it Jake. Try crushed, that only slightly sums it up" I blurted.

He looked shocked at my bluntness. Id spoken my mind _a lot _since I had been back. I definitely wasn't the same Bella Swan anymore.

"You said you weren't coming back and I stopped waiting" he muttered.

"Its fine, honestly. I didn't expect you to" _How much was I lying to myself right now?_

"I can see it in your eyes Bells" _Bells? God, I missed that nickname._

"What can you see?" I asked him.

"Longing, love, lust. Just to name a few" he answered quietly.

"Don't do that" I gritted my teeth.

"Do what?" he asked, holding his hands up in front of himself protectively.

"Don't sit there and play with my feelings. Its not fair. Why did you even want me to come out here with you? Where the hell are we?" I asked, raising my voice slightly.

"I didn't mean to upset you Bells, please calm down" he cooed, trying to soothe me.

I was becoming warm, hot in fact. I could feel my lungs constricting. Lord, I couldn't breathe. I needed to get some air.

So swung the passenger door open and leapt out, taking a deep breath of fresh air. I could feel raindrops hitting my face as I closed my eyes, enveloping the cold.

"Bells, what are you doing? You'll catch you death out here!" He shouted to me.

Something inside of me snapped.

"DON'T CALL ME BELLS! IM NOT YOUR BELLS ANYMORE AND YOUR NOT MY JAKE!" I screamed.

I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks, I just couldn't hold them back. Crying had become a bit of a habit in the last couple of days.

"Ill always be your Jake, at least a part of me will always belong to you" he whispered so quietly I could only just hear him.

"That's not true, you moved on. Your married!"

"Its complicated Bella" he sighed.

"Doesn't sound too complicated to me. I left, you got married and now here we are. I'm still fucking crazy about you and you've forgotten about me"

Before I knew it he was in front of me, gripping my shoulders. My face inches away from his.

"You think I forgot about you? I've thought about you everyday since you left. Do you know how hard it was to walk past those magazines on the shelves and not look at them? How it felt to know that half the rez has seen you naked? It makes me insane! Did you know that the first time one of your magazines was released out here, I bought every single copy in every store just so nobody could see what should have been mine?" He seethed, looking me straight in the eye.

I was dumbfounded.

"Do you know that all I want to do is tear any guy who ever got to touch you limb from limb? I want to physically rip their throats out Bella!" He was shouting now.

"Nobody…" I whispered incoherently, still staring into his breathtaking eyes.

"What did you just say?" He asked.

"There's been nobody. Nobody since you Jake. I could never….I didn't want to give myself to anybody else. I didn't want to wash your touch away" I said gently.

His eyes softened at my confession.

"Don't play with me Bella. Are you serious?" He asked.

"Deadly" I whispered.

With that, his beautiful lips crashed down to mine. He kissed me with passionate abandon. The taste of rain and salty tears surrounded my senses.

Before I knew it we were on the ground and there would be no stopping us now.

**Thank you for reading!**


	6. The Games That Play Us

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. I only own Megan Black.**

"_There's been nobody. Nobody since you Jake. I could never….I didn't want to give myself to anybody else. I didn't want to wash your touch away" I said gently._

_His eyes softened at my confession. _

"_Don't play with me Bella. Are you serious?" He asked._

"_Deadly" I whispered._

_With that, his beautiful lips crashed down to mine. He kissed me with passionate abandon. The taste of rain and salty tears surrounded my senses. _

_Before I knew it we were on the ground and there would be no stopping us now._

As his lips collided with mine, pleasure ensued.

I had been dreaming of this moment for years.

My body was enveloped in his. Our limbs were tangled together as we fought for dominance in our kiss. His tongue snaked across my bottom lip begging for access. I opened my mouth to him immediately, feeling his warm tongue wrapping itself around mine.

"Only me…" he panted against my mouth.

That's when it hit me. I wasn't the only one for him and that killed me. What on earth was I doing?

I, Bella Swan, was not a home wrecker. I didn't do this kind of thing, whether it was Jake or not.

He continued to kiss me as his hands softly ghosted my neck.

This wasn't right. It felt so damn good, but it _was_ wrong. I couldn't do this.

I pressed my palm to his chest and gently pushed him away from me, breaking the kiss.

"Jake, I cant. We cant do this" I whispered.

I didn't dare to look into his eyes, afraid that I'd melt into him all over again.

"What?" he asked, dumbfounded.

"We cant do this. Your married now and I don't do this kind of thing. I wont be the other woman" I replied, tracing my finger over my bottom lip.

I was aching for more but I wouldn't let up. Jacob Black was the love of my life but I wouldn't be the his mistress.

"Right…." he mumbled as he scrambled up to his feet.

I looked up at him as he shuffled on his feet uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry I just cant" I whimpered.

He shrugged and stepped back inside the truck. I couldn't believe his attitude towards me. _My_ Jacob would never act this way.

What the hell was wrong with him?

I jumped up to my feet and stepped into the passenger side.

He started the engine and drove away in silence. We didn't speak a word to each other on the ride back to my house. I would occasionally look over at him but his eyes stayed firmly on the road ahead of us.

We pulled up outside my house, silence still surrounding us. He shut off the engine and leant back into his seat.

"I'm sorry" I whispered.

"Its fine" He said bluntly.

His attitude was infuriating. I had done _nothing_ wrong. If anything I had done the _right_ thing. I would not cause a married man to be unfaithful. Sure, I wanted him for myself but at the threat of breaking somebody else's heart? I don't think so. Not for all the love in the world.

"What is your problem?" I snapped.

His head shot round to face me. His eyes showed just how angry he was.

"My problem? Are you serious?" He scoffed.

"Yes, what the _fuck_ is your problem?" I spoke a little louder.

"Get out Bella" he ordered.

"My pleasure asshole" I seethed, jumping out of the truck.

Just as I slammed the door shut he sped off as fast as lightning.

I stood there speechless. What the fuck just happened? How did it all come to this?

As the rain started to pour I span on my heels and ran back to the house. As well as everything else that was going on, I didn't want to catch pneumonia too.

I closed the front door behind me and made my way up to my room.

I changed into my flannel pyjamas before snuggling underneath my duvet. After sending Rosie a text telling her to let herself in, I closed my eyes.

I would not let this eat away at me. Now I knew the truth about everything, I couldn't hold on any longer. It was all on Jake now. If he wanted me enough, then he'd have me. I wouldn't be the other woman. Ever.

He knew that if he wanted me, he had a choice to make. I was pretty sure I already knew what his choice would be.

I cleared my mind of it before drifting off into a peaceful sleep.

"Belllaaaa" I heard a sweet voice coo.

My eyes flickered open to see Rosie standing above me grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"Hey Rose" I mumbled groggily.

"Hello sleepyhead. Nice nap?" She taunted playfully.

I poked my tongue out at her and sat up in bed. I patted the space beside me and she plopped her butt down on the bed.

"So, I take it we have a lot to talk about" she urged.

I groaned loudly and nodded my head.

She leaned over the side of the bed and pulled a bottle of Jose' from her handbag.

"Spill honey" she said, taking a large gulp and passing the bottle over to me.

I took a few swigs before speaking.

"He's fucking married Rose. _Married. _I'd prepared myself for him to have moved on, but to be married? That never even crossed my mind" I sighed.

"Does he still feel something for you?" She asked.

I didn't answer. Instead I took the bottle from her and gulped it down. At this point my throat was stinging from the rawness of the alcohol.

"So, Ill take that as a yes" She giggled.

"I met him tonight, after I left the wedding" I confessed.

Rose looked over at me and raised her eyebrows. I rolled my eyes and laughed lightly.

"So, what happened?" She asked, nudging me gently.

"We kissed" I whispered.

I heard her let out a low whistle.

"I know! I know. Bad Bella" I huffed.

"Hey, this isn't your fault. He clearly expected you to just spread your legs and let him into your head again. He's got a wife Bella, he cant just expect you to be okay with that" She told me.

"I know. I stopped him, I swear. Its just that after all this time, his lips…." I trailed off, lifting my finger to trace my bottom lip.

"Oh dear, I need to meet this guy. He must be hot if he's got you flustered like this from one kiss" She laughed.

"Hot isn't the word Rose, he's breathtaking. Haven't I ever shown you a photo?" I asked her, sure that I had.

"Nope" She replied, popping the "p".

"Oh, I thought I had. I don't have any here. I took them all with me" I muttered.

She handed the bottle to me and I took another large swig. I was feeling the effects of drinking too quickly.

"You know what we need to do?" She asked me excitedly.

"What's that?"

"We need to go out!" She squealed.

"Are you serious? Do you know what time it is?" I asked her, dumbfounded by her spontaneity.

"Oh Bella, its only nine thirty! Don't be such a downer! Come on, get your ass up and put some clothes on!" She encouraged.

"Yes Major Hale" I laughed.

I wasn't too worried about showing off my curves at the best of times but in hindsight maybe I should have rethought my outfit.

Port Angeles wasn't exactly a party town.

I had on a pair of wet look leggings and a tight midnight blue tube top. All topped off by a pair of six inch black Louboutin pumps. My hair was still in the messy chignon from the wedding, but the roughness of it added to the charm.

Rosie look stunning as usual wearing a tight, red dress. It came up mid thigh and tied around her neck. She was wearing a pair of red wedge heels. Her hair flowed down her back perfectly, as usual.

I had tried to explain to her that we were a little overdressed for a night out in Port Angeles, but she was having none of it. She insisted that we go out to lift my spirits.

"Rosie, I have no idea where you want to go" I huffed.

"Oh ssshh. Anywhere with shots, I don't care" She laughed as we carried on walking along the sidewalk.

We walked for a few more minutes before Rosie pulled me to a halt.

"We could go in there" She suggested, pointing to the bar in front of us.

It looked a little run down from the outside, but I guess appearances weren't everything right?

"We may as well go in for a few beers! Come on Bella!" She shrieked, pulling me towards the entrance.

We strolled straight passed the bouncer. The eye-fuck he gave us didn't go a miss.

As I suspected, the bar was small and a little rundown. There was one large bar, a few booths and a large pool table in the corner of the room.

"Well, this is fine" Rosie shrugged dragging me over to the bar with her.

It was pretty dead. There were a few guys drinking at the bar and a handful of people occupying the booths.

"What can I get you two, ladies?" The bartender asked.

I'd take a guess that he was around thirty. He was a little larger, his short hair spiked up. He seemed nice enough.

"Two bottles of beer and four shots of cherry vodka please" Rose asked politely.

He nodded his head and smiled at her before going about his job.

"Jesus Rosie, I'm already a little drunk. What are you trying to do to me?" I giggled.

"We are on a mission. We are going to make you forget Jacob Black, even if its just for one night!" She shrieked.

We paid for our drinks before taking a seat at a table in the corner of the bar. Music filled the air, Muse's "Plug In Baby" if I'm not mistaken.

"Ready Bella?" She asked me, sliding two shots of red liquid over to me.

"What the hell" I shrugged, necking the two of the quickly.

"So, you want to talk any more about it or not?" Rose asked me, taking a swig of her beer.

"I could talk about it until I go blue in the face but that wont help matters. No, I want to forget just for one night. Jacob Black is an asshole, end of story" I stated, slamming my fist down on the table.

"Yeah, I've known the dude all his life. Asshole pretty much sums it up" I heard someone say.

I turned my head to see Embry standing there with a guy I didn't recognise. I leapt up out of my seat and gave him a bone crushing hug.

"Embry! What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"Just out with a few friends, who's the pretty lady?" He asked me, nodding towards Rose.

"This is Rosalie Hale. Rosalie, this is Embry Call. Who's your friend?" I asked.

"Oh, this is Jared" He introduced.

"Nice to meet you Jared" I smiled, giving him a quick hug before taking my seat.

"You wanna sit?" Rose asked, gesturing to the two empty chairs.

Both shrugged and sat themselves down at the table.

"So, you know Jacob huh?" Rose asked them.

I kicked her sharply under the table.

"Jeez Bella, calm yourself" She hissed.

"I just don't want to talk about him" I muttered.

"Well, in that case we say no more about him" Embry smiled.

I mouthed a thank you at him before taking a large swig of my beer.

"Man I love a woman that can drink beer" Jared laughed.

"Well, you've hit the jackpot then buddy" Rose joked.

We spent the next couple of hours laughing and joking around. It felt good to be happy and just forget my problems. It was fair to say that by this point I was pretty drunk. We had finished off a whole bottle of cherry vodka between the four of us. For some reason, neither guys seemed effected by it much. It was just Rose and I that couldn't hold in our giggles.

"So one of the first shoots Bella ever did, well its probably the funniest thing I've ever seen. She was like naked with whipped cream over crucial parts and this photographer was a little too excited" Rose giggled.

If was sober I would have been mortified by this conversation, but at this point I really didn't care.

"He was literally sweating, it was hilarious. If she'd have put it all on a plate in front of him I think he would have pissed his pants!" She was laughing uncontrollably now.

"Oh god, Rosie!" I shrieked, feeling the blood rush to my cheeks.

"God Bella, that's so funny!" Jared laughed.

"Yeah well, luckily I've had the same photographer for a while now. No more uncomfortable moments, thank the lord" I told them.

The laughter died down as we carried on drinking our pitcher of long island ice tea.

"Seriously though Bella, you sound like you've had an incredible few years" Embry said.

"Yeah, its been great. I feel so lucky. I know most people would frown upon my choice of career but it really has helped me grow. I'm not little Bella Swan anymore" I replied.

"Well I for one am proud of you honey" he smiled, pulling me in for a hug.

"Thanks Em"

I heard the door swing open behind me but paid no mind to it at all. Clearly by the look on Embry's face, I should have done. I chugged the rest of my drink down before shrugging at Embry.

"What's wrong with you? You look like you've seen a monster" I laughed sheepishly.

"Oh Bella, I think I have" he muttered, looking straight past my head.

"Wow, who's Mr tall dark and handsome?" Rose asked, eye-fucking whoever was behind me at the bar.

"Uh Bella, I think its time to go" Embry urged.

"What the hell are you talking about? I'm having fun! What's wrong with that? I came out with Rosie to forget all about Jacob fucking Black!" I shouted.

Embry winced at my words.

"I'm glad that I'm so easy to forget"

Shit. Double shit. Scrap that. Fuck.

I daren't turn my head around. I already knew who was standing behind me.

"Not talking? That's becoming a bit of a trend these days" He sniped.

Before I could answer, Rosie piped up.

"Who the fuck do you think you are asshole? We're just trying to have a little fun"

"Feisty. I see where Bella gets it from now" he jabbed.

"Jacob Black. I expected more from you from what Bella told me. Have some respect and leave us alone" She ordered.

Ah, I loved Rose.

"If Bella wants me to leave, then I'll leave. What's it to be, Bells?" he asked.

I shivered at the nickname. Why did he insist on calling me that? I was sure he knew what it did to me.

I took a deep, deep breath before answering.

"Free country" I muttered.

He took that as a clear invitation and pulled up a chair beside me.

"Play nice and everything will be fine" Rose told him, sipping her drink.

Jake smirked and took a swig of his beer.

"So, carry on with your conversation. Don't mind me" Jake urged.

"We were talking about Bella's uh….you know….job" Embry stuttered.

"Carry on…I don't mind. I'd like to know more" He told us.

I looked over at him and raised my eyebrows. Jake just smiled and shrugged.

"Okay….Any questions?" I asked them.

"I've got hundreds Bella, but I don't think many of them would be appropriate" Jared laughed.

"Well, pick out the clean ones and ill do my best to answer" I said, pouring myself another glass.

"Okay. Ever been to the Playboy mansion?" Jared asked.

"Yep. I've been a few times. The parties at that place are mind blowing" I told them.

"Oh man, your so lucky. I'd give my right arm to go to one of those parties" He sighed.

"Well, I cant promise anything but you may just get your wish one day" I suggested, laughing.

"Are you serious?" Embry's eyes lit up.

"I can try, I usually get a few guest passes"

I watched as Embry and Jared started whispering to one another. They looked like a couple of horny teenagers.

"Uh, Bella. I'm gonna go to the bathroom, you gonna be okay here?" Rose asked.

"Yeah, ill be fine" I replied honestly.

I took a large gulp of my drink as she walked away from us.

"I'm gonna get another drink" I mumbled, standing up.

"I'll come with you" Jake said, jumping up from his seat.

I shrugged and walked over to the bar.

An awkward silence ensued as we waited to be served. The bar had filled out a lot since we'd arrived.

I caught Jake staring at me out the corner of my eye.

"Do I have something on my face?" I asked nervously.

"No. You just look gorgeous" he replied, running his tongue along his bottom lip.

I swear I gushed into my panties at that slight movement. He didn't even know what he did to me. It was bittersweet torture.

"Uh, thanks" I giggled nervously.

"Just speaking the truth like my Dad taught me"

At the mention of Billy my whole body tensed up. I gritted my teeth together as hard as I could.

"What's the matter? Something I said?" He asked, sounding concerned.

I wanted to tell him, so badly. What would he say? Would he even _believe _me? I doubted it but then if we were really supposed to getting over this, didn't he deserve to know the truth? I didn't want to cause trouble between him and his father. I knew that Billy still relied on Jake a little because of the wheelchair.

"Bella. Your worrying me a little, what's the matter?" He asked, placing a warm hand on my shoulder.

Was it worth it? Was Jake worth it? I didn't even have to waste my time thinking of the answer.

"Jake, there's something I have to tell you"

**Please review and let me know what you thought.**


	7. Crash Course In Polite Conversations

_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I only own Megan Black._

_I wanted to tell him, so badly. What would he say? Would he even believe me? I doubted it but then if we were really supposed to getting over this, didn't he deserve to know the truth? I didn't want to cause trouble between him and his father. I knew that Billy still relied on Jake a little because of the wheelchair. _

"_Bella. Your worrying me a little, what's the matter?" He asked, placing a warm hand on my shoulder._

_Was it worth it? Was Jake worth it? I didn't even have to waste my time thinking of the answer._

"_Jake, there's something I have to tell you" _

"What is it?" Jake asked curiously.

How do I say it out loud? I had thought about how I would tell him this for a _long _time. Now that I was standing in front of him ready to bare all, I was speechless. I literally couldn't get a word out. Not a single sound.

"Bella? Is everything okay?" He asked again, tracing circles on my upper arm with his thumb.

I must have looked ridiculous standing there with my mouth wide open.

"Uh…um…yeah…" I was cut off by a high pitched squeal coming from the doorway behind me.

Jakes eyes snapped up in the direction that the irritating squeal had come from.

"Jacob!"

Oh. Fuck. My. Life.

"Hey Meg" he muttered, forcing a smile.

I slipped a ten dollar bill over the bar and walked back to the table with my beer.

"You wanna go home Bella?" Embry asked me, looking concerned.

"Nah, its okay. I have to deal with it sooner or later, right?" I replied, taking a large gulp of my beer.

"You sure? There's another bar a couple of blocks away…"

"Honestly Em, its fine. Besides, I have you guys to keep my mind off of them right?" I forced out a smile.

Embry nodded and continued to talk with Quil.

Thankfully I didn't have the time to feel awkward as Rose took her seat back at the table. She noticed my mood immediately and placed a soothing hand on my thigh.

"What's the matter honey?" Rose asked me.

I didn't utter a word. Just nodded towards the happy couple at the bar. I watched her as her eyes glanced in their direction. Her eyes widened and I knew that she understood.

"Oh Bella…." She whispered.

I couldn't bring myself to look up at them, afraid that if I did my heart would shatter for the millionth time.

"How dare he bring her here?" Rose screeched.

Embry's head shot around to us. He'd been whispering with Jared for a few minutes now. A little too suspiciously if you ask me.

"Bella, do you wanna take a walk outside?" He asked me.

"Um…Okay?" I replied, clearly confused at the offer.

"Don't worry! Its not a come on, I just think there's some things you need to know. Things that you wont get told unless I spill…" He trailed off, hoping I'd catch his drift.

"Oh, right yeah. Rosie, will you be okay here with Jared for a minute?" I asked her.

"Yeah sure. We can get to know each other a little better" She replied, giving me a wink.

I rolled my eyes and stood up from my chair.

"Lead the way" I told Embry.

We walked straight past Jake and Megan, straight out of the door. I didn't look back to see if he noticed. The thought of them in each others arms made my skin crawl already, I didn't need a visual to go with it.

Embry and I walked a few feet before taking a seat on a wooden bench next to the roadside. We sat in silence for a moment before he spoke.

"I'm sorry that you had to come back to this Bella" He told me apologetically.

"Don't be silly Embry, none of this is your fault"

"I wouldn't be so sure of that Bella…" He muttered.

"What do you mean?" I asked curiously.

"I don't even know where to start Bella"

"Well, please try. I have no idea what your talking about and your starting to confuse me" I told him, getting agitated.

"Okay, here goes. Bella, Megan's father owns our garage. He offered to pay our mortgage off when Jake started dating Megan" He half explained.

"Okay, but I don't see what this has to do with anything…" I urged.

"I really shouldn't be telling you this…."

"Telling her what Embry?"

What was it with him and creeping up on me unexpected? It was infuriating, but god did it make me want him even more. If that was possible.

"Nothing man, we were just getting some air that's all" he told him, making excuses.

"I'd like to talk to Bella if that's okay. Could you do me a favour and keep Megan busy in the bar? I'll owe you one" Jake pleaded with him.

Embry sighed and nodded his head. He whispered something into Jakes ear that I couldn't quite hear before making his way back into the bar.

"I didn't know she was going to be here tonight" he told me gently.

"Whatever. She's your wife, right? I don't blame her for wanting to be around you" I huffed.

God, I sounded like a snotty teenager again but he definitely deserved it. I felt him sit down next to me as I stared down at my now dirty Louboutins. It would take a lot of effort to get the dirt off of them. Or maybe I could just buy some new ones. Not that they'd have a store in Port Angeles that sold them….

"Bella?" He nudged, snapping me out of my haze.

"Yeah"

"I know you don't believe me but I really am sorry. I need to tell you a few things about my marriage with Megan" He told me.

"I don't mean to sound harsh Jake but I _really _don't need to know details" I replied, silently praying that he wouldn't divulge.

"Bella, I really think you need to here this. Maybe then you'll understand"

"Just tell me and then let me go Jake. I need you to let me go" I begged.

He took hold of my hands and brought them up to his chest, staring me straight in the eye.

"There are things that you don't know Bells. You have no idea how much I wanted to wait for you, but I couldn't. Things happened that changed my path completely" He told me.

Now I was intrigued. I nodded, urging him to continue.

"I got Megan pregnant" he mumbled under his breath, probably hoping that I wouldn't hear him.

How many times was my heart going to break on this trip? I might as well jump off of a cliff now and get it over with.

"You….have a child?" I whimpered.

He let out a deep breath before continuing.

"No, she lost the baby when she was in her third trimester" he replied, looking solemn.

All of my angst melted away and I had the sudden urge to just be there for my best friend. I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and squeezed him tightly.

"Its fine Bella, I'm fine" He assured me.

"So, then you got married?" I asked him, still not able to piece things together.

"No, we married a couple of months after we found out she was pregnant. Its an unwritten rule for Quileute's that if you get a girl pregnant, you marry her" He sighed heavily.

"Oh"

That was all I could say. What else was there?

There were so many questions floating around in my head. Did that mean he didn't love her? Was he forced into marriage? Why was he still with her?

"I fooled myself into believing that I loved her and I guess after we lost the baby, I started to. I couldn't bring myself to break her heart again. She was a wreck for months afterwards, so I just carried on with life. I tried to block you out as hard as that is for you to hear, but I couldn't do it. I busied myself with the business and tried to just get along…." He trailed off to take a deep breath.

"Go on…" I urged.

"Then I saw you on the television. Our sex life wavered after the miscarriage and I thought about trying porn. Megan wasn't really into it but I convinced her to give it a chance. So there we were, dialling in the credit card details. Everything was fine until…Until you appeared on the screen" He muttered.

I knew exactly what he was talking about. When I had done my second shoot for Playboy, they had filmed the footage of the pictorial for Playboy TV. I remembered the candid conversations I had engaged in with the director and photographer. They weren't by any means trashy, but they did divulge information about the people in my life.

"I'm sorry you had to see that" I whispered.

"Don't apologise, its not your fault. Megan wasn't into it at all thankfully, but I paused the show and continued watching it after she'd fallen asleep. I know that was awful of me but I couldn't believe that you were there on my TV screen" he explained.

I nodded, dumbfounded.

"So, the stuff you said in that tape. You were pretty open" He nudged.

"Yeah…"

That was all I could say. Just knowing that he had seen that footage embarrassed me. I really didn't want to have to talk about it too.

"Sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable" he said.

"No its fine, I guess I just didn't expect anybody I knew to see that. Pretty stupid considering that channel's available all over America" I giggled nervously.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of Bella. I should have supported you" He told me.

I was a little taken aback by his admission. Jake had been furious when I left.

"Its all in the past. There's nothing we can do about it now, right?"

He just shrugged and stared down at the pavement beneath us.

Did that mean that there was something we could do about it? God, this was the biggest head fuck I had ever received in my entire existence. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why did we have to grow up?

"You love her now though, right?" I asked cautiously.

"Yes" he whispered.

I felt tears stinging my ears, but I would not let them fall.

"Well, I had better go get Rosalie. I really should be going home, its been a long day" I excused, jumping up to my feet.

"Bella…" He started, standing up.

I put my hands out in front of me defensively. Emotionally not physically.

"Please Jake. Its a lot to take in, at least give me time to process it" I begged.

He sighed in disagreement, but nodded all the same.

"Can I see you again?" He asked me.

"Of course. Ill come by the shop one day" I offered, with a small smile.

"That would be great, I'd love for you to see it"

The question was, how many times would I be able to tolerate the company of Jacob Black before tearing his clothes off?

Rosalie didn't come home that night. Instead, I received a text message at around four am telling me that she was staying the night at Jared's. I couldn't help but smile and be jealous at the same time. I wanted the closeness that she would be sharing with him. Was I really right to save myself for Jake after all this time? My virginity was special to me and I hadn't been prepared to give it to just anybody.

The question was though, was it time to think about giving it to somebody else? Jake and I had sworn to each other that we would lose it together and he broke that promise. Not that I can blame him, he was stunning and it had only been a matter of time before somebody snatched him up. I guess I had just never welcomed the thought of doing it with anybody else.

I had proved to myself that I could live without Jake but could I move on from him? Did I want to?

That same question had been swirling around my mind for a little over three years now and I never had the courage to come up with an answer.

Yes, he was married. Yes, she was perfect. But did he still love me? I could see it in his eyes. He was right, it wasn't over and it never would be. We were two spirits that were just meant to be.

I needed to talk with him. I needed answers. Proper answers about us. I needed to find out if I was wasting my time. I needed to find out if he would ever leave her. It was bold and I knew it, but it had to be done. If the answer was no, then I would do my best to move on. If the answer was yes, well I'd just have to go with it.

The feisty side of Bella Swan was telling me to fight dirty but the caring side of Bella Swan couldn't do it that way.

I would be myself and if that wasn't good enough…

Well if that was the case he didn't deserve me anyway.

The next morning I woke up to the smell of fresh bacon and eggs. It filled my nostrils and was more than enough of an insentive to get up out of bed. I slipped on my black silk dressing gown and made my way downstairs.

"Good morning Bella, how did you sleep?" Sue asked me, cracking open some more eggs into the frying pan.

"Very well thank you. I'm sorry I left your reception early yesterday, I was a little shocked" I apologised.

"Oh honey, don't you worry about that. I knew that we should have mentioned it, Charlie and I felt awful" She replied, shooting me a sympathetic glance.

"Thank you for understanding" I muttered as I took a seat at the table.

"By the way, Rosalie is a lovely girl" Sue smiled.

"You met her, huh? I hope its okay that she's staying here"

"Of course Bella, its fine. Charlie and I are going away for the weekend anyway. You'll need somebody to keep you company"

Her kindness never ceased to amaze me. My father was a very lucky man.

We ate breakfast together and chatted about the wedding the day before. Sue had informed me that Rose had headed out early to a job she had on in Seattle. Sue told me that she would be back by six.

After breakfast, I excused myself and took a shower. I spent a good half an hour standing beneath the piping hot water. I would need to contribute something towards the water bill.

The rest of the day passed by in a flash. Partially because I had taken a rather large nap in the afternoon. The kind of nap that would probably prevent me from sleeping that night, but what the hell? I needed it after the previous nights antics.

I had tried to process all of the information that Jake had given me but it just wasn't going in. I was angry that he had practically been pushed into marriage with Megan. I was sad for both of them for their loss. Most of all, I was curious as to whether he actually wanted to be with her or not.

He had told me that he had grown to love her, but how much?

There was loving somebody and then there was being _in_ love with somebody. So which one was it? I knew that a big part of me had no right to even ask, but that other tiny part just wouldn't stop niggling away at me.

Was there a chance that Jake and I could be together again? I still had to tell him about Billy but I had decided that I would wait. I didn't want to cause more trouble than I already had. Megan was bound to have her suspicions. If she didn't then she was surely missing a few brain cells.

It was my god given right to hate the woman. I knew that in all sensibility I wasn't being fair, but when did being fair ever work out for anyone? It certainly hadn't for me.

I left all I knew, all I loved. All because one pathetic little man didn't want his son to be with a white girl. Looking back on it now, I see how weak I was to walk away. At the time I thought I was doing Jake a favour, but now it seems that I may have caused hell for him. If I hadn't left, he would have never met Megan. She never would have fallen pregnant. They never would have been married.

That could have been Jake and I. _We_ could have been married. _I _could have been pregnant with his child.

Maybe all we ever needed was to have a taste of life without each other. Maybe that's what we both needed to realise that we were meant to be.

Just a simple touch from him sent my body into a frenzy. The kiss we had shared had set my body on fire. Nobody had EVER kissed me like that. Of course nobody _had_ kissed me since Jake, but even he hadn't been that passionate before.

It is the passion that is in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness, it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it.

**How did I do? Any good? **

**Thank you all for reading. You are the reason I write! **

**The last line of this chapter is borrowed from Christian Nevell Bovee.**

**Please review and let me know your thoughts.**

**Thank you for reading **


	8. I Will Dare

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I only own Megan Black. **

**Enjoy!**

_That could have been Jake and I. We could have been married. I could have been pregnant with his child. _

_Maybe all we ever needed was to have a taste of life without each other. Maybe that's what we both needed to realise that we were meant to be. _

_Just a simple touch from him sent my body into a frenzy. The kiss we had shared had set my body on fire. Nobody had EVER kissed me like that. Of course nobody had kissed me since Jake, but even he hadn't been that passionate before. _

_It is the passion that is in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness, it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it._

Two days had passed since the night at the bar. I didn't call Jake and he didn't call me.

I had kept myself busy with Rosalie. She and I had spent the last two nights slumped on the sofa, eating ice cream and watching soppy movies.

Why was it that Nicholas Sparks had the ability to make every girl cry with every movie that had been adapted from his books? Of course we'd already seen each one at least a dozen times, but they never failed to melt us completely.

I tried the best I could to hide my heartbreak from Rosie but she knew me better than that. She never made me talk and I appreciated that. What was there to say? That I was completely, irrevocably in love with my ex boyfriend but it would never happen because he was married.

Of course I had told Jake that I would stop by the garage and say hi but to be truthful, I wasn't sure if I could. Every moment I spent with him reminded me just how good we were together. Every time his skin brushed against mine I remembered how amazing it was to be in his arms.

Was it fair of him to ask that of me?

I knew that I wanted Jakes friendship, even if I couldn't have anything else from him. Everything he had told me had now sunk in. He married Megan because she was pregnant but having sex with her was his own doing. I wish I was cruel enough to believe that he deserved the mess he was in. Wrap it before you whack it. That was the saying right?

I couldn't help but imagine a little Jake running around. There was no doubt that the kid would have been breathtaking. Megan was stunning, although it pained me to admit it. I wondered if there was different side to her. An ugly side. Nobody was perfect, right?

"Honey, we need to get out of this house today" Rosie suggested.

"I know" I replied, sighing in defeat.

"Well, I think its time you went to see Jacob" She muttered.

My head snapped up at her suggestion. Was this girl for real?

"You heard me, I think you need to see him"

"Are you serious? Do you know how difficult it is to be in the same room as him?" I seethed.

"Yes I know that, but you need to get it over with. If needs be, you have to lay what you two shared to rest" She encouraged, placing a caring hand on my shoulder.

She was right. Of course she was. What I was doing to myself wasn't healthy. Jake and I needed to let it go.

He needed to release me.

"Okay" I whispered.

Rose stood up and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead.

"I've laid your clothes out for you on your bed. Get dressed and ill take you over there, okay?"

I simply nodded and made my way to the bathroom.

I dressed myself in a simple pair of dark blue skinny jeans and a red v-neck sweater. I pulled my hair back into a messy bun and added a little mascara to my lashes before heading downstairs.

"Put your shoes on and ill go wait in the car" Rosalie pushed.

I knew she wanted to get me there as soon as possible in case I changed my mind. I slipped on my red wedged heels, grabbed my purse and made my way out to the truck.

"Ready?" Rose asked as I buckled up.

"As ill ever be…" I muttered to myself.

The drive over was quiet. Silent in fact. Rose had found a business card with the address on, so we knew exactly where to go.

She didn't utter a word to me. I guess she knew that I needed to think about what I was going to say once I got there. Knowing me, I'd forget my words and melt into him once again.

"We're here" She whispered, pulling in front of Black Auto shop.

I took a deep breath and opened to door.

"Call me when you need me to come get you, okay?"

"Thank you" I said, forcing out a smile.

I stepped out of the car and closed the door behind me. There was no turning back now.

"Bella!" I heard someone shout as Rose pulled away.

I turned around to see that it was Quil.

"Hey Q. Is Jake here?" I asked.

"Sure, he's round the back. Come on, ill show you" He offered, wrapping a secure arm around my shoulders.

We walked around the side of the building and round to the back.

"He's just over there, go on over" He nudged before walking away.

As I walked over to the direction I had been pointed in, I spotted a pair of jean clad legs peeping out from underneath a metallic black bonnet.

Definitely Jake.

"Jake" I muttered.

I watched as he pushed himself out from under the car. I swear I nearly died right there.

There he was, with nothing but a pair of low slung jeans hanging on his hips. His bare chest was covered with a mixture of sweat and motor oil. He had never looked sexier.

"Hey Bells" He welcomed, smiling _that_ smile at me.

God, this was going to be so hard.

"Did you have time to talk?" I asked, shuffling on the heels of my feet.

"Sure" He replied, wiping the oil from his hands on the t-shirt hanging from his pocket.

He motioned me over to a workbench outside the back door of the shop.

"Sit, I'll get us some sodas" He told me.

I did as I was asked as he reached into a cooler, taking out two cokes and handing one to me.

"So, what's up?" He asked me, gulping down his soda.

I was mesmerized watching him. Such a simple thing as drinking turned me on beyond belief. Hell, he looked so damn good that he could be the new spokesperson for it.

"Um…I just thought we should talk" I stuttered.

Jake chuckled lightly before leaning on the bonnet of the car, folding his beautifully toned arms across his chest. How could one man be so perfect?

"Okay, about what?" He asked again.

"I…um…I've been thinking about everything" I managed, having no idea what to say next.

Jake just nodded, urging me to carry on.

"I don't even know how to start…" I trailed off, biting my bottom lip.

"You know you can tell me anything Bells" He soothed.

I had a feeling that he wasn't going to like what was about to come out of my mouth.

"I'm leaving Jake" I whispered.

Then there was silence. Nothing. Not a word was uttered for a few seconds.

Seconds that felt like years.

"Jake?" I urged, desperate for him to say something.

He looked up at me, his eyes shimmering. Was he crying?

"Just go then. Isn't that what you do best after all?" He sniped.

My mouth dropped open slightly. I was shocked at his switch in moods.

"You _married_ somebody Jake! You cant just expect me to hang around watching you two play happy families! Or is that what you want? Do you want me to suffer? Do you want to punish me for leaving you?" I shouted at him.

He didn't even flinch, but he didn't take his eyes off of mine either. Jake just stood there staring a hole right through me. I couldn't read the emotion in his eyes. His jaw was set tightly and I could just make out the pulsing in his throat.

"Jake…" I whispered, silently begging him to talk.

Before I knew it he had me pushed up against the side of the car, his arms pinned either side of my shoulders. His warm breath brushed across my face. He smelt delicious.

"What are you doing?" I asked, trembling beneath him.

I looked deep into his eyes and all I could see was lust. Pure, unadulterated lust.

"Do you having any idea how much I have wanted you since you got back? Seeing you walking around here in your stilletos and your tight clothes. Your driving me crazy Bella. All I want to do is have you. Just once. I've spent the last three years wondering what we would have been like together, what it would have felt like. Please Bella, just one time?" He begged.

Was he crazy? Like out of his mind crazy!

"W…what?" I stuttered.

"Please Bella, I'm begging you"

"Are you insane?" I asked him, unable to believe what I was hearing.

"No. I know you want me too, I see the way you look at me. Do you still dream of giving yourself to me?" He asked me, trailing his index finger along my jaw line.

"I…Of course. You're the only person I've _ever_ wanted to give myself to, but your married now!"

"Its always been you Bella, always you" He whispered, planting a soft kiss on my cheek.

I thought about what he was proposing to me. One night. Just Jake and I, doing the things I always wanted to do. Yes, he was married but did that _really_ matter in the grand scheme of things. It would just be one night together.

Bittersweet bliss.

Could I do it? Could I have everything I craved for just a few hours and walk away not wanting more? Or would I find myself even more tied to him than I did before?

"How….People would find out" I stammered nervously.

"Let me take you away for the night, we'll go to Seattle. I'll book a hotel and we'll spend the evening there. Please say yes, will you come?" He whispered into ear, nipping my lobe lightly.

Yes. That was all it would take.

"And it would just be one time?" I asked, almost hopeful that he'd say no.

"Just once" He whispered back, his breath tickling my neck.

"And if I agree, you'll let me walk away completely?" I asked him.

Of course he was by no means forcing me into this. I wanted it just as much if not more than him. I just needed to test out the waters.

"I'll let you go"

"Okay, I agree" I told him confidently.

Jake pulled his face away from my neck and looked me dead in the eye. That fuck-me smile glowering down at me. I could easily hop right on him right then and there.

"Tonight?" He asked hopefully.

"That's a little soon" I whimpered.

"Come on Bells, don't make me wait any longer" He pouted.

I couldn't help but let a small laugh escape my lips. He was just the cutest.

"Tonight" I agreed.

Jake pulled me up into a bone crushing hug, I wrapped my arms around his waist tightly.

"I'll text you the details. Will you be able to meet me there?" He asked me.

I nodded and tucked a piece of stray hair behind my ear.

"Okay, well I'd better finish up here or I'll never get off" He told me, making his way back round to the bonnet of the car.

"Text me" I called as I walked away.

_What the hell did I just agree to? _

Here I was, sitting up on my bed sobbing like a baby. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I had wanted Jake from the moment I met him. The moment our eyes met on First Beach all those years ago, I knew he was the one. I knew that nobody else would even come close.

I was offering myself up on a plate for him and he was doing the same for me. In a strange way, I knew that I wouldn't be able to move on until I knew what it felt like with him. I needed to feel Jake in every way possible.

I guess some people would frown upon our impending actions, but to hell with them. They didn't understand. They never could.

This was about what Jake and I wanted from each other. Married or not, to me he was still _my _Jake. I had pushed Megan to the back of my mind. I wouldn't think of her and I'd hoped he wouldn't either. Selfish, I know.

"Bella, are you up there?" I heard Rose call up the stairs.

"Yeah!" I hollered back.

Then came the other predicament. Should I tell her? Would she scold me and tell me I was being ridiculous? Or would she take everything I had told her over the years into account and understand why this needed to be done?

"I was worried about you" She told me, sitting down on the bed beside me.

I just shrugged and stared down at the blanket beneath me.

"You've been crying. Honey, what's wrong?" She asked me, wrapping an arm around my waist.

Rose was my best friend and I knew that if I didn't tell her she'd be hurt.

"I need to tell you something" I whispered.

"Okay….What is it?" She asked, sounding a little apprehensive.

How to say it? Oh by the way Rosie, Jake and I are heading off to a hotel to have seedy night of passion while his wife sits at home….

"Its about Jake and I"

"Has that idiot come to his senses yet?" She scoffed.

I shook my head and took a deep breath.

"I'm going to spend the night with him" I mumbled.

I heard her take in a sharp breath.

"Honey, do you think that's a good idea?" She asked.

"I don't know, but I know it needs to be done. I cant move on from him until I know what it feels like. I need to feel what _she _gets to have, every night in _their _bed" I explained.

Rose squeezed me gently, laying her head on my shoulder.

"You're my best friend. If you need to do this, I'll stand by you. Just know that if afterwards you need somebody to talk to or even just to cry to, I'm here for you"

"Thank you for understanding Rose. I know what I'm doing is beyond selfish but…" She cut me off quickly.

"You don't need to explain yourself to me Bella. Do you want my help getting ready?" She asked me.

I was taken aback by her understanding nature. All I could do was nod.

Suddenly, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I pulled away from Rose and brought it up into view.

_One New Message. _

I clicked the green button and read it.

_Meet me at the Marlot hotel at 8? _

_Thank you so much for this, Bells._

_You have no idea what this means to me. _

_See you later_

_Jake x_

I did know what it meant to him, because it meant everything to me.

"That was him?" Rose asked quietly.

I simply nodded before writing my reply.

_I'll be there._

_Bells x_

I pressed the send button before stuffing my phone back into my pocket.

Everything in me wanted this night to be perfect. Just Jake and Bells, like old times.

"Rose, can you dye my hair for me?" I asked her, hopefully.

"Of course" She beamed back at me.

I was possibly the luckiest girl on the planet. She was always there for me, whenever I needed her.

"Well, lets get a move on Swan!"

Three hours later, after _a lot _of preparation I was ready to go.

My hair was now back to my original deep chocolate colour, which I hadn't realised how much I'd missed until now. My make up was light and natural.

I was wearing a deep plum mini dress with a deep v-neck that ducked down way past my breasts. The sleeves were long and flowed gracefully down to my elbows. I matched it all off with a pair of simple black high heels, with the signature red sole of course.

"You look stunning Bella" Rose gushed, admiring her work.

"Thank you" I whispered.

I checked myself over one more time before making sure I had everything I'd need for the night. I had packed a pair of pyjamas, knowing that I probably wouldn't need them.

"Okay, are you ready?" She asked.

"Yes, I'm ready. Walk me out to the car?" I asked her.

She smiled at me and nodded.

We walked down to the car. I shoved my bag into the trunk and made my way round to the drivers side where she was waiting.

"Call me if you need me" She told me, pulling me in for a hug.

"I will" I assured her.

"Have a good night, Bells. Cherish every moment" She whispered, pulling away from the hug.

I nodded and wiped the stray tear away from my eye.

"Bye Rosie" I called as I closed the door behind me.

I watched as she walked back into the house. I could only pray that I wouldn't end up breaking down on her twenty four hours from now.

The drive over to Seattle was nerve wracking to say the least. As you can tell by my occupation I'm not afraid to take my clothes off, but in front of Jake was a totally different ball game. He meant everything to me and the thought of being naked before him left me breathless. I never thought I'd have the chance to be with him this way, especially after everything I'd discovered when I got back here.

I would do exactly as Rose had said.

I would cherish every moment I had with him and I would remember it forever.

**I know that some of you will be disappointed with Bella's intentions, but just remember that she is desperately clinging onto anything she can get from him. If anyone is at fault here, its Jake. As much as I love his character in this, sometimes I just wanna give him a slap! **

**I have been on the receiving and giving end of cheating. Neither one is pleasant. So I apologise now if I have offended anyone!**

**Please review and let me know what you thought of this. **

**Thank you for reading x**


	9. Near Wild Heaven

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I only own Megan Black.**

**Enjoy!**

The drive over to Seattle was nerve wracking to say the least. As you can tell by my occupation I'm not afraid to take my clothes off, but in front of Jake was a totally different ball game. He meant everything to me and the thought of being naked before him left me breathless. I never thought I'd have the chance to be with him this way, especially after everything I'd discovered when I got back here.

I would do exactly as Rose had said.

I would cherish every moment I had with him and I would remember it forever.

As I pulled up outside the Marlot hotel in the centre of Seattle, my heart had started to beat rapidly in my chest. I didn't know what to expect. I had no idea where to look for him and I didn't know how I was going to hold it together.

Just as I had turned my engine off, my phone started to ring in my lap.

It was Jake.

"Hello" I answered timidly.

"Hey Bells"

"Um…I'm outside" I mumbled.

"I was scared you wouldn't come"

"How could I not?" I laughed nervously.

"Don't be nervous baby. I'm in room 315. Come right up, okay?"

"Sure, I'll see you in a few minutes"

I hung up the phone and stepped out of my car. Before handing my keys to valet I grabbed my overnight bag from the trunk.

The accent up to Jakes hotel room was a bit of a blur. I couldn't think straight. I just had to get up there as quickly as possible before I ran right back out of the door.

The hotel was beautiful. It was decorated perfectly with beautiful drapes and light fittings. It wasn't at all the kind of place that you'd expect people to meet for a secret rendezvous. A night here must have cost a fortune.

As I walked down the long hallway I straightened out my dress and fluffed out my hair, making sure it was perfect.

I stopped as I noticed those three glistening numbers.

315.

Jake was right behind that door and I had never been more excited to see him.

Just as I went to knock on the door, it was swung open.

There were no words. Nothing. I was rendered speechless.

Jake was standing before me looking like something out of GQ.

He had on a pair of black slacks, a white shirt that was unbuttoned to the chest and an untied black bow tie that hung wonderfully around his collar. His smile almost knocked me off my feet.

"Wow…your hair Bells" He whispered to himself, taking in my appearance.

I looked down at the floor shyly before walking into the hotel room. He closed the door behind me and made his way over to the far side of the room.

The room was beautiful. Decorated the same as the main lobby, the cream carpets and deep red drapes made it feel like something out of an old fashioned movie. There was a stunning oak, four poster bed dressed in black satin sheets and covered in blood red rose petals. It couldn't have been more fitting.

I placed my night bag beside the bed and set my phone down on the night table.

"I'm so happy that you came" I heard Jake whisper from behind me.

"I wouldn't have missed this" I whispered back.

There was a few moments of silence before he spoke once again.

"Did you eat?" He asked, making his way over to me slowly.

"Uh…no. I didn't even think of eating, I'm actually starving" I laughed.

"Good, follow me" He said, taking hold of my hand.

Jake led me towards the sliding doors that I guessed led out onto some kind of balcony.

And what a balcony it was.

Again with the speechless. As I walked out, I spotted the most romantic scene I had ever encountered. There, in the middle of it was a small round table, again covered in rose petals. There was an ice bucket with a bottle of champagne and two china plates.

"Jake…" I whispered incoherently.

I felt his arms wrap around me from behind. He buried his face into my hair and inhaled a deep breath.

"You deserve the best, Bells"

Yes, he was sexy but he was also the most caring man I had ever met.

"I ordered the salmon, I remembered that it was your favourite" He told me, moving away from me to pull out my chair.

I sat down, silently thanking him with a small nod. He took his own seat before taking one of my hands in his.

"I don't want this to be awkward honey, I just want to enjoy your company" He soothed.

"This is amazing. Thank you for making this special for me" I beamed.

"Anything for you Bella" He smiled back.

I uncovered my plate and my mouth watered at the sight of the food in front of me. Salmon, garlic butter potatoes and winter vegetables. My favourite. Of course he had remembered.

"Please, eat. We can talk when we're done" He urged.

So I did. It was delicious, the best meal I had ever had. We sipped on champagne and finished our meal in silence. It wasn't awkward. To be honest, I just wanted to get the eating out of the way. I wanted to spend time with my Jake.

I placed my knife and fork neatly on my plate then sat back in my chair.

"That was delicious" I moaned.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it" He smiled.

Jake finished his plate and poured me another glass of champagne.

"Thank you for everything you've done tonight, Jake" I said, smiling at him.

We stared at each other, taking everything about each other in.

"Bells, you look absolutely stunning" He told me.

I couldn't help the blush that appeared on my cheeks. Every time I was around Jake, I just turned to goo.

How would I ever get through the night?

"I missed you so much" I whispered, shocking myself with my openness.

"Oh baby, I missed you too" He replied, standing up from his seat.

I watched as he walked over to me and knelt down by my side. His beautiful, deep chocolate eyes stared into mine.

"I know we said one night Bells and we'll stick to it. I just want you to know that I will never forget whatever we share together tonight. It will stay in my mind for the rest of my life" He told me and I could see by the look in his eyes, he was telling the truth.

"Me either" I replied just as truthfully.

We stared intently at each other for a few more moments before Jake broke his gaze.

"So, do you wanna go inside?" He asked nervously.

"Yeah, sure" I smiled, standing up from my chair.

"Uh…I'm just gonna use the bathroom real quick okay?" He told me.

I nodded as he closed the bathroom door behind him.

I decided to explore. I made my way back out onto the balcony and took in the wonderful view before me. We must have been on the top floor of the hotel. Holy shit, we were in the penthouse! It hadn't even occurred to me. I had been so wrapped up in my nervousness that I hadn't even spotted how large our room actually was. For the first time I saw that the balcony trailed around the corner of the building. I followed it round and spotted a large hot tub. It was already turned on. I could tell from the mass amounts of steam rising from the water.

It was then that I decided to be bold.

I peeped back around the corner to make sure that he wasn't right behind me. When I saw that he wasn't, I quickly peeled off my dress and kicked off my shoes. I had on my Victoria's secret black bra and panty set.

After taking another quick look around the corner, I hopped into the hot tub and lowered myself in slowly. Tucking my hair over one shoulder, I leant back and stretched my arms out either side of me.

I definitely hadn't felt this relaxed in a while. Thankfully it was a warm night in Seattle.

"Oh my god…"

I looked over to the corner of the building to see Jake stood there, mouth wide open. He wasn't so cocky now, was he?

"Bella…" He trailed off again.

I leant up onto my knees and made my way over to the other side of the hot tub. Leaning on the side nearest to him, I made sure he couldn't resist.

"Its really hot in here Jake" I said, licking my bottom lip lightly.

My eyes travelled down to his crotch. Immediately I saw the outline of his large erection. He was huge! Just the thought alone of having him inside of me made me shiver.

"Are you coming in, or am I going to have to make you?" I teased.

I saw the glint in his eyes before he smiled that smile at me. Oh yes, Jakes confidence had definitely returned. I watched as he peeled off his crisp white shirt, revealing those mouth watering abs. I couldn't help but imagine running my tongue over them.

"Like what you see, Bells?" He teased back.

I raised my eyebrows at him and motioned for him to remove his pants. And boy, did he ever?

He pushed them all the way down his legs and down to his feet. Damn if they weren't the best legs I'd ever seen. His thighs were thick and toned, but that wasn't what caught my attention. He had on a pair of tight, black Calvin Klein's. I swear I was actually drooling at this point.

The outline of his hardness was more than evident now as he made his way over to the hot tub. I leant back against the far side of it and motioned for him to get in.

As he did so, the water gushed over my chest soaking every inch of it. I felt my nipples harden from the caress of the water.

"I forgot how naughty you could be" He smirked.

He wanted naughty? He'd get it.

I might have been a virgin, but I knew exactly what men wanted. So I made my way over to him, perching myself atop one of his legs. His gaze travelled down to my chest as he placed a soft kiss on my shoulder.

"Cat got your tongue, Jake?" I asked, winking at him.

His eyebrows raised slightly as a smirk crept across his lips once again.

I placed my palm on his thigh and began to trace circles on his skin with my index finger. He moaned at my touch. I could feel the lust pooling between my legs. I was aching for him.

"Baby, if you don't stop teasing I wont be able to hold back" He growled.

I brought my eyes up to meet his and took his face in between my palms.

"I don't want you to hold back" I whispered.

He studied my expression for a moment before crashing his lips to mine. He was the most delicious treat. Our tongues battled for dominance as he caressed my lower back with his hand. The other one was grasped firmly around my neck.

I shuffled myself onto his lap, straddling his thighs. He groaned as my centre met his groin, brushing my sex with his. The only things separating us were two flimsy pieces of fabric. I needed to feel Jake, all of him.

He pulled his lips apart from mine and I whined quietly at the loss of his touch. He chuckled at this and placed a soft kiss on the tip of my nose.

"I want you Bella, but I want to do it properly" He said as he stood to get out of the hot tub.

I stood up myself before being swept up into his arms. I buried my face in his neck as he carried me bridal-style back inside the room. I couldn't stop myself from tasting his sweet skin, licking and sucking any part of it that I could reach.

He slowly lowered me onto the bed, his eyes wandering all over my body. Taking every inch of me in.

I leant up on my elbows, staring right back at him. I watched as the tiny droplets of water fell down his chest. Oh, what I wouldn't give to be one of those droplets right now.

Jake seemed mesmerized by me and I could feel the blush once again rising to my cheeks. There would only be one certain way to break his spell.

I sat up on the bed, bringing myself to my knees. I watched his face as I reached around behind me to unclasp my bra. His jaw clenched at the movement, so I assumed he wanted me to carry on.

I slowly pulled the straps down over my arms before simply letting it drop down on to the sheets.

Jakes eyes widened at the view of my breasts, but he still didn't move an inch. So I went further.

I laid back down onto the sheets and hooked my thumbs around the hem of my panties. Slowly, I slid them down my legs being careful not to give him a glimpse of what lay between my thighs. As they reached my foot, I tossed them to the floor.

It was only when I removed my hand from my centre and spread my legs open wide that he moved. If you could even call it a movement. I watched as his gaze travelled all over my naked form. His eyes were burning with lust and desperation.

"There are no words Bella…." He whispered, before climbing on top of me.

Jake grasped my head firmly between his hands before planting a slow, passionate kiss on my moist lips.

I let my hands travel freely down his back, gently scraping my fingernails down his spine. I felt him shudder slightly against my hands.

His lips travelled down to my neck, nipping and sucking. There was no feeling like this, his lips set my whole body on fire. My blood was boiling for him.

I watched him intently as he continued his attack on my body. He gently cupped one of my breasts, taking the puckered nipple between his teeth and biting it softly.

"Jake…." I moaned.

He began to swirl his tongue around my pink nub as he gently pinched the other between his fingers. He knew exactly how to pleasure me. The wetness between my thighs was increasing by the second. I was aching for some kind of release.

My prayers were answered as I felt his knuckles graze my sensitive skin.

"Please Jake…" I begged.

He traced his finger down the slit of my wet sex and began to put a little pressure on my throbbing clit. I gripped his arm as he slipped a finger into my hot centre.

"Oh god…" I moaned, arching my back up off the bed.

Jake slowly began to pump me with his finger, all the while still kissing and caressing my breasts. I reached down in between his legs and took hold of his manhood through his underwear. He growled against my chest, urging me to carry on.

I kneaded and gently pumped his cock with my hand, I couldn't wait to feel him inside of me.

"Bella…."

Jake inserted a second finger into me as he began to stretch me out. My whole body was contracting. I could feel the burning sensation in the pit of my stomach as he began to pump a little faster. His thumb circled my clit furiously as I grasped his sex even harder.

"Oh god Jake….I feel it" I cried.

"That's it baby…Come on, let it go" He urged.

My vision was growing hazy, I could hear my heart pumping in my ears. As Jake pushed another finger inside of me, I began to pant heavily getting warmer and warmer by the second.

My whole body started to tingle, the feeling was so intense that I thought my head was going to explode.

"Jake…Fuck….Jake!" I cried out.

One more wonderful movement from Jakes hands had me over the edge. Pleasure wrapped itself around my body and I felt the gushing between my legs. My entire body was trembling as I rode out the most intense sensation I had ever experienced.

"Fuck, baby" Jake groaned as he withdrew his fingers from within me.

I gripped my hair between my fingertips, still riding out my high.

"You have no idea how good it feels to know that I'm the only one to have touched you" Jake whispered into my ear.

"Mmmm…'ake" I mumbled incoherently.

I heard him chuckle lightly before reaching over the bed to grab something.

My body finally stopped trembling as he positioned himself in between my legs. He stilled, looking deep into my eyes once again.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked me.

"More than anything" I answered, without hesitation.

I watched as he slipped out of his underwear, finally revealing all that he had to offer. At that moment, I started to panic about the size of him. He clearly sensed my worry as he cupped my face in his hands.

"Baby, I wont do anything you don't want me to do" He whispered.

"No, its not that. Its just….your so big" I confessed.

"Bells, we were made to fit together" He replied, kissing me softly on the lips.

He pulled away from me and tore a condom out of its foil wrapper, sliding it down around his manhood. Positioning himself between my legs once again, he placed his elbows either side of my head, his gaze never leaving mine as I felt the pressure of his tip against my centre.

"This is gonna hurt baby, but I promise it will get better" He whispered.

With that, he slowly pushed himself into me.

Pain ripped through me at that single moment and I gripped his biceps tightly, clenching my jaw together.

"Are you okay baby?" He asked.

"Yes…Just go slow" I begged.

Jake slowly began to thrust in and out of me, the pain slowly easing.

It took a couple more slow, tender thrusts before pleasure overtook the pain. I arched myself into him as he went deeper and deeper with every stroke.

"Shit baby, your so tight" He groaned.

"Yes Jake, a little faster" I begged.

He happily obliged my request as he picked up the pace of his thrusts. The feeling of Jake filling me was the most beautiful sensation. This wasn't sex, this wasn't fucking. This was love.

Pure. Real. Heartbreaking.

"Oh god baby, you feel amazing" He whispered against the flesh of my neck.

I lifted my legs to wrap them around his waist, allowing him to delve deeper than before. I sensed that familiar burning feeling in the pit of my stomach as he thrusted a little harder inside of me.

"Jake, I cant…much longer" I cried out.

"I know Bells…So close" He groaned.

It only took a couple more thrusts before I was falling over the edge, straight into a black hole. This orgasm more intense than the last. I could feel Jake pulsing inside of me as he threw his head back in ecstasy.

"Oh, I love you" I sobbed, letting pleasure wash over me once again.

"I love you too baby"

Jake rolled me over onto his chest as we tangled ourselves around each other. Our bodies sticking together from the moisture we had created.

What I had imagined with Jake, hadn't even come close.

And I had been right all along, I wasn't ready to let it go.

**Please review and let me know what you all thought.**

**Thanks for reading! x**


	10. Nobody Taught Us To Quit

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except Megan Black.**

_It only took a couple more thrusts before I was falling over the edge, straight into a black hole. This orgasm more intense than the last. I could feel Jake pulsing inside of me as he threw his head back in ecstasy. _

"_Oh, I love you" I sobbed, letting pleasure wash over me once again. _

"_I love you too"._

_Jake rolled me over onto his chest as we tangled ourselves around each other. Our bodies sticking together from the moisture we had created. _

_What I had imagined with Jake, hadn't even come close._

_And I had been right all along, I wasn't ready to let it go._

It hadn't taken long before Jake fell asleep in my arms. However, I wasn't as relaxed as he seemed to be. The only thing running through my mind was how amazing my night had been with him.

How was I supposed to walk away from this now? There so much he still didn't know. I knew that telling him about Billy was necessary, I just didn't know when.

Realising that there was no chance of me getting to sleep, I untangled myself from Jake and rolled silently out of the bed. I needed time to think and I didn't want to wake Jake in the process.

Fresh air, that's what I needed. I tiptoed out onto the balcony, the cool city air hitting me like a tonne of bricks. Jogging lightly towards the hot tub, I snatched up Jakes dress shirt and slipped in on over my naked shoulders. The scent of him still lingered on the collar.

"What have I done?" I sobbed silently to myself.

In hindsight, walking away from him after what we just shared would be impossible. I should never have been so selfish. Of course I didn't regret a single second of it. Giving myself to Jake had been the most sensual, passionate thing I had ever experienced. It was perfect.

Now, the thought of leaving him lingered on my brain like a cancer. I couldn't just leave here without telling him all of the facts. Sure, he'd be furious with Billy but what else could I do? If he found out from somebody else in the future, how would I explain myself?

The only sound filling the air was the echoing of sirens and the light breeze. I sat there for god knows how long, thinking and crying. Tears had been falling from my eyes uncontrollably. All I could think of was my dishonesty and slowly it was tearing me apart.

"Baby? Are you out here?" I heard Jake call.

I frantically wiped my eyes with the collar of his shirt, praying that he wouldn't notice.

"Yes" I called back.

Jake wandered around the corner of the building in nothing but his underwear and even in my sorrow, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He noticed my puffy eyes immediately and rushed to my side.

"Bells, what's the matter?" He asked desperately.

I couldn't hold it back any longer. I collapsed into his arms, clinging to him desperately as I sobbed. Tears flowed freely down my cheeks as I thought about everything I needed to tell him. He was my sun and I was about to eclipse him.

"Ssh honey, just tell me what's wrong" He begged.

"I…cant" I stammered, trying to regain control of myself.

Jake pulled me onto his lap and began to rock me back and forth slowly. This was _my _Jacob.

The Jacob that had come out tonight was the man I fell in love with.

Sweet. Caring. Kind. Sexy. Heart-stoppingly beautiful.

"Baby, you can tell me anything" He cooed into my ear softly.

He was right. I could tell him anything. This was the only secret I had ever kept from him and it had been eating away at me for three years. He had to know, even if it turned our whole world upside down.

Here goes everything….

"Jake…I…I lied to you" I whimpered.

I immediately felt his whole body tighten.

"About what?" He whispered, his teeth clenched shut.

"Why I left…"

Jake slowly lifted me off of him and walked over towards the wall. I could see the muscles in his back trembling.

"I knew it, I knew you lied to me" He muttered to himself.

"I'm sorry…." I whispered, hoping he'd hear me.

He turned around to face me. He had his fists clenched at his sides, his jaw was twitching. I could tell he was desperately trying to hold in his anger, but I highly doubted he'd expect what I was about to confess.

"Tell me" He ordered.

All I could do was nod as I wrapped his shirt around me protectively.

"I didn't want to leave you Jake. I….I was forced away from you" I stammered, staring down at my feet.

"Who the hell by?" He seethed.

Damn, this was going to tear him apart. How would I be able to live with myself knowing that I was about to rip his relationship with his father to pieces?

But I was done hiding it. I need to let it out.

"Billy…" I whispered, tears stinging my eyes.

I heard him take a sharp breath, and then nothing.

"Jake?"

He was staring straight through me. The emotion in his face was evident. He looked murderous.

"Are you serious?" He asked through gritted teeth.

I simply nodded, wiping a few stray tears away from my cheeks.

"What did he say to you Bella?" He asked desperately.

I started to sob a little, unable to speak.

The next thing I felt was Jakes hands gripping my thighs.

"Bella, what did he say to you?" He asked again.

"That…That he wanted you to find a Quileute girl and settle down" I whispered through sobs.

"That I wasn't strong enough to stand by you"

I couldn't hold back my sadness any longer. I began to crumble as my mind wandered back to that day. How had I let him do this to us? I would have been Jake's wife by now. We could have had it all.

"That bastard…." He trailed off, pacing the ground in front of me.

"I knew there was something going on, he kept telling me that you didn't care enough to stay. I started to believe him Bella, that's why I had to move on"

Hearing his words, I scrambled to my feet and raced over to him.

"No Jake. I never stopped caring for you, there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think of you. It wasn't over for me then and it still isn't over for me now"

I was begging, pleading for him to believe me but he couldn't even look me in the eye.

"Jake, please"

Still he wouldn't look at me.

I fell to my knees in front of him and cried. I couldn't have him believing I didn't care. Hell, there was nothing else in this world I did care about.

"Ja….Jake. Please, I feel like I cant even breathe" I begged.

"I cried for months, every night before bed I fell apart. Life without you was worthless, there was no reason to get up in the morning. I busied myself with work and tried to push you to the back of my mind but I just couldn't. You should see my apartment Jake, pictures of you and I everywhere. I used to kiss each on every single day. Please Jake, I cant live without you" I cried.

With my desperate confession, he swept me up into his arms kissing every inch of my face.

"I'm so sorry" He whispered over and over again.

I clung to him for dear life. I could never let go, physically or emotionally.

"I should have waited Bells. I should have come for you, I'm so sorry"

If only he had. I didn't want to hear him apologise, I wanted him to show me how much he loved me.

"Jake, no words. Just please make me forget that your not mine" I begged, gripping his face with my hands.

I didn't need to say anything else. Jake lifted me to his lips and kissed me ferociously. I hopped onto him and wrapped my bare legs around his waist, grinding myself down onto his erection.

"Oh god Bells…I love you" He whispered against my mouth.

I couldn't even find the words to reply, I just found myself nodding as I continued to kiss his beautiful lips. My hands worked their way down his chest, caressing every inch of his golden skin.

"Please Jake….Just take me" I begged.

Apparently that's all it took for him to lose his shit. He cupped my ass and pushed me back up against the brick wall. His lips trailed down my neck, biting roughly while one of his hands came up to squeeze my breast.

I reached down beneath me to shove his boxer shorts down past his glorious ass, dragging my fingernails across it firmly.

"Fuck me Jake" I whispered to him.

He didn't hesitate as he ripped my panties from my body, leaving them in tatters on the ground. Jake pushed both of my hands up above my head before lowering me down onto his cock.

The feeling of him filling me was enough to bring me to climax as it was. I could never get tired of it.

"So tight…." He grunted, thrusting himself inside of me further.

"Harder….Please" I pleaded.

Jake happily obliged as he slammed himself into of me, hitting me at my sweetest spot. I was biting down on my lip so hard I thought I was going to draw blood.

"Fuck baby…You like that?" He asked, his voice husky and full of lust.

There were no words, all I could do was show him. I crashed my lips down to his, taking his bottom lip inbetween my teeth and tugging at it roughly. My actions erupted something inside of him as he began to pound into me even harder.

I felt my whole body tingling.

Shaking.

Throbbing.

We kept our lips locked, both of us panting like rabid wolves as he slid me up and down onto his hardness.

"Jake…I'm gonna come baby" I cried.

This only caused him to go faster. I could feel the blood rushing to my head as the pleasure washed over me like a thousand tiny electric sparks. I felt my muscles tighten around him as my juices gushed all around him.

"Fuck Bella….So wet…I'm coming" He panted.

Jake pummelled into me twice more, releasing everything he had into me.

He slowed down, but kept going.

"Open your eyes" He begged.

I did as I was asked and looked straight back into his. We were both visibly trembling, covered in sweat and locked together. He released my hands and I wrapped both arms around his neck, burying my face into his skin.

"Amazing Bella….Fucking amazing" He whispered, peppering my neck with kisses.

With my legs still wrapped around him, he carried us back inside the hotel room and into the bathroom.

"I don't know how and I don't know when, but we _will _be together Bells. I promise" He told me, looking me dead in the eye.

My heart soared. I couldn't control the smile that crept upon my lips.

"Really?" I asked hopefully.

"I wont break another promise to you Bella. You're the one, you always have been"

Jake set me down onto my feet as he turned on the shower, placing his hand underneath the stream to check the temperature.

Turning to me, he slipped his shirt off from my shoulders and ushered me into the shower closely following behind me.

The hot water gushed over my body, warming me instantly. I looked over at Jacob to find that he was a sight for sore eyes. His hair, now flat from the water fell down onto his forehead. Every inch of his body was soaked and I couldn't help but stare.

I hadn't noticed but he was staring just as intently at me.

"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are, Bella?" He asked me.

I blushed a little before shaking my head.

"Your absolutely breathtaking" He whispered before placing the softest kiss onto my moist lips.

We made love in the shower three times before finally admitting defeat. I was exhausted and so was Jake, but I was torn because I didn't want this night to end.

Where did we go from here? Would we still see each other behind Megan's back?

I should have felt terrible for what we had done, but I couldn't find it in me to feel any remorse. This was how it was meant to be.

Just Jake and Bells.

We crawled into bed together, holding each other tightly. Like we never wanted to let go.

"I love you Bella" He whispered to me, sleep claiming him.

"I love you too, so much"

The ringing of my cell phone startled me. I shot up from the bed, snatching it from the nightstand.

Leah's name was flashing up at me from the screen.

Of course, it was her birthday. How could I have forgotten?

"Happy Birthday, Le Le"

"_Thanks Bella, where were you last night?" _

"Uh, out of town for the night? Why?" I asked her cautiously, surely she couldn't know.

"_No reason sweetie. Rose and I had a blast in PA!" _

"Ah, I see you met her then. I knew you two would get on like a house on fire" I laughed.

"_Definitely. I can see the three of us causing a lot of mischief tonight!" _

"What did you have planned?"

"_Seattle. Dancing, drinking and a lot of flirting" _

"Oh Leah, how did I ever manage without you?"

"_I often wonder the same Bella. Anyway, I'll meet you and Rose at your place at 8. Don't be late! I have a lot planned" _

"I'll see you then birthday girl!" I giggled, hanging up.

I placed my phone back onto the nightstand, laying back down into Jakes waiting arms.

"Good morning" He mumbled, his eyes still closed.

I rolled over to face him, our faces centemetres apart.

"Good morning to you too" I beamed.

He looked adorable first thing in the morning. His eyes were still puffy and his hair was dishevelled.

Fucking perfect, that's what he was.

"I love waking up to you" He whispered, his eyelids flickering open.

"Its not so bad waking up to you either" I teased.

Jake sat up, stretching his arms above his head. I would never tire of ogling his amazing body. I had come across hundreds of men with fantastic bodies, but not one of them even came close to Jake.

"I'm starving. Wanna order breakfast?" He asked me, sliding his boxer shorts on over his legs.

"Sounds good" I replied, hopping up out of bed.

I grabbed my night bag and made my way to the bathroom.

I washed my face, brushed my teeth and fixed my hair. I threw it up into a messy bun.

I slid on a pair of tight, stonewashed jeans and a loose fitted black tank top. Before leaving the bathroom I added a little blush to my cheeks and a few lashes of mascara.

"Breakfast will be up in a few, Bells" He told me, taking hold of my hand.

Jake led me out onto the balcony, the sun blazing down on both of us. He had dressed himself in a pair of loose fitted jeans and a tight white shirt, accentuating every muscle on his torso. Was it possible to lust after one person this much?

As we looked out over the city, he stood behind me with his arms firmly holding me against him. In a short while I would be leaving him.

"Jake, where do we go from here?" I asked nervously.

"I'll be honest with you honey. Leaving Megan will be hard, not on me but on my family. They pushed me to be with her so much after you left, they kept telling me how good she was for me. I refused to date her for such a long time before finally agreeing to it. Even then I wasn't into it, but I guess I just went with it in the end…" He sighed, trailing off.

"Its okay Jake" I whispered, urging him to finish.

"There are some things I need to sort out before I can even attempt to leave her. I understand if you cant see me again until then, but I don't know when it will be baby. All I know is that I love you, more than anything" He assured me, placing a kiss on the nape of my neck.

A mixture of emotions ran through me at that moment. I was unbelievably happy that he wanted us to be together after all this time. I was disappointed that he couldn't leave her yet. I was angry that his family loved her after what Billy did. Of course Jakes sisters, Rachel and Rebecca, didn't know anything about that.

I had always been real close with the both of them. Of course the only reason I started going over to Jakes was to spend time with him, but once I met his sisters we were inseperable.

Now I dreaded to think what they thought of me. They probably hated me, just like everyone else who didn't know the truth. I needed to know what Jake was going to do with the confession I had made to him.

"Jake, are you going to confront your father?" I asked timidly.

He took a deep breath before answering.

"Not yet. It wont help to do that now, but when its time you'll be the first to know" He replied, squeezing me tightly.

"You know I have to leave don't you? I have to go back to LA when I get back from Hawaii" I reminded him.

I felt him sigh against my neck.

"I don't know how I'm gonna cope, Bells. Seeing you, being with you and then losing you again. Its gonna be hard. I know it'll be a while before we can be together, but promise you'll wait for me? I want you to promise me that you will never let go?" He begged.

I turned myself around to face him, his eyes shimmering with tears.

"I promise" I whispered.

Leaning in towards him, I placed the sweetest kiss onto his lips before wrapping my arms around his neck.

"I don't think I can wait all of that time before seeing you again" I whispered against his beautifully soft skin.

"Whenever you need me, just call and ill try the best I can to be there"

I lost myself in him as I savoured our last hour together.

Leaving would be awful.

Seeing him with _her_ would be hell.

**How did I do? **

**I hope your all still enjoying this story.**

**Please review and let me know **

**Thank you for reading x**


	11. Music To Watch Boys To

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Just Megan Black.**

**Enjoy! **

"_I don't know how I'm gonna cope, Bells. Seeing you, being with you and then losing you again. Its gonna be hard. I know it'll be a while before we can be together, but promise you'll wait for me? I want you to promise me that you will never let go?" He begged._

_I turned myself around to face him, his eyes shimmering with tears. _

"_I promise" I whispered._

_Leaning in towards him, I placed the sweetest kiss onto his lips before wrapping my arms around his neck._

"_I don't think I can wait all of that time before seeing you again" I whispered against his beautifully soft skin. _

"_Whenever you need me baby, just call and ill try the best I can to be there" _

_I lost myself in him as I savoured our last hour together._

_Leaving would be awful._

_Seeing him with her would be hell_

Walking around Seattle, I felt nothing but loneliness.

All these people bustling around, getting on with their perfect lives. I saw confident women strutting down the street, gabbling on their cell phones. Couples kissing, pouring out their love for one another.

I had left my heart in that hotel room not five minutes ago and the emptiness in my chest was enormous.

I had to clear my mind of it, for the day at least. It was Leah's birthday and I had to make it up to her for not being here the past few years. I needed to buy her a gift and I knew just where I was headed.

Tiffany & Co.

I pushed open the glossy glass door and made my over to the sales person behind the counter.

"Hello Miss, how can I be of assistance today?" She asked, smiling at me.

"Its my friends birthday today and I need something special" I replied, eyeing the expensive jewellery.

"Ah, well what was it you were looking for? A necklace? Some earrings maybe?"

I thought about it for a moment. Leah wasn't one for earrings, in fact I didn't even think she'd pierced them.

"Um, a celebration ring maybe? Would you mind showing me a few?" I asked her pleasantly.

"Of course Madam, I'll be right back"

I tapped my fingernails against the glass as I waited for her. I looked down at the beautiful engagement rings knowing that it would be a long time before I had one of those on my finger. Maybe it wouldn't happen at all. Maybe I just wasn't marriage material.

"Here we are" She sighed as she slid the tray across the counter to me.

One of them caught my eye immediately and it was _so _Leah.

"This one, definitely this one" I squealed, pointing to it.

"Ah yes, this one is especially stunning. Its eighteen carat white gold and encrusted with amethysts. The perfect birthday gift" She explained, clearly desperate for the sale.

"I'll take it, thank you" I smiled.

I purchased the ring, plus three beautiful friendship bracelets. One for Rose, Leah and I. Leah had only just met Rose, but I just knew they'd be friends for life. They were too similar not to be.

Walking to the car, I promised myself that I would give her the birthday she deserved.

I stepped into my rental car and made my way back to Forks. I knew there'd be an onslaught on questions from Rose.

Questions I didn't know if I should answer. Could I tell her that we'd be together? That we would continue to see each other? She was my best friend, but this was something I wanted to keep to myself. I needed to keep Jake deep inside my heart. I didn't want to tarnish what we had with anybody else opinions.

Childish? Probably.

Pulling up into the driveway I took a deep breath and proceeded to get out of the car. Grabbing my overnight bag from the trunk, I made my way inside.

"Bella? Is that you?" Rose shrieked from upstairs.

"Yes" I groaned, making my way to the kitchen to make some coffee.

It sounded as though a herd of baby elephants were stampeding down the stairs as she made her way down to me. Rose bounded around the corner, straight over to me. She pulled me into a bone crushing hug before shoving me down into one of the chairs.

"I'll make coffee, you talk" She ordered.

I rolled my eyes before waiting for the questions.

"How was it?" She asked, pouring the water into the mugs.

"Without going into too much detail, amazing" I blushed.

"Oh Bella, how was he with you?"

"He was perfect. It was just like it used to be, obviously with the sex now. Rosie, it was phenomenal. You always here those horror stories about peoples first times but it wasn't like that. It was beautiful, passionate and my god I didn't even know it was possible to feel that way" I giggled.

She placed the mugs onto the table and sat down opposite me.

"I'm so pleased to here that you enjoyed your time with him" She smiled, but I knew there was something else she wanted to say.

We sat in silence sipping our coffee until she started to speak once again.

"How do you feel now, Bella?" Rose asked me in a whisper.

"I…I feel okay" I whispered back.

"I know its hard sweetie but you've got me to help you through it. Leah too, who by the way is a great girl" She laughed.

Glad of the change of topic, I laughed along with her.

"She told me that we were to meet at her place, eight o clock" I informed her.

"Yeah I know, we'll need to start getting ready soon" She joked.

Tonight would be a night Leah would never forget, I was sure of it. All these years I hadn't been here for her, I would make it up to her. Starting now.

"Rosie, go put your swimsuit on. We're going to kidnap Leah!" I squealed excitedly.

She smiled widely before making her way up the staircase after me.

I stripped myself of my clothes and threw on my white bikini. I grabbed three towels from the bathroom, shoving them into a beach bag along with everything else I needed.

I pulled on a pair of denim booty shorts and a tank top. After slipping on my sneakers I ran back down the staircase.

"I'll meet you in the car Rose!" I called to her, running out the front door.

I hopped back into my car and turned the engine on.

Moments later, Rosie excitedly threw herself into the passenger seat.

"Ready bitch?" I squealed.

"Hell yeah, move it missy!"

The drive over to Leah's was filled with singing and joking. It was a nice distraction from what was going on inside my head.

We pulled up outside Leah's house, hopped out of the car and ran up to her front door.

"Leeeeaaahhh!" We squealed, banging on the hard wood door with out palms.

The door flew open moments later. Behind it was a very grumpy looking Leah.

"Guys, could you be any louder?" Leah whined.

"Oh shush, get your bikini on and get out here!" I ordered, turning her around and pushing her back inside.

Rose and I hopped back into the car and waited for her to be done.

The journey to the beach was fun to say the least.

Rose, Leah and I screeching to Katy Perry's 'Teenage Dream' as loud as our lungs would let us.

I was having so much fun that the sadness weighing down my heart was numbing a little.

As we pulled up to the beach, we all took a deep breath before laughing our asses off.

"Oh lord! I love you two!" Leah howled.

After a few more moments of outrageous laughter, we dragged our butts out of my rental car and made our way out to the beach.

"Oh god…" Leah mumbled.

"What?" Rose asked.

All Leah did was point into the distance.

I looked ahead to see three beautiful men. All of which I recognised instantly.

"BELLA!" I heard a voice shout.

"Oh my god, PAUL!" I shouted back, running as fast as my legs could carry me.

Paul and I had been good friends since high school, but we had lost touch after I left for LA.

He hadn't changed much. His black hair was still cropped short and he still had those gorgeous brown eyes. As for his body, well that had always been fantastic.

As I reached him, he rushed me into his arms and squished me to his chest.

"Its so good to see you" He whispered into my hair.

Now would be the time to admit to you that yes, Paul and I do have a little bit of history. Nothing more than a couple of dates and a kiss, but we had remained friends none the less.

"You too Paul" I muttered back.

He squeezed me tightly once more before releasing me and taking a good look at my form.

"Well Bella Swan, you certainly grew up" Paul smirked.

I slapped him playfully on the shoulder before turning to scope out Leah and Rose. I noticed that Leah was now hiding herself behind Rose, which was quite unusual for such an outspoken and outgoing girl like her.

"Rose! Leah!" I called, beckoning them over before turning back to face Paul.

"So, who have you got here then?" I asked him, pointing to his friends.

"Ah, Quil and Jared. I heard you met Jared a couple of nights back, apparently he and Rose got on quite well" He said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Ugh, your such a dog!" I scoffed.

He just laughed and pulled me over to his friends.

"Hey Bella" Quil and Jared greeted, almost in unison.

"Hi guys"

I looked behind me once more to see Leah and Rose a couple of metres away, whispering to themselves and looking over at Paul.

"Ill be right back guys" I told them, making my way over to the gossipers.

"Okay ladies, what's going on?" I asked them, with my hands on my hips.

"Nothing" Leah quickly replied.

"Do you think I'm stupid or something? I know something's going on so you might as well tell me now, or ill get it out of you tonight when your drunk" I threatened.

Leah huffed before speaking.

"Paul…" She mumbled.

"What about him" I asked her, clearly confused.

It only took one more look from Leah for my brain to click into action.

"Ohhh…I get you now. So how long has it been going on?" I giggled, nudging her softly.

"Nothings happened, but he just keeps looking at me" She muttered.

Rose and I giggled a little before composing ourselves.

"Do you like him?" Rose asked her.

"Maybe…" Leah whispered, shuffling on her feet.

Rose and I shot a mischievous glance to each other before taking hold of Leah's arms, intertwining ours with them.

"So, who's coming with us tonight?" I asked Leah.

"Well, there's Embry, Quil, Jared and obviously Paul" She paused.

"I didn't know whether to invite Jacob or not Bella, I didn't want to put you in an awkward position"

Every fibre of my being was telling me to confess all to her. Tell her that I'd spent the night with Jake, tell her that he'd promised we'd be together.

"Its fine Leah….Honestly" I assured her, giving her hand a soft squeeze.

We quickly composed ourselves and made our way over to the boys.

"Hello ladies" Jared greeted us.

"Hi boo" Rosie cooed, pulling him into a hug.

This was a revelation for Rose. Usually after she'd slept with a guy, she wouldn't even give him the time of day. Don't get me wrong, she wasn't any kind of harlot by any means. Her last serious boyfriend was a total monster. Emmett McCarty II. A wealthy business man. He had inherited everything from his father when he passed away.

At first, it seemed he was the perfect gentleman. He would take Rose out for romantic meals, weekends away. He would send her flowers most days, buy her expensive jewellery. All in all, he seemed like a great guy.

That was until I got the phone call…

_*Flashback* _

"_Hey Rose" I spoke, answering her call._

_She didn't speak back. All I could hear was the faint sounds of sobbing in the background._

"_Rose?" I called, a little concerned. _

_Still nothing, but I wouldn't hang up on her just yet. As I listened a little more, I heard a rustling against the phone. _

"_Rosie?" A sickly sweet voice cooed. _

"_Leave me alone, please" I heard her beg._

"_No Rose, I wont let you flaunt your sexy ass around me and not give it up!" He shouted._

_Oh my god…._

"_Emmett….Emmett! No!" All I heard was her blood curdling scream before the phone went dead. _

_I had no idea what to do, who to call. I was stuck. I knew that she was staying with Emmett at his beach house this weekend but I had no clue where it was. _

_I desperately wanted to call the cops, but where would I send them? _

_At that moment I jumped up from the bed, grabbed my suitcase and high tailed it out of the hotel room. I had to find my Rosie. I knew that I wouldn't get there in enough time to prevent what he was planning on doing, but at least I could be there to help her get through it afterwards. _

_*End flashback*_

"Bella?" Rose called, shaking my shoulder lightly.

My head snapped up in her direction.

"Honey, why are you crying?" She asked me, wiping away a stray tear.

I hadn't even noticed the tears falling from my eyes. Every time I thought of that night I ended up blaming myself. I knew there was nothing I could do when she was in LA and I was in New York, but if I'd only turned that job down.

"Bella" I heard Leah whisper, wrapping her arm around my shoulder.

"I'm fine, honestly" I said, wiping the tears away and forcing a smile.

"Oh Belly, what are we gonna do with you?" Paul asked, shooting me a sympathetic glance.

It was then that I saw Paul and the rest of the guys eyeing each other mischievously.

"Ready boys?" Paul asked them, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"_Oh _yes" Jared replied, waggling his brows.

Before I knew it I was being thrown over Embry's shoulder and being thrashed around as he ran towards the water.

"No! I've still got my clothes on jackass!" I bellowed.

I managed to lift my head up high enough to see Rose behind pulled by Jared and Leah by Paul. Rose was squealing like a small child while Leah was screaming obscenities to Paul. I could see Quil crumbling with laughter beside Leah and Paul.

"EMBRY CALL! PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW!" I screeched.

"No can do, honey" He chuckled.

The next thing I knew, I was being thrown into the ice cold water. Head first I might add.

Oh, Embry was going down….

I jumped up to my feet, pulling my tank top over my head.

"Its too late for that now, Bella" Embry laughed.

I scowled at him and stalked towards him slowly.

"Paul! Fucking put me down right now!" Leah shouted.

Obviously Paul wasn't paying any attention to her demands as he threw her in to the water, only she was cunning and kept hold of his arm, pulling him in after her.

"Dude! You got owned!" Quil laughed.

As Embry was distracted by Paul and Leah, I stalked around him and shoved him face first into the water.

He clearly wasn't expecting it as he leaped out immediately, wiping the droplets from his face.

"Now who's laughing?" I teasing, giggling inwardly.

"Jared! No!" I heard Rosalie squeal.

My head snapped around to face them as he launched Rose into the water. She landed right by my side and boy did she look pissed. I watched as she drug herself to her feet, wiping her hair out of her face.

"Jared….I swear to god you'd better run" She seethed, gritting her teeth.

The poor guy actually looked scared. I laughed at that.

"Bella, you ready" Rose asked me raising her brows, mimicking the actions of Paul not moments before.

"_Oh _yes" I replied.

I threw myself onto Embry causing him to collapse beneath me, falling back into the water. I held his head down playfully as I tried to fight of Quil from behind me.

"Bella, its two against one. You've already lost" Quil laughed, pulling me from Embry and launching me quite a way into the water.

Rosalie was in a lip locking contest with Jared, so I had lost my wing girl.

"Leah!" I squealed.

"Leah's a little busy Bella" Embry laughed.

I looked over at where she and Paul were previously stood and decided to look away immediately. I had sensed the sexual tension as soon as we had arrived, I guess Leah just gave into it.

"So…Do you surrender?" Quil asked as he and Embry stalked towards me like I was their pray.

"Never" I hollered playfully, running towards them.

Embry caught me in his arms and began to duck me underneath the water.

I leaped back up and jumped straight onto Quils back, pulling him down by his hair and pushing beneath me.

I saw my chance to escape and leapt back towards the beach. Bits of my hair were stuck to my face and my shorts were soaked through, along with the rest of me. Looking back on it now, a white bikini probably hadn't been the best idea.

I looked behind me once more to see Rose and Jared still going at it. Quil and Embry fighting each other like children. Leah and Paul however, were nowhere to be seen.

"Typical Paul" I giggled.

As I lifted my head up, I spotted a flash of bronze running down the beach towards me.

Just as it always did when I saw him, my heart stopped.

I looked around to see if anyone had noticed him. Nope, they hadn't even so much as looked.

My eyes met his as we took each other in.

He was dripping with sweat, his bare chest shimmering in the sunlight. He had on pair of basketball shorts, slung low on his hips showing off that glorious v.

My hardened peaks were clearly visible through the flimsy material of my bikini.

I looked up at his face once more, taking my bottom lip between my teeth. The lust pooling in his eyes was evident.

"Follow me" I mouthed at him

With that, I took of running towards the woods with Jake hot on my trail.

**So what did you think?**

**Let me know and leave me a review x**


	12. Just Watch The Fireworks

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. I only own Megan Black.**

I ran as fast as my legs would carry me.

My heart was beating out of my chest.

I could feel the wetness pooling between my thighs.

I looked back but I couldn't see him. Where was he? Did he not follow?

I came to a slow stop as I leant back against a tree trunk to catch my breath.

I heard nothing. No footsteps. Nothing except for my own breathing.

Clearly I was an idiot for expecting him to just drop everything he might have had planned to come and romp with me up against a tree. Stupid Bella strikes again.

As I came to the realization that he wasn't following me, I turned around and went to make my way back towards the beach.

Just as I went to take my first step, I felt hot breath on the nape of my neck.

"Didn't anybody tell you its dangerous to wander into the woods on you're own, little girl?"

I sucked my bottom lip in between my teeth and smiled. I would play along.

"Didn't you know that the woods is where a little girl finds her big,_ bad_ wolf?" I whispered back to him in a seductive tone.

As I turned around to face him, I could have died and gone to heaven right there. I stared into his deep, chocolate brown eyes and saw nothing but lust. I could see the sweat dripping from his brow. I could see just how tense his muscles were. I could smell nothing but him. He was delicious.

"Oh, so I suppose that makes you my little Miss Red?" He asked, smirking at me as he cocked his eyebrow.

"Well, I don't know about that. Do you like what you see?" I teased, unbuttoning my shorts.

His eyes traveled down to see what my hands were up to. His eyes widened as I let them drop to the leafy floor beneath me.

"Oh Bella, Bella, Bella..." he muttered as he licked his bottom lip.

I wanted to touch him. _Needed_ to touch him.

I placed my palm flat against his chest and took a step forward. I couldn't wait any longer. I needed him to touch me. I wrapped my other arm around his neck and brought my face to his ear.

"So, the question is are you going to _eat _me?" I breathed, snaking my tongue out to lick the shell of his ear.

He tasted so good. Salty. Earthy. Perfect.

All of a sudden, Jake took hold of my hands, spun me around and pushed me forcefully up against the tree trunk. I could feel his warm hands running they're way up the inside of my thighs.

My bikini bottoms were soaked through, and not from the water.

My knees buckled a little as his knuckles brushed up against my hot center.

"So, you wanted to play?" He whispered against my neck.

I couldn't talk. All that came out of my mouth was a strangled moan. He chuckled at that.

"What do you want Bella?" He asked, pulling the material of my bikini bottoms to the side.

"I...I want" His fingers rubbed up against my sensitive nub and I just couldn't respond.

"Fuck baby. You're so _fucking_ wet" He growled.

I felt his teeth scraping across the muscle that connected my neck to my shoulder. It was heavenly torture. I dug my fingernails into the bark and arched my back into him.

I could feel his hardness pressing up against my backside. I'd never craved him as much as I did right then.

"Jake..." I mumbled incoherently.

He relaxed his hold on my wrists and yanked the material of my bikini top away from my breasts. They were pressed up against the roughness of the tree trunk as he rolled one of my nipples around in his fingertips.

"What. Do. You. Want?" He asked me through gritted teeth as he plunged two of his fingers into my wet sex.

"FUCK" I yelled, crumbling beneath him.

He held me against him with his free hand as I reached in between my legs to grasp hold of his cock through the material of his basketball shorts.

It was all I could do to stay upright. I could feel my knees buckling beneath me as he thrusted his fingers in and out of me.

"Please..." I begged, as my knees gave way and I fell to the ground.

Before I knew it, Jake had crawled on top of me and wrapped his arms around the back of my neck. He tugged at my hair gently as I looked up into his eyes.

"I want to be gentle with you baby, but I don't think I can. I want you so badly right now, but I don't want to hurt you" Jake confessed, planting kisses along my jawline.

"No, don't be gentle. I need this. Fuck me" I begged.

"I was so praying you'd say that" He growled as he plunged his length inside of me.

My back arched up to meet him immediately. I felt him stretching me beyond anything I thought possible. I clawed at his back with my fingernails as he thrusted in and out of me.

I brought my mouth up to meet his chest as I rolled my hips in time with his. I could feel the familiar slow burn in my stomach as sped up his motions.

"Harder" I whispered as I bit down on his chest.

Jake took a hold of my waist and rolled me over onto my hands and knees. Without wasting any time, he thrusted himself straight back into me, stretching me even further.

"Fuck, fuck, fuckkkkk" I moaned as he pounded his hips against my backside.

I felt beads of sweat dripping down my spine. My brain was racing. I needed release.

"I need to come. Please, let me..."

I couldn't finish my sentence. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me up to him. The hot flesh of my back was flush against his chest. He brought his hand up to my chest, toying with my nipples while his other hand grasped the hair at the nape of my neck.

He tweaked my nipple one more time before lowering his fingers to my core, gently rubbing circles.

"I can feel you're muscles clamping down on me baby. Come for me" Jake whispered, biting down on my earlobe.

I gripped his forearms with my fingertips, gritting my teeth. I felt it coming. Any second now.

"I'm...I...Oh GOD" I bellowed.

Jake gripped my jaw between his thumb and his index finger, pulling my face to meet his.

"I want to see you're eyes when you come" He growled, staring straight into my soul.

With one final, frantic thrust I came undone. My heart set itself on fire.

"Oh shit. Oh god. Jake, I'm coming" I sobbed.

I could feel his hot breath on my face as he crushed his lips down to mine. I heard a muffled growl escape his lips as he spilled his seed inside of me.

He gave a few more gentle thrusts before pulling me down to ground with him, laying my naked body on top of his.

"I love you Bella. God, I love you so much" He confessed, peppering my forehead with light kisses.

"And I love you" I whispered back to him, exhausted from our little tryst.

We lay there for a few minutes, in total silence.

"As much as I hate this, I have to go" He told me, sounding disgruntled.

Of course he did.

"Oh, yeah sure" I muttered, pulling myself from his grasp.

I fumbled around, trying to find my disgarded clothing.

Remembering his _wife _made me feel dirty. I knew that Jake loved me, I'd have to be blind not to see that but I just couldn't help it.

I was a mistress. Jakes or not, it didnt matter.

"Bells?" He said, sounding unsure.

"I'm fine. You should go if you have places to be, right?" I replied, sounding a little bitter.

"Bella, please" He begged.

I sighed heavily. I knew I wasnt being fair. I agreed to this. I wanted this.

"Look, its fine. I'm fine. Go" I turned to him, forcing a smile.

Jake sighed and hung his head in defeat.

"Alright, I do love you though. I just want to make sure that you know that" He replied.

I just nodded as I pulled my shorts back on.

As I looped the button through the hole, I looked back up to see that he was gone.

"Belllaaaa"

Shit.

"Hang on, Im just...Just hang on" I shouted, frantically trying to make myself look presentable.

I scrambled to fix my bikini top before I was found looking ridiculously suspicious.

"What the hell have you been doing in there?" I heard the voice shout.

Paul.

Double shit.

Paul seemed to have a nose for sex.

Everybody knew that.

"Fuck" I whispered to myself, trying to flatten my damp hair.

He appeared from behind a tree with a smirk on his face.

"I have no idea what you've been doing out here" He laughed.

"I was just...um...Ineededtopee" I rushed out. It was the only logical explanation.

He said nothing. Just bust up laughing.

"What?" I asked defensively.

"Oh Bella, do you think I was born five minutes ago?" He asked, still laughing his ass off.

I said nothing, just wrapped my arms around my torso defensively.

"Oh shut up, Bellie. I'm just playing with you" He told me, flashing me an enormous grin.

"Anyway, like you can talk! I saw you with Leah" I accused, waggling my eyebrows.

"Yeah, well thats nothing" He huffed.

"Okay...Care to explain?" I nudged.

He just shrugged.

"Its not serious. I'm not ready for serious" He replied.

"Alright then..."

I left it at that. I certainly wasn't one to pry where drama was involved.

I had enough of that in my own life thank you very much.

"So, are you heading to Seattle tonight for Leahs birthday?" I asked, as we walked back towards the beach.

"Yeah, I think so. Obviously you are" He said, nudging me slightly.

"So, hows you're life really going out in the big, wide world?" He asked.

"Its...good. I have down days where I miss home a lot, but I just have to keep busy, you know?" I answered.

He seemed satisfied with my response.

"And Jacob? How is it seeing him?" He pressed.

God, was my heart rate going to pick up every time somebody said his name?

"Its difficult"

"Difficult? Come on Bella, its be you're talking to here" He said, smiling in my direction.

"Fine. Its fucking heartbreaking to see the happy couple together" I confessed.

"Yeah, I never got Megan. I mean, she's nice and all but she's just...I dont know, shes just a little too Stepford Wife for my liking"

I had to giggle at that one.

Trust Paul.

"Are you still in love with him?" He asked, almost intrusively.

My gaze dropped to the ground. Of course I was. Who couldnt see that?

"Uh...I'll always love Jake" I muttered.

Paul wrapped his arm around my shoulders and gaze me a quick squeeze.

"You know you can always talk to me dont you? I miss my best friend" He said, pouting at me.

I smacked him playfully on the chest.

"Oh hush it. We both know you've kept yourself quite busy since I've been away" I laughed.

As we stepped foot onto the sand, I spotted Rose and Jared sprawled out on beach towels a little way down the shore line.

"I'll race you" He challenged.

"You wanna go?" I asked, pulling my fists up in a playful fashion.

"You betcha, little girl" He laughed.

"_Didn't anybody tell you its dangerous to wander into the woods on you're own, little girl?"_

His oblivious reference to my big, bad wolf sent my heart beat racing once again.

I craved Jake. With every inch of my soul.

I'd gone years without him, but now it seemed that I couldnt go a day.

Oh yes, leaving was going to be one mean feat.

Maybe he'd see what he was missing and chase me down...

No, this wasnt a fairytale.

This was Jake and Bells, and that _never _went smoothly.

"Last one there buys the first round tonight!" He yelled, taking off in front of me.

"Oh, its on!"

**Thanks for reading x**


	13. Let The Reigns Go Loose

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in it.**

"Bella, you've been in there for absolutely ages! I need to pee!" Leah squeaked.

"Alright, alright! I'll be out in a minute!" I laughed.

She was right. I had been locked away in the bathroom for a while daydreaming about the afternoon's events. Every part of me ached to feel like that again. The way my body reacted to him made it impossible to control myself.

But there was always that afterthought. Megan. His_ wife_. I still couldn't get my head around the fact that he was married now. It made things so much more complicated. Of course, I sound like a spoiled child. I'm not the one that's going to get hurt in all of this. Or am I? Was I naïve to think that Jake would just drop her for me after committing himself to her? One of the things I loved most about Jake was his unwavering loyalty to the people he loved and cared about.

I shook my head and picked up the lipstick that was sitting on the side of the sink. Swiping it across my lips, I knew that tonight would be interesting. It was Leah's birthday celebration. All her friends and loved ones would be there. So that could only mean one thing, surely.

I blotted my lips on some tissue and took a deep breath.

Outside the bathroom door, Leah was waiting for me.

"Thank GOD!" She cried, crashing past me and slamming the bathroom door behind her. I laughed.

Rosalie was in the kitchen lining up the tequila shots on the counter whilst bopping around excitedly to the song on the radio. She was dressed in a skin-tight LBD and ankle boots. She always looked incredible.

"Oh, its going to be _that_ kind of night is it?" I asked her, smiling.

"Hell yes it is! Do you know how long its been since I've been able to completely let my hair down and not have to crawl out of bed for work the next day? I am going for it tonight! Leah!"

Walking into the kitchen, Leah spotted the drinks on the side and laughed.

"I'd like to make it past midnight but with you two around, I don't think that's going to happen"

With that, Leah shrugged and took a shot from Rosalie.

"Happy Birthday Leah, lets get this party started shall we? The cab will be here any minute!" I said, raising my glass and clinking it against the other two.

I knocked back the tequila and grabbed a piece of lime to suck on before checking myself out in the full length mirror in the hall.

I had to admit, I looked pretty damn good. I had on a pair of black faux leather pants, black stiletto pumps and a deep maroon coloured cowl neck chemise. Just enough to make my cleavage pop, but not too much. My hair fell over my left shoulder in soft, bouncy curls.

"Bella, the cab is here!" Leah shouted from the kitchen.

I threw my jacket over my shoulders and headed out with the girls to see what the night would have in store for all of us. I had a feeling that the last thing it was going to be was uneventful, and I was dead right.

Pulling up to the club, we paid the driver and apologised profusely for our atrocious attempt at karaoke on the journey there.

"Don't you girls worry, sure livened up my Saturday night!" He laughed, waving as he drove away.

The three of us linked arms and entered the club. Immediately our attention was caught by the gaggle of giddy and excited young men across the room.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR LEAH, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!" Jared, Embry and Paul all sang in chorus. If you could call it that anyway.

Paul handed out the cocktails while Jared placed a little plastic tiara on Leah's head.

"Are you serious right now?" Leah asked, a confused but equally amused look on her face.

"Absofuckinglutely" Jared laughed.

"Sex on the beach, Bella?" Paul chuckled as he handed my cocktail.

"Oh HA…HA…HA" I replied sarcastically.

Paul stuck his tongue out at me and herded us all on to the dance floor. The six of us danced for what seemed like hours, taking champagne and cocktail breaks in between, of course.

"Hey, do you know if he's going to be making an appearance tonight?" I shouted to Paul over the loud music.

"Uh, yeah I guess so. I'd be surprised if he didn't, he and Leah have known each other since they were in diapers!" He shouted back.

"You want another drink?" I asked him, gesturing towards the bar.

He nodded and followed as I made my way over.

"Hey, two beers please and two shots of cherry vodka!" I asked the barman.

I hopped up onto the bar stool and took a long look at my friends. How had I managed to be without them all this time? The joy I felt when I was around them was something else entirely. And the fact that Rosalie had just slipped in like she had always belonged made everything feel just right.

Except in an ideal world, I would be standing here with Jake. Laughing with him, touching him, kissing him. For all to see.

"Earth to Bella, ready?" Paul nudged, sliding the shot of cherry vodka across the bar to me.

I lifted it, chinked it against his glass and knocked it back. As I placed the empty glass down onto the bar and grabbed my beer, Pauls body language completely changed.

"Hey Bella, I think we should go dance with the others. We can't let them have all the fun without us!" He beamed, desperately trying to usher me back the dancefloor.

I stopped and turned around. And there he was. No. Scrap that. There _they_ were.

Megan looked absolutely stunning in a red wrap around dress, her long hair delicately braided. Jakes arm was draped around her shoulders as they ordered a drink from the other end of the bar.

I felt all the blood rush to my head. The sight of him touching her made me want to scream. It was just a hardcore reminder that right now, I was second fiddle. Or that's how it felt at least.

"Come on, Bella. Don't focus on them. Its Leah's birthday, you look amazing, I look amazing and the birthday girl looks fucking incredible! Come and spend the night laughing and dancing with friends instead of standing here and torturing yourself!" He urged, trying to be heard over the loud music.

I just nodded, took his hand and followed him back over to the dance floor. As I looked back over my shoulder, my eyes met Jakes. He looked at me with a look of longing and confusion. He just shook his head and took a swig of his beer. Falling back into the crowd, I tried to forget about them and give the birthday girl a night to remember.

As Lizzo played out over the speaker system, I took my girls hands and pulled them into a group hug.

"I am so happy to have you both in my life! Happy Birthday Leah!" I shouted.

A couple of hours of horsing around later, I made my way through the crowd towards the rest room. Everyone had come out to celebrate Leah and she was so happy. I took full advantage of an empty rest room, reapplying my lipstick and fixing my hair. As I washed my hands, I heard the door swing open behind me. Paying no mind, I dried my hands on a paper towel and put my things back in my bag.

That was when I felt it. Hot hands brushing their way down the top of my spine and snaking their way around the front of my body. I looked up into the mirror to be met with his wild, chocolate eyes glaring straight into mine. His tight black shirt highlighted his incredible bicep and shoulder muscles. His fingertips found their way underneath the fabric of my chemise and lightly pinched my bare nipples, hardening instantly at his touch. My body was at his mercy, always. I leant back into him and closed my eyes, grinding my ass firmly into his jean covered crotch. I could feel him stiffening at the sensation.

"Do you have any idea how fucking delicious you look tonight?" He growled in my ear, his breath causing the hairs on my neck to stand on end.

Losing myself for a moment, I forget where we are and turn to kiss him. A firm kiss, full of longing and lust. Taking his bottom lip between my teeth, I suck on it softly and pull away to look at him. Did he know just how perfect he was? From his head to his toes, he was perfect.

Suddenly, his phone began to ring. And we were back to reality once again.

"Megan?" I asked, looking down at my feet.

He said nothing, rejected the call and shoved his phone into his back pocket. I suddenly felt dirty. Here we were, desperately in love but hiding out in the rest room making out in secret while his wife searched for him in the next room.

"Jake, I don't know if I can keep doing this. God, I want you so much. Every time I see you, I just want to touch you. I've been without you for so long and I thought I was doing okay. Being back here and seeing you every day is so wonderful, but so hard all the same. I'm guessing your wife is looking for you and here you are, feeling me up in a club toilet. It's just not…"

He interrupted me by pulling me into the cubicle behind us.

"Jake, what…" He placed his finger over my mouth and shushed me.

He placed his hands either side of my neck and gently tilted my head upwards. His lips started to caress my jawline, my neck, my collarbone. He was grinding his erection against my stomach through his trousers as I threw my head back against the cubicle wall. I grabbed at his erection, feeling the heat radiating through his jeans. His muffled groans could barely be heard as he pushed the straps of my top down over my shoulders, freeing my hard, pink nipples before taking them into his wet mouth one after the other.

"Fuck, Bells…" He huffed as I squeezed his cock in my palm.

The more I squeezed, the harder he got. Fumbling, I unbuttoned his jeans and ran my palms around the back of his body, taking his buttocks in my hands and grazing my fingernails against them.

My soft caresses sent him wild as he made his way down my body, peeling the leather trousers down with him as he went.

"Jake, what are you…OH!" I cried.

He swung my legs over his shoulders and buried his gorgeous face between my legs. Gently biting the flesh above my clit, his hot breath sent shivers down my spine. As I looked down at him, our eyes locking, he began lapping at my wetness. It was as if just the taste of me drove him insane. Unable to hold myself up any longer, my arms extended above me almost automatically as I grabbed at the wall behind me.

"So…fucking…tasty" he whispered in between strokes. Sucking my clit into his hot mouth, he reached up with his hand and began to caress my breast. His tongue darted up and down and my whole body shook against him.

With his one final ferocious suckling of me, I fell apart. My eyes almost rolling back into my head in pleasure. I had never felt anything like it. My whole body felt like it was on fire.

Jake snaked his way back up my body, pulling my trousers back over my behind as he went. He stared intently into my eyes and smirked at me.

"You need to straighten yourself up Bella Swan. You look like you've been ravaged by a wild animal."

He winked, wiping away my juices from his chin with a paper towel.

I laughed. My mouth was dry from all the panting.

The door to the restroom opened and swung shut again. We both tensed up.

"I just don't know what's going on with him, Emily. The past few days he's just been, like he's there but he's not. We haven't been the same for weeks and I'm driving myself silly trying to figure out what the hell is going on."

Fuck.


	14. Sad Songs For Dirty Lovers

**I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

"_You need to straighten yourself up Bella Swan. You look like you've been ravaged by a wild animal." He winked, wiping away my juices from his chin with a paper towel. _

_I laughed. My mouth dry from all the panting. _

_The door to the restroom opened and swung shut again. We both tensed up._

"_I just don't know what's going on with him, Emily. The past few days he's just been, like he's there but he's not. We haven't been the same for weeks and I'm driving myself silly trying to figure out what the hell is going on." _

_Fuck._

I was glued to the spot. I could see Jakes pulse throbbing in his neck. How could we have been so stupid? How could we have been so disrespectful? We are terrible, terrible people.

"Things were good last time I spoke to you though, right?" Emily asked Megan.

"Yeah, well at least I thought they were. He's always been the same though. I know he loves me, but I've always thought he wasn't throwing himself into our marriage fully. Ever since we lost our son…"

I could hear the cry catch in Megan's throat.

_Jake had a son. _

A little boy who no doubt would have been absolutely beautiful. I looked up at Jake and could see the tears pooling in his eyes, but his jaw was clenched. I took hold of his hand and squeezed it gently. A silent way of telling him that I was sorry for everything he had been through. Was it selfish of me to blame myself? If I hadn't left, would we have been the ones to marry? He may not have even met Megan. And neither of them would have gone through this incredibly tragic loss.

"Oh Meg, please don't cry. It will happen for you again. You will have another beautiful child when the time is right, I just know it" Emily soothed.

I heard Megan sigh.

"There's one very important ingredient required to make a baby, Emily. You actually need to have sex. And that is one thing that we are definitely not doing right now."

I bit my lip nervously, silently shuffling my feet.

"Look, lets go back out there and enjoy the rest of our night. We have the rest of our lives to help each other through the bad, lets enjoy the good when the opportunity comes, hey?" Emily urged.

"Ugh, lets go and get a drink"

And with that the door swung open and closed once again.

I looked up at Jake. He was just staring at the wall. I squeezed his hand once more.

"I'm really, really sorry Jake"

With that, I wrapped my arms around him. Not as a lover, but as a friend. My Jake had been through so much. Of all the people in the world to deserve this, he was not one of them. He pulled away and opened the cubicle door, stepping back out into the main area of the restroom.

"I'm going to go back out there, I'll see you"

And with that, Jake swiftly kissed me on the forehead and turned on his heel out of the door.

I placed my palms either side of the wash basin and let out a breath that I felt like I'd been holding in for a lifetime. Of all the things I'd done in my life, receiving oral sex from a married man in a restroom cubicle and then hiding from his wife…it was most definitely not my proudest moment.

I fixed my make up and hair in the mirror, straightened out my outfit and made my way back out into the club.

I don't know how long I'd been in there but everyone seemed to be considerably more intoxicated than they were when I last saw them. Leah was huddled up in a corner booth with Paul playing what looked like spin the bottle. Rosalie and Jared were doing shots at the bar. And Embry…well he was having a dance off with some college kids in the middle of the dance floor.

I wish I could have lifted my own spirits and continued on with the celebration, but I decided to talk a slow walk home alone instead.

Walking out on to the street, I tripped on a cobblestone and dropped my purse. A beautifully manicured hand appeared in front of me as I bent down to pick it up.

"Hey, Bella right?"

Jesus, can a girl catch a break?

Megan's kind smile beamed down on me as she handed me my purse.

"Yeah, hey. I was just leaving! I'll see you around sometime maybe!" I hurried.

"You're not walking, surely? Its 4am Bella. You should share a cab with us!" She suggested.

_Us._

"No, honestly its fine. My dads a police officer, I've known how to fight off attackers since I was five!" I laughed nervously.

Absolutely no way. No way on God's green earth was I going to share a cab with Jake and his wife.

"I actually agree with Megan, Bella. Its really late and I'd rather know that you got home safe" Jake chimed in.

_Was he actually serious?_

"Come on Bella, I'm not taking no for an answer" Megan insisted.

And that's how I ended up sitting in the back seat of an Uber with my lover's wife making small talk about Gucci handbags.

"Bella, we should totally go out for coffee sometime! I'm sure you have some really embarrassing stories you could tell about Jacob!" She giggled, clearly tipsy.

I could see Jake's shoulders tense up as he sat quietly in the passenger seat.

"Uh, I'm actually going back to work in a few day's so I don't think we'll have the chance. Maybe next time I'm in town though" I pacified.

As we pulled up outside Charlie and Sue's house, Megan took hold of my hand and squeezed it.

"Let me give you some money towards the fare" I insisted.

"Nonsense! Don't you worry about that. Sleep well, Bella. See you around."

I stepped out of the cab and as I turned to shut the door behind me, I caught Jakes gaze. I had never seen him look so uncomfortable. I shot him a half smile and then turned around to walk up to the house.

How could I have picked the nicest, warmest, most beautiful woman's life to destroy?

I sat on the steps and rested my chin in my hand. Looking up at the full moon, it made me feel warm and secure. I could have sat there all night, completely mesmerised by the sight of it.

Hearing the birds sing, I realised that the sun would soon be coming up.

I quietly made my way upstairs, threw off my outfit and fell into bed. It was a matter of seconds before my tired eyes closed.

The next couple of days trickled by.

Charlie and Sue had headed off on their honeymoon and Rosalie had gone back home for work. It was just little old me and occasionally Leah.

It was mid afternoon and I had spent the whole day so far partaking in the riveting activity of…spring cleaning.

I wanted to thank Charlie and Sue for letting me stay with them, so I figured them coming back to a sparkling home was a good way to show my gratitude. The kitchen was the cleanest I'd seen it in years. I would have been willing to eat my dinner off the floor, it sparkled so much.

I had been out the day before and bought new throws and cushions for the sofa as a belated wedding gift and bundled the old ones in boxes to go up in the attic. As I climbed the ladder, I remembered the times I would hide up there when I was missing my mom. I spent hours looking at old photographs and going through her belongings.

Pulling the light cord, I climbed up into the attic. It was full of old 'antiques' as Charlie liked to call them. He'd had a habit over the years of buying items for the sole reason that they might be worth something one day. My little nest egg, he called it. The thought made me smile.

I pulled the boxes up the ladder and placed them in the corner out of the way. As I turned back towards the hatch, I tripped over something solid and fell.

"Shit, shit, shit!" I squealed.

As I stood up and dusted myself off, I looked down to see what I'd collided with. I couldn't believe it.

My memory box.

Picking the box up, I carefully climbed down the ladder and took myself into the kitchen. I placed the box down on the table and stared at it for a moment. I knew what was in there. Mementos from my teenage years. I opened a cold beer and sat down at the table.

Carefully lifting the lid off the box, the musty smell hit my nose immediately. Some of this stuff was super old. I sipped at my beer as I looked through old cinema tickets from date nights with Jake. Once a week we'd go and see an unpopular movie just so we could sit in an empty theatre and make out in the back.

I giggled at the thought of how clumsy and awkward we were back then. We barely knew what we were doing. But look at us now…

Taking my time to soak it all in, I read through love letters from Jake from when we were 16.

_My Bells, _

_It sucks here without you, but I've learnt so much about mechanics that I never knew! I've got it all planned out now Bella. I'm going to open up my own shop, fixing cars, spraying them… I want to be able to provide for you and give you everything you deserve! _

_God, I love you so much. I never thought it was possible to care this way about somebody. _

_I miss your beautiful face. As soon as I get back we're going to the movies! Haha!_

_Don't forget me! _

_Your Jake xxx_

"Oh Jake, I could never" I whispered.


	15. Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

It was a cold, rainy afternoon in Forks. Typical. As much as I loved being back, I certainly hadn't changed my opinion on the weather. When your everyday life involves travelling all over, mostly to warm locations, all this rain is a bit of a culture shock. I had wrapped up in Charlies lumberjack jacket and a pair of old motorcycle boots that I found in my closet. They were no Louboutin's but they were definitely comfier.

Charlie and Sue were due back from their trip later that evening, so I had decided to cook them supper to welcome them home. It was only a couple of days before I left for Hawaii, so I wanted to make the most of my time with them both.

I headed out to garage to grab some gas for the rental car. Charlie always liked to buy in bulk when the price went down. My Dad is nothing if not sensible. I flicked the light switch and was hit with a shit tonne of nostalgia.

_There she is._

My first car. Well, truck. Rusty red and battered. I can't believe Charlie kept it after so much time had passed. The keys were laying on the would be rude not to take the old girl out for a spin.

I climbed in the driver's side and put the key in the ignition. The engine ticked over for a few second's but she soon came alive. I pressed play on the stereo and the music blasted so loud, I nearly jumped out of my skin. I laughed, remembering the good times I'd had in this truck. Starting out onto the road, I headed for the direction of the reservation. The stores there always stocked way fresher produce than Forks had.

I drove along the long, winding roads singing my heart out to the songs on the radio. The rain was pouring down onto the windscreen, the sounds of the droplets hitting the roof were a welcome comfort.

Just as I passed the border out of Forks, I heard a loud CLUNK. Shit. Good one Bella. As lovely as nostalgia was, the BMW rental wouldn't have cut out on me.

I pulled the hood of Charlies jacket over my head and stepped out into the pouring rain. I could barely see, the droplets were coming down that hard and fast. Lifting the hood, I tried to figure out what had happened. Not that it was any good. I had absolutely no idea what I was looking for!

"Bella?!" I heard a voice shout.

Peeping around the bonnet of the car, I saw Megan in her car with the window wound down.

"Oh, hey" I mumbled.

"Do you need a ride? Why don't you come back to our house and give Jacob a call?" She suggested, sweetly.

_Our house. _

I couldn't think of anything worse. But for some reason, the words fell out before my mouth engaged with my brain.

"Yeah, sure. Thanks!"

I closed the hood of the truck and locked it up. Jumping into the passenger seat of Megan's car, I removed my hood and shivered.

"The rain this time of year really sucks, huh?" She asked, rhetorically.

"This time of year? As far as I can remember, rain is a common presence in Forks for like, ninety percent of the year!" I teased.

"Is that why you decided to move to Los Angeles?" She asked.

"…"

"Sorry, I shouldn't be prying" She said softly. She was so hard to hate.

"No, its fine. Yeah, the weather certainly had something to do with it!" I laughed.

Megan steered through the reservation and pulled up to a quaint but beautiful house just on the outskirts, surrounded by woodland. I couldn't imagine Jake living anywhere else. This was perfect for him. And it could have been perfect for me once upon a time.

I followed her up to the front door. Walking inside, I removed my soaking wet jacket and Megan handed me a towel to dry off.

"Thank you, its really nice of you to help" I said genuinely.

"Not a problem, any friend of Jacobs is welcome in our home. Would you like some coffee?" She asked.

"Yeah, sure thanks" I replied.

_Friends._

The more she spoke, the worse I felt.

While Megan was in the kitchen, I took the opportunity to do something really stupid. Snoop.

I walked over to the sideboard and picked up a hand carved wooden photo frame. Tears filled my eyes as I studied the picture it held.

It was Jake and Megan on their wedding day. She wore a beautiful lace gown and a beautifully understated head dress that laced her hair line with pearls. Her smile was so wide. She looked so happy. And so did he. Standing behind her in his white shirt and trousers, he looked down at her with such adoration. They looked happy. Really happy.

"Hey Bella, why don't you call Jacob while I finish up in here! I'm sure he can grab one of the guys and tow your truck back the garage!" Megan shouted from the kitchen.

I placed the frame back down on the sideboard and wiped the tears from my eyes. Taking my cell phone out of my pocket, I pulled up Jakes number and pressed the call button. It rang for a few moments before he answered.

"Hey, I wondered when you were going to call" he beamed down the phone.

"Uh yeah, hi. Listen, I've got a problem. My truck broke down just outside the Res and I need to get it towed back to Charlies. Can you help?" I asked him bluntly.

"Oh, yeah sure. I'll be right there. Wait in the truck Bells, it's freezing out there."

I was silent for a moment before I spoke.

"I'm not by the truck Jake, I'm in your house"

The line went silent.

"Megan saw me on the side of the road and invited me over to dry off. She suggested that I call you for help" I explained.

"I'll be there soon"

He hung up.

At that moment, Megan walked into the lounge area with two steaming hot cups of coffee. She handed one to me and sat back on the sofa opposite me. I sipped at it and smiled at the warmth in my stomach.

"So, you and Jake huh? How did you meet?" I pried. I shouldn't have.

"Oh, we met a local fundraiser a few years back. I was in charge of the face painting but once again the weather was _awful_, so nobody was interested. I guilted him into letting me paint a butterfly on his forehead" she laughed recalling the memory of it.

I sipped at my coffee awkwardly, not wanting it to end as when it did, I'd have no excuse to not be talking.

"What about you, Bella? How did you and Jake start hanging out? It must be so strange coming back here after all this time seeing how much everyone's changed!" She beamed.

The front door swung open. Thank god.

Jake stood there, his clothing soaked through. He looked at me. Then Megan. And then back to me.

"So, you want me to drop you back home at the same time?" He asked me. I think the only answer I was supposed to give was yes.

I nodded and stood up from my seat.

"Thank you so much for your help Megan. I really appreciate it. And thanks for the coffee!" I said.

"Anytime Bella!" She smiled.

I walked out to the tow truck and climbed in the passenger side, Jake in the driver's seat. It was a good five minutes before either of us spoke.

"I'm sorry you keep ending up in these situations, Bells" he apologised. He put his hand on my leg and gave it a squeeze.

I tensed beneath his touch. And he noticed.

"You looked really happy at your wedding, Jake"

He drove maybe another half a mile before pulling over on the side of the road. Again, neither of us spoke. Not for what felt like a lifetime. The tension was clear to see.

"I..I don't know what you want me to say Bella?" He shrugged.

"I don't want you to say anything. I guess I just forget sometimes that you married her for a reason. She's really wonderful, Jake." I sobbed.

Jake slid over a little further towards me and rested his palm on my shoulder.

"Bella, this is a complicated situation. I love _you. _I want _you. _But I can't just walk out on Megan. She…saved me. When things were really bad, she was there. I don't want to call her a distraction but that is what she was. And I mean that in a good way. If it weren't for her Bella, I don't know where I would be. Probably still hooking up with women that I don't even like just to stop feeling. I've never really spoken to you about how bad things got when you left because I don't want you to shoulder that guilt. I know you Bells, and I know damn well that you would."

He was right. I definitely would.

"I think you're right. I don't think right now is the best time to discuss it either. I think we should just get my truck home, okay?" I suggested. Although in reality, I was insisting. Politely. Kind of.

We pulled up outside Charlies around forty-five minutes later and neither of us had said a word the entire time. Jake helped me push the truck back in the garage and then walked me to the front door.

Turning to face him, the look on his face pained my heart. So many emotions written all over his beautiful face. Sadness, anger, guilt, love.

"Jake, I can't invite you inside. Not today. I'm already a shitty person but of all the days, today is not the day to be aiding you in cheating on your wife." I told him.

He didn't say anything, but he nodded in mild agreement. I could see the shame on his face.

"Listen, I'm leaving in a couple of days" I reminded him.

"I know. Do you think its been off my mind for a single second?" He snarked. I let it go.

"If you need me, you know where I am. I just need a little time to process what the hell is actually going on here. My head is completely screwed, and I feel like we're getting lost in the fantasy a little here Jake. Like, what's the plan? Keep sneaking around? Secret phone calls? A hook up or two whenever I visit? Which, lets face it, is still going to be a fairly rare occurrence. We need to take some time and think about what it is we both want out of this. Before it gets out of hand."

He just nodded, pulled me in for a hug and then walked away.

_Before it gets out of hand. _

Ha.

**Thanks for reading x**


	16. At The Bottom Of Everything

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

I couldn't get the day's events out of my head. I'd never been so torn in all my life. The inner battle I was having my own head was causing me to question the person I thought I was.

On one hand, I felt like scum. You can dress it up however you want, I'm someone's mistress. A dirty little secret. Megan was kind, beautiful, warm and deserved none of this. From what I'd seen and heard of her so far, she was sincere and dedicated to Jake.

On the other hand, it was Jake. It was like somebody had lit a fire beneath us. The passion I felt with him was so intense, my brain and body forgot about what was morally right when I was around him. His touch was like magic and my body just knew what to do with him. I'd gone from virgin to sex kitten in a matter of days. And I loved him. Oh, did I love him. With all my heart and soul. And I believed that he loved me too. No, I _knew_ he loved me.

Tomorrow morning, I was leaving. I hadn't spoken to Jake since he'd dropped me off a yesterday. He had respected my wish for some space to think about things. The problem was, I was no closer to a conclusion now than I was yesterday. And even if Jake did leave Megan, how would it work? He wouldn't leave the reservation. La Push was his home. Once upon a time, I'd dreamt that it would be my home. The home where we raised our children together. Did I want to give up everything I'd worked for and move back here? The logistics of the situation were making my head hurt. And there was still Billy to worry about. Jake hadn't mentioned anything since I told him the truth that morning at the hotel and I hadn't pried. If Billy knew that I had come back and destroyed everything for his son and daughter in law, I'd have heard from him by now.

It was just past six o clock in the evening. Charlie, Sue and I had arrived back home not half an hour ago. We had gone out to dinner at a little Italian restaurant in Port Angeles. A way of saying goodbye, I guess. They hadn't asked when I would next visit and to be honest, I didn't know myself.

I made myself a coffee and went outside to sit on the porch. The sun was trying to peek out from behind the grey clouds with no luck. I took a sip of my coffee and placed it down beside me. Taking my cell phone out of my pocket, I found Jakes number. Regardless of the situation, I couldn't leave without seeing him first.

It went straight to voicemail.

"Uh, hey Jake. So, I'm leaving tomorrow and thought we should talk. You know where I am anyway. I leave at nine."

I finished my coffee on the porch and took myself upstairs for a bath. Laying there in the piping hot water, I pushed all thoughts of this mess to one side and relaxed. After washing my hair and shaving my legs, I wrapped myself in a towel and headed to my room. I slipped on my flannel pyjama shorts and a black tank top, dried my hair and packed my belongings. All ready to go.

Relaxing on the bed, I took my phone out. He hadn't called. My heart sank. There was every chance that I was going to have to leave without seeing his face. Or kissing his lips. For all I knew, the last time could have been…well, the last time. The thought made my heart hurt. I rolled over into my pillow and forced my eyelids shut. I couldn't spend the night tearing myself apart over this.

The rain battered against the window as my eyes flickered open. Daylight was peeping through the curtains. I sat bolt upright and looked at my watch. Six thirty in the morning. Unlocking my phone, I checked to see if Jake had called while I was sleeping. But there was nothing. No missed calls, no text messages. I could feel my chest getting heavier as I was forced to come to terms with the fact that I would be leaving without saying goodbye to him. Tears pooled in my eyes as I thought of everything we'd shared over the last week or so. I wouldn't have changed a second it. My only wish was that he was mine completely. But none of that mattered now. I was leaving.

I threw on a pair of comfy sweat pants and my black hoodie and took myself downstairs to get some coffee. Charlie was standing in the front of the hallway mirror in his police uniform fixing his hair.

"Oh hey sweetheart, all set?" He asked, the sadness evident in his voice.

"Yeah, I'm ready. Aiming to leave in an hour or so. It's been so wonderful seeing you, Dad. The wedding was beautiful and it's been amazing catching up with everybody!" I told him enthusiastically.

"Don't leave it so long next time, alright kiddo?" He said as he wrapped me up in a big hug.

"I'll try not to, Dad"

Charlie left for work a little while later and then it was just me. I was watching the minutes go by on the clock. I couldn't decide if I wanted time to pass slower so that I had more chance of seeing Jake or faster so that the decision was out of my hands. As the clock struck 8.30, I called a cab and gathered my belongings.

A few moments later, there was a knock at the door. Assuming the cab had arrived, I picked up my suitcase and jacket and said an inner goodbye to the house I grew up in once again.

Swinging the door open, I froze.

"Jake…" I muttered.

He stood there in the doorway with a look of absolute ruin displayed across his face. He didn't say a word for a moment. Just leant against the doorframe looking down at the floor. Dressed in a pair of grey sweats and a black t-shirt, he looked good enough to eat. But his face was telling me that something was wrong.

"I told him, Bella"

"Told who what, Jake?" I asked, confused. I held the door all the way open and ushered him back inside the house.

Jake took himself into the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the fridge.

"Jake, it's not even 9am…" I said, expressing concern.

He sat himself down at the kitchen table and took a long swig from the bottle. Laughing to himself, he looked up at me and shook his head.

"I confronted Billy. About what you told me?" He sighed.

My legs felt funny. I felt dizzy. What was he thinking?

"Jake…what happened?" I asked nervously.

"He didn't even try to deny it, asshole" he huffed, taking another swig from the bottle.

I could feel the anger radiating off him. Jake had never scared me, not in my whole life. His emotions were always plain to see as they were usually written all over his face. But this side of Jake worried me.

"Okay so tell me this, now that you've told Billy…"

"He's not going to tell anyone, he wants me to stay with Megan and try to make it work" he said, cutting me off.

In that moment, an uncontrollable urge grabbed hold of me and before I knew where my head was at, my mouth was already moving.

"Okay do you know something Jake, I'm fucking done" I told him, throwing my hands up in the air.

"I can't do this. The past week has been a mixture of incredible and gut wrenching to the point where I feel physically sick at my actions. At points I've stooped lower than I thought I was capable of. I swore I'd never be someone's secret mistress. But do you know what? I don't care. I'm done beating myself up over it. I love you. I've loved touching you. I've loved every moment spent with you. I'm single, Jake. I have no ties. I'm right here for the taking. I don't want anybody else. But my part is done here. I've told you that I love you, I've told you that I regret how things ended between us. And I think it's obvious that there is no other man on this planet that I would rather sleep next to. All those years I spent away from you, I looked at nobody. Nobody ever came close to comparing and nobody ever will. The decision is yours now, Jake. I am handing you my heart on a platter. You can either take it and treasure it, or you can break it."

I walked back over to the door and once again gathered my things. Feeling his hot breath on the back of my neck, I turned around to face him. We were mere inches apart from one another.

"I'm leaving her, Bella"

Those four words ripped through me like wildfire. I searched his face for any sign of dishonesty but could find none. At the very least, he believed the words that were coming out of his mouth.

"Jake, I have to go…" I whispered. Our lips almost touching, I could feel his warm breath on my mouth.

He rested his forehead against mine and cupped my face with his beautiful, large hands. Our lips brushed together softly. A more tender kiss than any we had shared over the last week or so. The gentleness of it made my spine tingle. Jake pulled me in to him and enveloped me in his arms. I lay my head against his chest as the tears began to fall down over my cheeks.

"I promise you, I'm leaving her. I've spent all night killing myself over what to do and how to do it. But then I realised no matter how long I leave it, it's going to hurt her all the same. You don't deserve to be put in this situation anymore, Bella. I'm doing it. Today. I promise" he assured me.

I desperately wanted to believe him. I really did.

"I still have to go Jake, I'm really sorry. My flight is in four hours and I need to get to the airport. I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say. Please, know that I love you?" I urged.

"I know you have to go. Just please…if I do this…can we talk about what's next for us?" He asked, the lump in his throat evident.

"Yes, call me" I nodded.

Jake wrapped me up in one more embrace. The kiss was more urgent this time. His tongue snaked my mouth as he took hold of my bottom lip between his teeth and gently sucked. I could taste the alcohol on his breath. That beer hadn't been his first drink of the day.

I couldn't bring myself to chastise him for it. For him this must have been like reliving a nightmare all over again.


	17. A Multitude Of Casualties

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of it's characters. **

**Trigger warning: Sensitive content involving stillbirth. A heartbreaking subject that I've tried to be sensitive to. I hope it doesn't offend or upset.**

**This chapter will be from Jacobs POV. Enjoy!**

As I watched her drive away, the all to familiar feeling crept back in. I'd watched her go once before and it had taken her all these years to come back to me. For years I'd accepted the fact that she'd moved on. She'd moved away and found love with someone else. Someone with way more to give her than I ever could. I hadn't expected her to come home and tell me that I was the only one. It knocked me for six, truthfully. To know that I'd lost myself when she'd gone. The things I'd done to try and forget her. The drink, the women. All of it.

When I met Megan, I wasn't ready for anything serious. I didn't think I ever would be. At first, we were just friends. It felt good to have someone to talk to again. It inevitably ended up with us getting closer. I thought with my crotch, not my brain. I hadn't wanted to get involved with her in fear of hurting her. I knew I would. Bella was always there. Not even at the back of my mind. Just there. When I closed my eyes, I could see her perfect face. I had fantasised about having her perfect body pressed against mine.

Her body was always a 10, but I have to admit, when I saw her standing there in Charlies kitchen that night after all this time, it took my breath away. She had changed so much, but she was still the same Bells.

_My Bells. _

Whenever I'd seen her in one of those magazines, my head was torn between rage and lust. Knowing that I would never be the only one to see that gorgeous body twisted like a knife. But after a year or so, I'd accepted it. It embarrassed me to admit that I used to buy every single one. Pleasuring myself over the images of her splayed out across the pages. I always felt the shame afterwards. When I found out Megan was pregnant, I was happy. I can't lie about that. Yeah, there was a part of me that felt like the dream of Bells coming back and realising she didn't want to live her life without me in it was dead in the water. The men in our community always stepped up to the plate when it came to their children. It was an unwritten rule of our society. We treated our women with respect and loyalty. It was my dad who had pushed for marriage. He wanted the baby to have my family name. So, it was decided, Megan and I would marry at a small traditional ceremony, just close family and friends. The whole day was a blur. I remember watching her walk down the aisle. A delicate, lace veil covering her face. I couldn't help but let the thought of Bells creep into my mind. It had always been her face that I'd seen whenever I'd thought of marriage. It was supposed to be us. But I loved Megan for bringing me back from the brink. Her dad had put up the money for us to buy the garage and I'd thrown myself into making it a success.

When we found out that we were expecting a boy, pride seeped from every pore. I wanted my son to have the best I could give him. Love, support, financial stability and a loving home to grow up in. For a few months, I'd actually convinced myself that everything was going to be fine. My feelings for Megan grew during her pregnancy. I'd found a new respect for her that I hadn't had before. The sexual attraction I felt towards her soared. The nights I'd spend caressing my hands all over her body, in awe of her swollen breasts and belly. I can't deny it, we were happy.

I'll never forget when we lost him. The panicked phone call from Paul. He'd found her on the kitchen floor, crying and bleeding. Sitting in the hospital with her while she birthed our boy, knowing that we would never see the colour of his eyes, feel the warmth of his skin or hear his little hear beat. It broke us.

We had named him Noah Black. The time we spent with his tiny form will stay with me forever. I helped Megan as we wiped his beautiful, russet face clean and dressed him in a tiny white Babygro. The three of us lay there on the hospital bed silently, drinking in the feel of being a family while we could. I kissed away her tears as her heart shattered.

The guys were amazing. They took care of everything at the garage while Megan and I mourned the loss of our future. I would drink myself into a stupor most nights and she would sit in the rocking chair on the porch, just staring at nothing. I would disappear for days at a time, sleeping in my truck as I went from town to town looking for something to make me_ feel_ again. I was an asshole. There was no doubt about it. The guilt I felt from leaving Megan when she needed me most ate me up.

It was like we'd lost the one thing holding us together and now there was nothing. I knew it and she knew it. But for her there was always hope that it would all be okay. I already knew different.

Bella was back in my thoughts when I'd seen that interview on the tv that night. Hearing her soft voice and the sound of her laugh breathed life into me that knocked me for six.

And then she came back. Smelling her scent that night in the kitchen, feeling the hairs on her arms stand to attention when I ran my fingers across her skin told me that it was still there for her. I had waited for years to be buried inside her. And I knew she craved it too. Finding out she was still pure and whole surprised the hell out of me but made me want to take her in every which way possible. That night in Seattle, we let ourselves go. We gave in to all feelings and abandoned any thought other than that of each other. Our naked bodies tangled together, glistening with sweat. I had waited for so long to show her how good I could make her feel. Finally getting to fulfil my fantasy drove me to want more and more.

I loved her and I always would. There was no comparison. She had always had my heart.

And when she confessed all about Billy, I wanted to put him through a wall. Knowing that he had been the reason for all the pain, I just wanted to make him feel some of it himself. I fought with myself over what to do. Confronting him this afternoon in my childhood home, I didn't even recognise him as he cruelly admitted that everything she'd said was true. I couldn't believe that my father, Billy Black, was almost proud of the trouble he'd caused. When I'd told him that I planned to leave Megan, he was furious but not at all surprised.

"You, Jacob Black, are no son of mine if you leave a wholesome quillete woman for that girl. We've all seen her Jacob. Doesn't that bother you? She should feel ashamed of herself for the trouble she's caused coming back here after all this time. Now that everyone's finally moved on…"

"I haven't moved on! Not even close! She was it for me, Dad!" I shouted, cutting him off.

"And what about your wife, Jacob? The pain she went through when she lost my grandson and you're just going to leave her over a week long fling!" He replied sharply.

"It's not a fling and you know it. That's why you're so angry. Everything you've orchestrated over the years is ruined, isn't it? Because she's back and she wants me. And my god, I want her too. I'm ending things with Megan Dad, and nothing is going to change my mind!" I told him before walking out, taking the front door off its hinges with how hard I slammed it shut behind me.

If I hadn't of left when I did, I knew I'd end up doing something I couldn't forgive myself for.

I had made my decision, Bella was what I wanted and if I didn't do something about it soon, I would lose her all over again. Only this time I'd be left with the torture of knowing just how good it could be when we were together.

Of all the girls in all the years, nothing had ever come close to the feeling I had when she was wrapped around me. Since she'd been back, the nights I'd spent locked away in the bathroom, desperately tugging myself back and forth in the piping hot shower, imagining what her beautiful face would look like as it bobbed up and down on my hard cock. What her tongue would feel like running up and down the length of me. Knowing what her sweet flesh tasted like was enough to make me want to eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Hell, I'd take a midnight snack too. The memory of her hips bucking up at me that day in the forest, how tight she felt as I took her on the forest floor. I was hooked.

Telling Megan that I was leaving would undoubtedly hurt her, but either way she was going to get hurt and I knew that. My feelings for Bella were stronger than they'd ever been. Nothing would ever come close. Not now that I knew how it felt to be with her.

I would do it tonight. I would tell her everything. And she would hate me.

But I would finally be free to admit what I'd known all along.

Bella Swan was the medicine I needed to bring me back to life, and I'd be damned if I'd let her go twice.


	18. Truth, Bitter Truth

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. **

**Jacob POV. Here we go…**

As I made my way up the driveway, I could see Megan through the kitchen window. She was doing the dishes. A furrowed, concentrated look on her face. She _was_ beautiful. But that would never be enough.

Not for me.

I opened the front door and wiped my muddy shoes on the mat. Kicking them off, I could feel my heart pounding. Having nothing rehearsed to say, I was shitting myself. There's no doubt about it, this would be the hardest thing I'd ever done. I remember being fifteen years old and being stupid enough to think that I would never be this kind of man. My morals and principles are so far behind me, I can't even see them anymore. I would throw them all away for Bella. I was willing to hurt and confuse everyone around me for her. And it once the dust settled, it would be worth every drop of milk spilt.

"Hey, honey!" Megan beamed.

"Hey…" I muttered as my heart panged.

She grabbed hold of my hand and led me into the kitchen. The smell of steak filled my nostrils.

"How was work? It must have been busy! I couldn't get through on the phone earlier! So, I thought I'd make you your favourite!" She smiled, placing plates piled with meat, potatoes and vegetables on the table in front of me. She ushered me to sit, so I did.

As she began loading a plate, I didn't know what to say.

_Thanks for the dinner babe. Oh, by the way, I've been fucking my childhood sweetheart for the last week and a half. I'm still head over heels in love with her and I want a divorce. _

No. Somehow, I thought that wouldn't exactly be the kindest way of breaking the news. Placing a plate in front of me, she picked up another and began plating up dinner for herself.

"What's wrong, Jacob? You're really quiet this morning!" She said, still with a soft smile on her face.

The fact that she was being so nice was making it so much harder.

"Meg, I need to talk to you about someth.."

She cut me off.

"So, what time are you finishing work tomorrow night? I thought we could go see a movie. We haven't had a date night in forever! We never go to the movies, Jacob!"

No, we didn't. Because the one and only time we did, I couldn't get the thought of Bella writhing around on the back seats as I touched her out of my head. I'd been uncomfortably erect throughout the entire movie.

"Megan please, I really need to…"

She stood up and slapped her thighs jovially.

"Oh, god! I'm so forgetful! I forgot the wine! Here, let me get you a glass!"

I pushed my chair out from under the table, stood up and slammed my palms down onto the table with force. She jumped back a foot or so, startled.

"Megan. I _need_ to talk to you, it's important and it can't wait any longer"

I spoke clearly and calmly but my shoulders were trembling.

"Sit.." I instructed her as I sat back into my chair.

She sat and placed her hands in her lap. Her gaze fell to where they lay.

"You've probably noticed that things haven't been great with us for a while now and that I've barely said two words lately…" I trailed off, looking up at her. Her brown eyes began to pool with tears.

"There's somebody else…" She whispered, shaking her head.

"Megan, things haven't been right with us for a long time. Since Noah…"

"How dare you bring his name into this conversation when you're about to tell me you've been screwing somebody else!" She darted a fiery gaze in my direction, her eyes locking with mine. I'd lit a fire in her belly that I didn't think I'd seen before.

"Megan, please listen. My heart hasn't been in this marriage for a long time. I'm…I'm not sure it ever really has been. Before I met you, I was a mess. A girl I met years ago. I've had feelings for her since I was a teenager, Megan. I never got over it. I know what I'm saying is going to hurt you…"

Suddenly she stood up, threw her head back and muttered something under her breath.

"Megan, please sit…" I asked gently.

"Bella" she sighed.

My heartbeat quickened at the sound of her name. It always did. Megan looked at me, anger and sadness evident in her face. I nodded softly.

"Yes, Bella" I confirmed.

Megan walked to the fridge and pulled an open bottle of wine out of the fridge and a glass from the cupboard. She poured it almost to the brim and took a large swig, swishing the liquid around in her mouth for a moment before she swallowed.

"Have you been seeing her while she's been back? Have you been sleeping together?" She asked, firmly.

"I saw her the night before Charlie and Sue's wedding. We didn't…"

"Oh my god, it all makes sense. Last week, you went out of town for the night. You were with her, weren't you?" Megan asked, a sob caught in her throat.

I put my head in my hands, feeling like a grade a bastard for doing this to her.

"We've…reconnected"

Megan laughed out loud.

"Oh, I bet you have Jacob Black!"

I was royally fucking this up. But then again, was there a right way to tell you wife you've been having an affair?

"Megan, you can't honestly tell me that you're satisfied with our relationship. When was the last time you were _really_ happy, Meg? Tell me, because I can't remember!" I exasperated.

I walked to her slowly and placed a hand on her shoulder. She trembled at my touch and backed away.

"I love you, Jacob. I thought you loved me. I thought…" she cried.

"I do love you, Megan. A part of me will always love you. We've been through too much for me not to care about you" I told her.

"Just not enough to stay loyal, huh?" She sniped.

I couldn't blame her. I was hardly expecting her to smile sweetly and give us her blessing.

"Megan, I've got no excuse for my actions and I'm not going to bullshit you on the subject" I told her, shaking my head.

"So, she must be one talented woman huh? She comes back here for a week, after ditching you and breaking your heart all those years ago? Yeah, I know all about her now. Emily told me that there was a girl who changed you. She didn't say who, but she told me all about it. She didn't want you then, so what makes you think she wants you now?" She took another glug of wine and walked through the living room.

Her words hit a nerve, the facts she had in front of her would lead her to believe that none of what she said was a lie. I followed her through the doorway and watched her pace back and forth in front of the raging fire.

"I have to leave, Megan. I can't be in this anymore. Its not fair on you, even if Bella breaks my heart again. I can't do this to you anymore and I can't keep doing it to myself either" I told her truthfully.

"I hope she does break your heart. Karma gets us all in the end" she spat, wrapping her arms protectively around her waist.

"It's a risk I'm willing to take, Megan. I'm going to pack some things and stay with Paul for a while, okay? Please think about everything I've said. We are _not_ happy. We haven't been since we lost Noah. I'm not staying in a loveless marriage and I'm not letting you waste your life on me when you deserve better" I replied, turning and walking upstairs to our bedroom.

Grabbing my sports bag from on top of the wardrobe, I stuffed a few changes of clothes inside plus a jacket and some toiletries. I glanced over at a photograph of us from our honeymoon. As I looked at the smile on my face, it never reached my eyes. She beamed beautifully under the sunshine. I hated myself for what I done to her. I felt relief for having told her though, I felt lighter somehow.

As I walked back downstairs, my eyes searched for her. I was worried for her. I thought about calling Emily for a moment but shook that thought away quickly. She would want my head on a stick for doing this to her best friend.

Megan was leaning against the kitchen worktop, pouring herself another glass of wine. Tears were falling from her eyes faster now, her mascara smudged across her cheeks.

"I'll come by in a few days when the dust has settled. We can talk about what to do next. I don't want to rush you, of course" I spoke softly.

Turning to walk out of the door, I heard her footsteps approach quickly behind me. Suddenly, the wine glass flew from her hand a shattered against the wall in front of me. The red wine trickling down the soft yellow walls, like blood.

"If you think you're keeping the business after this, you've got another thing coming Jacob Black! I hope the little tart is worth it. You've just destroyed your own life!" She shouted.

As I walked out of the front door, I never looked back.

"Jesus Christ, Jacob…" Paul laughed.

I frowned at his amusement on the subject as I told him everything.

"Hey, look I'm sorry alright! It's just one hell of a shit show you've got yourself into!" He said.

"Look, can I stay here for a few days until I figure something out?" I asked him.

"Yeah, of course man. That is if you don't mind the sound of Leah screaming the house down at 3am!" He smirked, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Too much information, dude!" I cried, trying to get the image out of my head.

"Have you spoken to Bella? She's in Hawaii working, right?" He asked, taking a swig of his water.

I shook my head, wondering what she was doing. She'd have landed by now.

"No, I haven't called her yet. I don't know what I'm expecting her to say! She's hardly going to decide on a sudden career change and coming back to Forks, is she?" I laughed solemnly.

It was true. She'd built a life for herself and as much as I hated it, I wouldn't ask her to give it all up. We'd have to come to some kind of arrangement. Long distance could work if we both made enough effort. Or maybe I was kidding myself. Maybe after all of this I'd end up alone, with nothing. A risk I was daring enough to take, without a doubt. Nothing in me regretted telling Megan. I just hoped she'd calm down and see things rationally eventually. A big ask, I knew.

"I'm going to bed. You need to call her, man. Do it soon. Don't let her go again, Jacob" he warned, patting me on the back as he moved to walk upstairs.

I walked out onto porch, the rain beating down on the ground as I pulled out my phone. Hawaii was behind timewise by two hours, so she'd surely be awake.

As I pressed the call button, I smiled. There was nothing left to hide. I was about to surrender myself to her completely. I could finally be _her_ Jake again. And it felt amazing.

The line rang for a few moments before the sound of laughter filled the speaker. Her laughter.

"Bells…" I smiled.

The words that followed knotted my stomach.

"Oh, sorry! Bella's a little tied up right now!" A male voice rang. His words hung in the air as I snapped my cell phone shut with brute force.

Bella POV

I could barely breathe as I laughed uncontrollably, struggling for breath. My arms tied delicately behind my back with black ribbon, I creased over as I attempted to chase Edward around the room.

"Edward Cullen, I swear to god, you untie me right this second! Give me my cell phone!" I cried.

All I could hear was the tinkling of his laughter, almost inaudible due to the sounds of Rosalie's howling laughter. The pair of them were clearly very pleased with themselves.

"Rosalie Hale, help…me…" I tried to speak, my face aching.

I gave up, throwing myself down dramatically on the soft mound of cushions I'd been shooting on five minutes earlier. Blowing my hair out of my face, I let out one last guffaw as Edward came towards me.

"I'm sorry, but you have to admit it, it was hilarious!" He beamed, his copper hair falling over his brow.

He sat me upright and began untying the ribbon.

"I haven't laughed like that in a while, I have to admit" I sighed, a contented smile spread across my mouth.

As Edward finished, Rosalie handed me my robe and gave me a big squeeze.

"Its been a great day, Bella! I can't believe it's been two years since we all started working together. The dream team!" She laughed.

I stood up, pulling the robe over my shoulders. Playfully slapping Edward on the shoulder, I grabbed my cell phone out of his hands.

"Who was it anyway?" I asked, opening my call list.

_Shit. _

"Did I fuck up?" Edward winced, sensing the worry on my face.

Applying rational thought, all worry washed away. Fuck it. I had been put through hell having to watch him with his wife and he knew how much that had hurt me. Maybe it would do Jacob Black some good to feel even a tenth of what I'd felt.

"No, you absolutely did not. You might have just done me a favour!" I smiled.

Suddenly, a mischievous thought entered my head. I could play this to my advantage.

"Edward, would you mind doing me a favour?" I asked him, grinning.

"Sure, what do you need?" He replied, sensing that there was a plan forming in my head.

"Could you take a couple of shots of me on my cell? I know you're off the clock now but I'm calling friendship rights on this one!" I said as I threw him the phone.

He laughed, catching it in his nimble fingers.

I pushed my robe off my shoulders and threw it across the room. The outfit I'd worn today was definitely a step further than my usual shoots. A black, latex bralet covered my breasts and wrapped around my neck in a halter-like fashion. On my bottom half were matching panties with a small heart shaped hole cut out just above the crotch, giving just a slight glimpse of what lay underneath. A slick covering of latex covered my legs, attached mid-thigh to a matching suspender belt.

Following Edwards fabulous direction, I moved my body gracefully to get the shots I needed.

"Easiest ten minutes work I've ever done!" He laughed, placing my cell phone back down on the table I'd just sprawled myself across as Edward took photographs of me from above whilst standing over me.

"Thank you!" I beamed.

Pulling my robe back on, I scrolled through the photographs and picked out the best two. Attaching them to a text, I added Jakes contact details before typing an accompanying message.

_All yours if you want it, Mr Black xxx_

"What are you planning Bella?" Rosalie asked with a grin and a cocked brow, her hand on her hip.

My thumb hovered over the send icon for a moment before I pressed it down to the screen. The little pop sound that emitted from the device told me that my message had delivered instantly.

"Nothing less than he deserves!" I replied, grinning to myself as I wondered how much his pulse was about to rise.

**Hope you all enjoyed that chapter. Please let me know your thoughts and leave a review. Its important to note that there will be no Edward bashing in this story. As you can see, in this AU story he's a pretty decent friend! **

**Thanks for reading x**


	19. The Birth and Death of the Day

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. I only own Megan Black. **

**Jacob POV**

As I stood there on Pauls porch, I was dumbfounded. Staring down at my cell phone screen, the images that glared back at me had started a chain reaction of emotions inside me.

First came the anger. I could feel my body shaking as my jaw clenched. Was this all part of the plan? Some random guy answering her cell phone wasn't enough of a head fuck for the day?

_Bella's a little tied up right now._

Whoever it was, I wanted to choke the life out of them. The thought of somebody else even so much as breathing on her made me want to get on a plane and do something that could very well end up with me serving jail time. And her brazenness to not even return my damn call. What kind of game were we playing here?

Second came arousal. My cock responded instantly at the sight of her tight body in that naughty ensemble. I'd never seen Bella wear anything like that, but fuck I wanted to see it for real. I wanted to rip those little latex panties off and drive myself into her over and over. Her gorgeous eyes stared into the lens, like she was looking right at me. Her bottom lip in between her teeth and her arms outstretched above her head. She looked like a goddess and I just wanted to worship her.

Third came sadness. And guilt. I thought about Megan and how she might be coping right that second while her husband was stood with his hand on his raging hard dick. I desperately hoped the heavy feeling in my heart would fade. If Noah had never been, would I even feel like this? I had to be honest with myself, I knew I wouldn't. I would be half-way to Hawaii by now with just the clothes on my back to claim the woman I'd craved for so long.

We weren't high school students anymore. We needed to talk about the future and what it held for us. I couldn't live with the uncertainty. I needed to know what she wanted.

I knew myself to be a decent man deep down and before I could take this any further with Bella, I had to talk to the one person Bella cared about the most.

Charlie.

The next afternoon, Charlie and I were sat at his kitchen table. As I sipped awkwardly on a bottle of water, Charlies face told me that he was confused by my visit.

"So, what can I do for you son?" He asked, taking a sip of coffee from his mug.

I fidgeted with the cap of my water bottle nervously, wondering where the hell to begin.

"Jacob…" he urged gently, sensing the tension in the air.

"Okay. So, before I begin, I just want to say that I have the upmost respect for you and Sue. And Bella." I finished, taking another swig of my water. My mouth was drying up at the thought of what would come next.

"Bella? What's Bella got to do with this?" He asked, dumbfounded.

I rested my elbows on the table in front of me, took a deep breath and began.

"You know how much Bella meant to me when we were just a couple of kids. We had something special, something different. And then one day, she left us. All of us. I spent a long time longing for her. Years. To the outside, maybe it looks like I'd moved on. That I was happy, even. I have so much respect for Megan, Charlie. Really I do…" I trailed off, taking another sip of water.

Charlie was sat back in his chair, arms folded across his chest. No emotion showed on his face. His career choice was obvious at that very moment, even without the police uniform.

"When Bella came back for the wedding, it stirred something back up in me. Or at least it highlighted what I've known for the past three years while I've been without her. I'm just going to be straight with you, I have always loved your daughter. I will always love her. All I want for her is to be happy, safe and loved. I believe I can give her all of that, Charlie. Megan and I are getting a divorce. And I honestly think it would have happened even without Bella being in the equation. It was a marriage of convenience for Noah's sake and deep down I think we both knew it." I explained, desperately hoping he would see that I wasn't some monster who'd just abandoned his marriage.

The silence hung in the air for what seemed like an age. Finally, he spoke.

"You know Jacob, since you were young, I've had a part in raising you. We all have. You and Bella. We know what kind of kids we let go into this world. When Bella left, I was ashamed of her. And thinking about that now makes my gut ache because I am so incredibly proud of the young woman she has turned out to be. You've had your fair share of obstacles, Jacob. A man of your age has already suffered sorrow that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Megan's great and she held you together when you needed her, but I know what you feel for my daughter. I can see it. I've always seen it. Have you thought this through? She lives in LA now. I know you, you'd hate it out there. You're like me Jacob, home is one place." He paused, taking another sip of his coffee.

"Listen, I trust my daughter's judgement. I've learned that lesson at least. I'm not saying it's not a shitty thing that's happened. Megan is the one hurt in all this and she's a good girl. I only hope she can find it in her heart to forgive you both someday. You have my blessing. Now, do you want some advice from an old newlywed?"

I nodded, eyes wide, almost disbelieving of his unwavering support.

"When Renee died, I was heartbroken. For months after her death, I wondered how the hell I was going to cope without her. I love Sue with all my heart, but if life as taught me anything its that things can change in an instant. Make the most of the time with the people you love while you can. Don't grow old full of regret. Go get our girl, Jacob Black. Make her see that her home is wherever you are."

**Bella POV**

As I sat curled up on the chair on my balcony I looked out onto the horizon as the sun rose up from the ocean, my mind remained stuck on the same face. I hadn't heard from him since he called the day of the photoshoot and Edward had answered. I knew he'd seen the pictures I'd sent him, and I was starting to worry. Had something happened? Had I upset him in some way? I'd tried to call him that morning but couldn't reach him. I just kept getting his voicemail. I wont even try to hide the fact that I'd dialled it more than once just so I could hear his deep, soothing voice.

He'd said he was going to tell Megan that it was over. A big part of me thought that he'd changed his mind. That he'd chosen her after all and just didn't have the heart to tell me. I'd put my trust in him, now all I could do was wait and see the outcome.

The sun was beaming down onto my skin. A dusting of freckles were beginning to form across my cheeks.

_I could sit here forever. _

"Bella!"

The unmistakable voice of Rosalie Hale rung through the air. She threw herself down onto the chair next to me and shot me a knowing look.

"You still haven't heard from him, huh?" She asked, her voice full of empathy.

"No" I replied, shaking my head. She took hold of my hand and squeezed it gently.

"Everything will be okay, Bella. It will all work itself out in the end. Trust me." She assured.

How could she ever know that? For all I knew, he'd decided to give his marriage another try, and I would be left high and dry. Left to pick up all those familiar pieces all over again.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" She asked, inspecting the dark circles around my eyes.

"A couple of hours. My head is too busy to sleep right now." I replied.

"Well, its time for me to paint that pretty face. I swear I could do it with my eyes closed by now!" She laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

We had one more photoshoot to do before we could relax for a few days. Once I was back in LA my schedule was clear for a couple of weeks. I was grateful for that. I had a lot to figure out. How would I cope if everything I'd ever wanted was ripped away from me? I guess it would be no more than I'd put Jake through three years ago. And if he did choose me, we needed to talk about how we were going to move forward.

But I didn't want to talk.

I wanted him to wrap me up in his arms and forget about everything else but us.

**Jacob POV**

"I need you to keep an eye on things for a few days, Jared" I told him, throwing my hold all over my shoulder.

"Dude, this is awesome" he grinned, looking proud.

I rolled my eyes playfully and checked my pockets to make sure I had everything I needed.

"Thanks for the help, man. Couldn't have done this without you! And you haven't said a word to anyone, right?" I asked, throwing my leather jacket on.

"Not a soul" he promised.

"Okay. No fucking around while I'm gone, okay? I don't even know if this place will still be mine in a few months but while it is, I want it running smoothly" I told him.

Jared pulled me into a massive hug, patting me on the back firmly.

"I'm so glad you're doing this, bro" he whispered in my ear, almost as though if he spoke it quietly enough, the unusually tender moment would go unnoticed by our male bravado's.

"You need a ride to the airport?" He asked me, that big smile still present on his face.

_Ready or not, here I come. _

**Bella POV**

That evening, Edward, Rose and I headed out for dinner and drinks. It was Edwards birthday and we'd decided to make the most of the all you could eat seafood. All three of us sat back in our chairs, stuffed and unable to move. The restaurant was under the open sky, the treliss surrounding it twinkled with fairy lights and the music was low and set a relaxed tone.

"Do you remember that time in Italy when Edward got so into the moment, he fell in the pool trying to get the perfect shot?" Rosalie howled, taking another glug of her long island ice tea.

I almost spat mine all over Edward remembering what she was talking about.

"Oh God, that has got to be up there with one of the funniest things I've ever seen!" I cried.

"Hey, it was funny for you! That camera was worth over a thousand dollars!" He huffed, desperately trying to hide the smile forming on his face.

"We really have had some great times together, haven't we?" Rose gushed.

The three of us had been inseparable back in LA. We had all helped boost the others portfolio and we fit like a puzzle. We all brought out the best in each other.

"Hey, we have a gift for you!" I told Edward, handing him a plain white envelope.

"I said no gifts!" He grinned, clearly pleased that we had broken his rule.

I knew we'd hit the nail on the head with this one!

"Whale watching! Oh my god, you two!" he breathed, almost disbelieving of the gift in front of him.

Rose and I thought we'd make the best of our trip and get out and see something that none of us could ever experience in Los Angeles. It would be another joyful memory that the three of us could reminisce about in the years to come.

He stood up and pulled us both into a hug, dramatically peppering the tops of our heads with a multitude of kisses.

"I've got a couple of diamonds for friends, thank you so much."

We sank a few more cocktails before heading to a local karaoke night. Edward had protested somewhat, but we both knew he could slay with a microphone. The bar was empty, but with our alcohol levels up we hardly noticed.

Time flew as we took turns belting out karaoke classics. My personal favourite had to be Rose's rendition of 'Wannabe' by the Spice Girls and I had made sure to get full evidence by recording it on my cell phone. I would save that giggle for a rainy day.

It was around 1am when we made it back to the Mauna Kea Beach Hotel. Stumbling through reception, the three of us desperately tried to keep the noise down but failed miserably, of course. A stern look from the night porter had us all in the stitches once we were safely inside the elevator.

"Oh god, stop! I'm going to pee!" I cried, clinging on to Edward for dear life as I tried not to fall over.

We said our drunken goodbyes in the hallway before heading to our respective rooms. For the first time all night, I thought of Jake. It had been good to let my hair down and forget about the trouble that was going on in La Push, but the thought of his beautiful face in my mind was almost sobering.

I slid my key card in the slot of the door and pushed it open, accidentally landing on my knees in the doorway as I tripped over nothing.

"Shit, fuck, balls" I muttered to myself, giggling softly.

"You kiss your Dad with that mouth, Bells?"

_Jake. _

**Please review and let me know your thoughts x**


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